Being The Thirsty Beagle, I get a lot of things sent to me. A lot of it is beer. Some of it is really good beer. Some of it is other stuff. Each year for the past two years, Best Buy has sent me a bag of rice and a pouch of beef jerky right before St. Patrick’s Day. This is because everyone who likes beer apparently is going to drop their cell phone in their beer on St. Patrick’s Day, and will need the rice or the silica gel pack in their beef jerky to rescue/dehydrate their phone. Point being, I get a lot of stuff. There’s my growing collection of beer books. There’s this box I received today. I haven’t opened it yet, but I suspect there’s beer in there.
Then, a couple weeks ago, there was this:
Inside the box are two of Miller’s new punch-top Miller Lite cans and a can opener with a handy, pokey punching poker. Why have a can with a punch top? The commercial — which I mocked mercilessly the first time I saw it — says it’s for a smoother pour. This leads to several relevant questions:
-Does anyone really pour Miller Lite into a glass?
-In the commercial, everyone is drinking out of the cans, so what difference does it make?
-Is a “smoother pour” going to aid the taste of Miller Lite in any way? (I think we know the answer)
-Finally, and probably most importantly, why would you drink Miller Lite, anyway?
So I’m pondering all these important questions the other day when another box shows up on my desk. What was in the box, you ask?
Another Miller Lite punch-top can box!!!
So now I face another question: What to do with these boxes. I have one idea, but I’ll also take suggestions. I contemplated a scientific experiment to test the validity of the smoother pour theory. Then I remembered all my questions above, so I ruled that out. I’m thinking I’ll just let the boxes sit around the house until Mrs. Beagle gets annoyed with them cluttering things up. Then again, Mrs. Beagle astutely pointed out that the boxes look like cans vomiting up nasty beer. Gotta respect her analysis there. Maybe the sledgehammer it is. Would make good video, right?