I bet it was Boss Hog

Pet thefts are on the rise, and even celebrities have to worry about their puppies being snatched. Even celebrities who became famous becuase they were on a TV show in the early 1980s that focused on a couple of southern boys riding around in a modified orange Dodge Charger with a Confederate flag on the roof, jumping over creeks and trains (see photo) to foil the schemes of an evil Hazzard County Commissioner and his bumbling sheriff.

OK, digressional confession time. I was born in 1979, the same year The Dukes of Hazzard began its legendary run on network television. When I was about 4, the show was at its peak of popularity. I had the General Lee Hot Wheels Car and a Big Wheel peddle bike modeled after the General Lee. It was my favorite show. When you are 4, a brightly-colored car jumping over a creek or flying over police cars or trains is about as awesome as it gets. In retrospect, the show was probably aimed at the 4-year-old demographic. And my adult self has some problems with the racial undertones that come with the Confederate theming of the car. But that show was magical to little boys everywhere who loved hot wheels and fantasized about jumping things in a fast car.

So apparently John Schneider, who played the blonde-quafed Bo Duke, recently had his family’s two puppies stolen. The puppies, Marley, a Yorkie terrier, and Paisley, a Yorkiepoo, were in Bo’s, I mean Schnieder’s Cadillac Escalade when it was recently stolen. The puppies never turned up. 

I feel very sad for Schneider’s kids, who have lost their beloved pets. This should be a lesson for everyone that your pets can be a target of thieves, and you need to try to protect them.

I’m also sad that Schneider doesn’t ride around in a replica of the General Lee. I mean, come on, it was the coolest car of the 1980s (sorry Kitt from Nightrider, but you come in second). If I played Bo Duke, I would show up everywhere in that car, honking the Dixie-playing horn wherever I went.

Here are some tips from the American Kennel Club on how to protect your pet from theft.

- Don’t let your dog off-leash or leave your pet unattended in your yard.

- Breeders should be aware of home bisits by potential puppy buyers and be on guard for potential thieves.

- Never leave your dog unattended in a car, even if it is locked.

- Don’t tie your dog outside a store.

- Microchip your dog so it can be recovered in case it is taken.

- Call police if you think your dog has been stolen.

- Have a recent photo ready so you can make fliers in case your dog goes missing.

And here are my prime suspects in the napping of Bo Duke’s dog:

- Boss Hog: It seems almost too easy. This must be part of some grand scheme to acquire the Duke family farm or send the Duke boys to jail by framing them for violating their probation.

- Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane: Maybe Flash, Roscoe’s basset hound, wanted some company.

- Uncle Jesse: Maybe Jesse got back to his moonshinin’ and needed some leverage to keep Bo from squealing.

- Cooter: His name is Cooter.

 

- Staff Writer Bryan Dean

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