Big 12 media days have now come to a close, but The Thirsty Beagle is just getting warmed up. I give you part three of my First Annual Way-Out-of-Context Big 12 Quotes. And remember, these are actual quotes from actual coaches:
Kansas State coach Bill Snyder
-”I think they did scissors, rock and paper to determine which of the three of the four were coming.”
Maybe back in the 1920s when you were a kid they called it “Scissors, rock and paper.” Welcome to the new age Billy! Scissors has been demoted to the end of the line.
-”I don’t think there’s a great deal of danger. My doctor says things are on go, says I’m doing OK.”
Recruit: “So coach Snyder, how long do you think you’ll coach this time around?”
Snyder: “Let me call my doctor.”
-”I’ve said so many times, if we can settle the waters, it will have been worth the effort.”
New team slogan: “Kansas State Football: Settling the Waters!”
-”Sharp young guy, handles it quite well. Good person. Enjoy him.”
That’s an order, dammit! Enjoy him!
Texas Tech coach Mike Leach
(On the loss of DE McKinner Dixon) -”I think it will help our team. You know, there is a certain addition by subtraction that exists in football. … So I think it makes us stronger as a team.”
McKinner Dixon permanently ignores Mike Leach on his facebook page.
-”Just a little bit like you telling me the best way to reach the “J” key with your finger or something.”
Those stupid journalists, always trying to correct people’s typing motion.
-”So you don’t want the hands to separate until they’re ready to throw. Elbow stays high. Then they separate here, and it turns out pretty good.”
Leach reveals secret to string of prolific quarterbacks: Just keep your elbow high. It’s really just that easy.
-”And you don’t have anything to look forward to with regard to me and piercing, believe me.”
And that’s for the best.
Colorado coach Dan Hawkins
-”Talked to Tim Brando out there this morning a little bit.”
Easy, name dropper. And really, are we supposed to fall apart with excitement over Tim Freaking Brando?
-”Had the greatest semester in the history of Colorado football academically in the spring.”
Greatest. Semester. Ever. Get fired up Buff fans!
-”I think trying to establish this culture of excellence with class is really starting to take place.”
I’m Ron Burgandy. You stay classy Colorado.
-”If you’re not a high-standard guy, you’re a low-standard guy. I just don’t get that.”
What’s to get? Either you’ve got standards or you don’t. Not rocket science.
-”I do think there’s going to be a couple people hanging in the shadows that will help us out a lot.”
I thought college coaches knew they’re supposed to steer clear of those shadowy figures.
Texas coach Mack Brown
-”I mean, you all know about as much as we do.”
Mack: “Did I just say that out loud? Crap.”
-”If we had played better at Tech and won the game, we’d have been better in the conference championship game.”
Better than who? OU? Is that a challenge? I smell a controversy!
-”We need to learn from that and move on, quit talking about the system and just go play.”
But before we play, can I do a couple radio shows to plead our case?
All right people, that brings an end to the First Annual Way-Out-of-Context Big 12 Quotes. I hope you enjoyed the first-rate analysis and stellar insight. Now we can get ready for the games. Only one month, six days, 22 hours and eight minutes until kickoff of OSU-Georgia!