Fishing for an identity
Experts in intercultural communication remind us of the importance that narratives and rituals play in our lives and in orienting us to our own identities, history, the norms and expectations of our society. Each society uses rituals and narratives for this purpose, and they combine to form powerful tools to teach us.
I’m thinking of the opening scenes of the Robert Redford film, A River Runs Through It, where Norman MacLean describes beautifully how he and his brother learned at the feet of their father, a Presbyterian pastor who taught them the value of faith, fluid writing, and fly fishing, in equal measures.
Fly fishing is one of many lessons that have been passed down from one generation to the next. In the process, values such as preparedness and patience are learned as well. What happens to those life lessons as younger generations spend more and more time in the virtual world of the Web rather than the real world of their culture and traditions? (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko)
As Norman said:
“We were left to assume, as my younger brother Paul and I did, that all first-class fishermen on the Sea of Galilee were fly fishermen and that John was a dry fly fisherman.”
Learning the values
Hours of painstaking practice, on a daily basis, reinforced their father’s instructions on these three values which had long been central characteristics of this Montana family of the early 20th Century. Norman and Paul learned the lessons well.
When I see that film, I can’t help but think of the times my own grandfather took me trout fishing, and of the times I took my own two sons to hunt for the big bass on Indiana lakes. Then I think about the much greater amount of time the three of us have spent apart, glued to the computers.
The stark truth
Let’s face it: You don’t get much connection to the family or your own identity from the Internet. You may learn about them, but they don’t become ingrained in your DNA as Norman’s and Paul’s lessons did.
Instead, our time spent in the virtual world of the Web provides us with narratives that are snippets or soundbites, constantly interrupted by hyperlinks to “related stories” to which we happily leap, distracting our attention from the main story or narrative that — frankly — was getting a little too long anyway for our short attention spans.
Welcome to the virtual world
And instead of the rituals of the family dinner, learning writing or fly fishing from Dad, we spend hour after hour vicariously living others’ experiences, often with a stand-in avatar for us as we get lost in some online video game or doing armchair traveling around the world.
We already know we have become more splintered as families as everyone heads off to their own laptops to explore their virtual worlds which may not be representative of the corner of the world we inhabit at all. That being so, how do we expect to understand that culture as our parents and grandparents did?
It’s not just family members going their own way, but also members of the same culture or society doing the same thing. The younger we start out exploring the world on the Web instead of the real world in front of us, the more time we spend away from the rituals and narratives that teach us about that culture.
And, since we learn a lot about our own identity from our culture, we make it harder to discover that identity.
No mall directory
Is it surprising that we wake up one day to discover that, like the first-time shopper in a huge shopping mall, we have no idea where we are in relation to the places we want to be or how to get there? There is no mall directory, because there have been no narratives and few real-life rituals to point us to our destinations.
The other day I was watching a TV commercial for one of those online services that helps you track your family tree. Something like Ancestry.com. There was this woman who was talking about her great-grandfather as if he were someone from an alien planet whom she knew absolutely nothing about until she paid this online service to discover his identity.
Hitting home
Then I realized, I don’t even know who my own great-grandfather was. As a child raised on television, I can tell you the name of Tonto’s horse, but not the name of my grandfather’s dad or mom.
A telling sign about how we’re losing our sense of our own culture? Wouldn’t our grandparents chide us for side-stepping the importance of knowing our own family history?
Is our time spent in the virtual world, as opposed to the real one, exacerbating that disconnect from our own culture? At best, it doesn’t help.
Thank you for joining our conversation on A Virtual Unknown. We encourage your discussion but ask that you stay within the bounds of our commenting and posting policy.
Comments
The online world has helped to make each of us disconnected with reality. Many people will be able to tell us more about the backgrounds of their favorite celebrities before they could talk about their family history. It has become such a problem that people’s goals aren’t to go to college and make something for their selves anymore. Everyone wants to get famous on youtube or from their blogs and be instantly immersed into fame and fortune. Working toward success is not something that is popular anymore because they see people on television constantly that are well known for doing something ridiculous or something that is not really worth the fame and money that came with it.
It is so true that today we are often more in touch with our media outlets than we may be with our family or history of our family. As a child I could think of numerous times my parents would discuss a family history story and instead of listening I would be glued to the television set. This article has inspired me to look more closely at my family history in the time I might otherwise spend on media.
We have disconnected our selves from reality and we have we have emmetged in the internet. It is true we spent a lot of time online looking about what others are doing. It is time that we start living our lives and stop caring of what the rest of the people are doing. Family values are disaparing in our society because every one is doing anyhting to become popular online. People are posting their lives and secrets online not knowing that anyone can asses them. People are not paying attention in what is happening around them they are too busy on their cellphones and facebook. As time goes by technology is becoming very importnat in our daily lives. We feel lost when we don’t have our cellphones and computers.
I am very passionate about the concept that is portrayed in this article. The article states, “instead of the rituals of the family dinner, learning writing or fly fishing from Dad, we spend hour after hour vicariously living others’ experiences, often with a stand-in avatar for us as we get lost in some online video game or doing armchair traveling around the world [...] And, since we learn a lot about our own identity from our culture, we make it harder to discover that identity.” I have a 7 month old son and the last thing I want is for him to fall into the trap of media, the internet, the television, or video games. I want him to know his culture and his identity and not identify himself with what he sees on a screen. It’s unsettling how true this article is. It is also scary that the reliance on media and technology is only going to increase and people are going to lose touch with their families and family history. Because of how much this very concept saddens my husband and I we are leaving California to Montana to raise our son in (hopefully) an atmosphere that is not as consumed by technology.
I feel that this post described how our culture is in relation to the internet and lost traditions. People are so focused on how other people are doing online versus how they are actually doing in reality. People are more likely to send an email or a message through facebook, rather than actually calling someone to meet in person. People are becoming more disconnected everyday, and sadly people will not be learning the values and traditions that others learned before the internet came about.
“A telling sign about how we’re losing our sense of our own culture? Wouldn’t our grandparents chide us for side-stepping the importance of knowing our own family history?”
“A telling sign about how we’re losing our sense of our own culture? Wouldn’t our grandparents chide us for side-stepping the importance of knowing our own family history?”
You may be correct about most of our society, but I had the distinct privilege of following my own Dad as he searched for our own family lineage in the past 15 years. His journey has taken him and myself to some very interesting places all over California, and it has been a great experience to say the least. I hope everyone at some point has the opportunity to do the same!
I think it’s interesting about how, in some ways, it is easier to get reconnected to our past and our ancestors through the sites and online services that are dedicated to that.
After reading this post I realized that I too have never wondered about any relatives that died before I was born. The time of children sitting around their grandparents listening to stories about the “good old days” is over, replaced by handheld video games and TV. I’m ashamed that I haven’t questioned my grandparents about their childhoods or their parents, because they are the people who shaped my grandparents, who then helped shape my parents, who then helped shape me. I wouldn’t be who I am today, no one would, were it not for the indirect influence of their ancestors. It is so sad that people’s legacies are dying out because kids are more interested in electronics and technology than spending quality time with family members, listening to stories about their pasts.
Sometimes it is good to be reminded that we spend way to much time online or in front of the tv. I do actually know a good amount about my family history. However, I usually only hear it in bits and pieces at family gatherings. It is true that the times of sitting with our relatives and listening to them tell stories is in the past. The internet and television can be so distracting and oftentimes, even at family gathering, I would rather watch the big game on tv than talk to my relatives. Although the internet can be helpful for some when trying to learn about their relatives, it is usually just a distraction to those of us who have the ability to sit and talk to ours.
Emily,
Many of us wish we had paid more attention to stories our parents told when we were young about their parents and grandparents. It’s nice to know we can use the Internet to help us trace that family tree if we like, however.
I think of my life as a child and how I spent it with my parents. My mom and I would bake things together, anything with chocolate really. With my dad and I would go down to the park with my baseball glove and I would insist that he throw endless pop-up balls because they were my favorite to catch. Now when I go home I see my fourteen year old sister glued to the TV, the internet, her I-pod, or all three at the same time! I always try to get her to go to Caribou with me when I visit and play chess, which we always end up loving. I think now in a world of social media, it is up to the older siblings or parents to suggest fun outing with their children or younger siblings. They just need that extra push and once they are out the door I think most of them would admit they are having more fun then sitting in front of a screen.
Tegan, You raise an important point about the responsibility of older siblings to steer their younger brothers or sisters through the maze of the social media and responsible usage of it.
I totally agree with this article and have the same feeling about it. After I look back, I realize when I was little, there is still have video games, but still not popular. We will spend time together and have fun together. There was so much fun to spend family time together. However, after the video games and online games growing up, we start spend lot and lot of time on them and forget about family time. The technology is too convenient for us to connect each other’s, so it makes us become lazy and never spend time together again. The good thing for me is that Taiwanese culture is we have to pay respects to a dead person from our family. Therefore, we will have our family picture on our house wall and we have to go to their grave for clean their grave and bring the food for them every year. My culture helps me to remember my family and respect them. I am happy about it because I think it is really important to know our own family.
Thanks for the comment, Arthur. You make some good points here about our identity in the age of the Internet.
I am in agreement with what this article is pointing out. As someone who is interested in the development of the youth of this next generation, this has been a constant circulating discussion. The warning signs are clear:
1. Today we constantly need a wifi connection…it’s why we are willing to pay a ridiculous amount for our cellular data plan. Hotspots are no longer enough for us. We need the assurance that our facebook profiles, twitter accounts, gmails and other sites are available for us at any time. Addiction?
2. Today we constantly trade one conversation for another…we do it all the time when we text in the middle of a conversation or pick up a phone while talking to someone. How is it that we cannot focus on the person who is already investing their own time in this conversation. I have sat in groups where hanging out meant five of us in a corner all having our own conversations on the phone with people who we wanted to talk to. What does this say to the person who we ignore right in front of us for a digital message? I have had this happen to me on numerous occasions and let me tell you, I don’t feel like the person is truly interested in what I have to say after this happens.
Addiction?
3. Today we constantly spend time with our friend technology. How is it that we have come to a point where apps replace live entertainment? Where video games are put in place of actual recreational events? Don’t get me wrong, technology is definitely nice…but why have we let it stray so far as to become a replacement?
Addiction?
Today’s youth are beginning to experience the world of technology at an earlier age. My godbrother held his first handheld game console when he was five years old. What is scarier is that these technologies many times have limited or no barriers for the content that can be accessed. No doubt this will be a discussion that teachers and youth workers alike will continue to talk about as it becomes an ever increasing issue. The testament to this problem is the amount of revenues spent on software….an intangible product! Still think we’re not addicted?
The virtual world is where we spend most of our time now. It is sad to know that we do not spend enough time learning about ourselves and where we come from and what our story is. Yet, we know the creator of Facebook and who the latest YouTube stars are. I think that we all must have a balance in our lives between reality and how much time we spend in the virtual world. I was lucky enough to know my great grandparents and their stories. I learned where I came from and how strong we all are as a family and as people. I am lucky enough to have dinner every night with my family. It is one of the perks of being a commuter at APU. I work in the coaching world and I find that there is a greater loss of character and integrity within the sport. Coaches do not coach to build an athlete’s character or to help young men grow closer together through a common goal. It has become a win at all costs mentality and nothing can derail them. We must remember and know where we come from and what our values are and only then can we grow.
Unfortunately we spend our daily lives living in a virtual world. Although the internet is a very useful thing, it has taken away much of that personal bonding time with other people. The cyber world makes our relationships with people different. It also takes away from us learning about ourselves and living our own lives. We identify ourselves by what we post on the internet and also hide our real-selves because of what we post on the internet. We do not take the time to be with people, but rather follow them online. Instead of going out and experiencing life, we look at people’s pictures and posts about things they are doing or looking at places online wishing we could go there instead of making it happen. I see it as a lazy way of living. It takes time and effort to get together with people, and people don’t want to put in that time or effort unfortunately.
I thought this post was very true and accurate to our culture and me personally today. One sentence really stood out to me as I was reading this and it was that, “And instead of the rituals of the family dinner, learning writing or fly fishing from Dad, we spend hour after hour vicariously living others’ experiences…” This really made sense to me and I can totally relate. It’s a really sad thing to think and reflect on how important technology and this “virtual world” we live in really is. It can consume our time, energy and relationships. I think we need to really be cautious and intentional not to let this day and age of technology take over our lives and our relationships. We learn and grow from being present with someone or with life’s circumstances, and with technology as a barrier or distraction, we can’t grow and mature in our own identity.