Today, Big 12 football media days wraps up, so we wrap up our second annual Way-Out-of-Context Big 12 Quotes. Once again, here are actual quotes from coaches along with the official Thirsty Beagle interpretation.
First up is first-year Kansas coach Turner Gill.
Kansas coach Turner Gill: “Good morning. Everybody got smiles on or not? I don’t know.”
The Thirsty Beagle: What’s not to know? Take a look at them. Are they smiling or not?
Gill: “I got a smile because I just got my family moved from Buffalo, N.Y., to Lawrence, Kan. So it’s been a great summer for me.”
TTB: And you thought Lebron dissed Cleveland on the way out of town!
Gill: Obviously, we get into the football stuff, but we’ve really gotten into building relationships.”
TTB: You can criticize Kansas players for their lack of football skills, but you can never knock their ability to express their inner self.
Gill: (In response to a question about how he feels about Kansas and Kansas State being a nationally televised Thursday night game) “Yeah, Kansas and Kansas State are a nationally televised game on Thursday night.”
TTB: Yeah, we know. We just said that.
Gill: “That’s what my purpose here on this earth to do, is to work with young men between 18 and 22 years old. That’s what I love to do.”
TTB: Don’t even try to be 23 and come around Lawrence, Kan., ’cause Turner Gill doesn’t even have the time of day for you, mister.
Up next we have ol’ Bob Stoops.
Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops: “Good to be here again. Going on 12 years, I guess.”
TTB: Stoops unsure how long he’s been in Big 12. Maybe he’ll also be unsure how many players to put out on the field.
Stoops: “It’s one thing to be entertaining without being a great competitor. I’m not much for that.”
TTB: Don’t just try to be funny around Bob Stoops, all right. You better damn well be funny and competitive, or he just doesn’t have time for you.
Stoops: ”But, you know, don’t cry over spilt milk.”
TTB: Well, what if it was the last of my milk, and I really needed it to bake or cake or some muffins or something? Can I cry then? Don’t judge me Bob Stoops!
Now we’ll move on to Dan “I’m not fired yet?” Hawkins at Colorado.
Colorado coach Dan Hawkins: “Good morning guys. I guess it’s still morning. I don’t know.”
TTB: I mean, he just sets these quotes up on tee. Coach that doesn’t know the difference between morning and afternoon? Football team that doesn’t know what it’s doing? Go ahead and tell me there’s no relation there.
Hawkins: “Really on any given day you could probably split them with a razor hair.”
TTB: Remind me to never go play football for the diabolical Dan Hawkins. Anyone who tries to split people with razor hairs is no coach for me.
Hawkins: “As you know, we’re not one of those outfits that ever give all the reps to the ones anyway.”
TTB: You know, I’m no football savant, but if you’ve been getting your butt kicked for like four straight years, maybe you should consider giving the ones more reps. I know, call me crazy.
And we’ll conclude the second annual Way-Out-of-Context Big 12 Quotes with every Sooner fan’s favorite guy, Mack Brown.
Texas coach Mack Brown: (On how Garrett Gilbert reacted after being thrown into the national championship game last year) “It was funny.”
TTB: Really? I don’t think too many of your fans thought it was that funny.
Brown: “I saw him in pregame. He ate all of his steak, so he wasn’t nervous.”
TTB: You think nervous people can’t eat steak? You’ve obviously never tried one of my steaks. Irresistible. Even to nervous people. So take that.
Brown: (On his respect for Tom Osborne) “A lot of what we do is modeled after him when he was in the Big 8 at Iowa State and Oklahoma.”
TTB: Hate to be stickler for details coach, but I’m pretty sure Tom Osborne was never at Iowa State or Oklahoma.
Brown: (Reporter says, “Mack, a lot of people talking about the OU-Texas game October–”) ”You mean the Texas-OU game?”
TTB: Ah, that wily Mack Brown, always stirring up trouble!
OK folks, that’s it for this year. Hope you enjoyed our three days of frivolity at the expense of our Big 12 coaches. See you next year.