Real Former CNN Anchor Now Delivers Fake News
Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
Old people reading this blog surely remember Bobbie Battista, one of the original anchors at CNN, who was a mainstay at the network for 20 years until Ted Turner sold the shop to Time-Warner. While it’s occasionally hard to tell if CNN is actual news these days (particularly when tuning into Headline News or watching Kiran Chetry on “American Morning”), Battista is doing them one better by now anchoring the Onion News Network.
And what’s completely awesome about this report on Franz Kafka International Airport is that Battista delivers it with the utmost in deadpan seriousness.
The Joaquin Phoenix Performance Art Project (?) Continues
While his Dave Letterman interview genuinely looked like a bad pile-up of cluelessness and animal tranks, this Joaquin Phoenix rap career is starting to look like a put-on. All I know is this: Jonathan and Quentin, I sincerely hope the Norman Music Festival is successful in attracting this burgeoning talent. But hire plenty of security.
Blago The Film Geek
When most people look at former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, they see corruption made flesh, unchecked power, bloated self-importance and the worst hair on a disgraced elected official since U.S. Rep. Jim Traficant of Ohio went to jail.
But I just see a man who has watched too many movies.
Blagojevich, who conducted at least 20 interviews on various TV programs last week instead of testifying during his impeachment trial, seems to have a spool of pop cultural ephemera at the ready whenever he needs to justify or explain his behavior or contextualize his treatment in the press. He compared himself variously to a Hollywood cowboy on his way to a hanging, various heroes in Frank Capra movies, and any number of great men whose lives have been portrayed in film, including Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and a few Biblical heroes.
And when asked who would play him in a movie, Blagojevich took it personally. “I wouldn’t mind playing myself,” he said. “I could probably use the job.”
I know this mentality all too well. I reference movie plotlines and quote scripts several times a day in my seminormal dealings with co-workers. I periodically have entire conversations with my best friend Phil Bacharach (who thanks the heavens every day that he is Gov. Brad Henry’s press secretary and not Blago’s) that consist entirely of lines from “Animal House.”
Just this morning, my editor saw a plastic duck call on my desk and said it reminded him of that scene when Daffy Duck’s bill got blown off in the classic 1953 cartoon “Duck Amuck.”
If Blagojevich weren’t such an allegedly crooked goon, he’d be one of “my people.”
The difference is that most of us know our depth. We take jobs that require us to write about movies, or we become film curators or projectionists. Or we go into the film industry itself, using our knowledge as a foundation to create new art.
But Blagojevich is a film geek who lost control, identifying too readily with the fictional characters on screen. His brazen (but still alleged) attempt to sell President Barack Obama’s old senate seat indicate a film character’s air of invincibility. As a result, he is now looking at plenty of free time to watch movies.
Well, maybe “free” isn’t the right word.
Bale Gone Wild
Remember last year when Christian Bale was arrested for assaulting his mother and sister? Well, as it turns out, maybe there’s a reason for such accusations.
Evidently, the Dark Knight – or is that American English Psycho? — is a spoiled, abusive, mad-as-a-hatter lunatic.
TMZ nabbed exclusive audio of Bale going nuts several months ago on the set of Terminator Salvation. It seems director of photography Shane Hurlbut had the audacity to inadvertently disrupt a scene by searching for something.
No word on whether Hurlbut found what he was looking for; what he did discover was one very ill-tempered jackass and more F-bomb droppings than Rod Blagojevich stubbing a toe.
– Chase
Light Posting Days Continue With Photo Editor Doug Hoke Destroying a Microwave
I’m not certain that Doug has anything against microwaves in general, but I belief that this microwave in particular agrieved him greatly.
Either/Or, Episode 13: Christmas Edition
In Either/Or, we take two people in similar pursuits, and you choose between them. It can be based on any criteria: professional ability, personality, intellectual prowess, physical pulchritude, or who you’d want backing you up in a knife fight. It really doesn’t matter: just choose Either/Or.
Either The Grinch:
Or Heat Mizer:
Either Elizabeth Banks in “Fred Claus”:
Or Zooey Deschanel in “Elf”:
Who Plays Rod Blagojevich in the TV Movie?
Hacky screenwriters, start your laptops: disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will undoubtedly be the subject of a quickie TV movie on Lifetime Movie Network or Fox News Channel, so now it’s time to cast this freak show. Who gets to play Blago?
Is it Wayne Newton?
Javier Bardem and his “No Country For Old Men” hair?
The ghost of Herve Villechaize?
Kevin Connolly of “Entourage” (with a suitable wig)?
William Devane in “The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training”?
Cast this thing now before someone with fewer scruples sells it to the highest bidder!
Technical Difficulties — Please Stand By
They’re upgrading the blogs for the next few days, so you might experience some irregularity. Or it could just be the stuffing.
President Bush Appoints Lee Greenwood to the National Arts Council
God Bless This Shirt
No, this is not The Onion. This is real life:
Lee Greenwood, known for writing and performing the most recognized patriotic song of our time – “God Bless the U.S.A.” – will soon be garnering air miles to and from the nation’s capitol. Greenwood has accepted a Presidential appointment to the National Endowment for the Arts council and will serve a six-year term.
Appointed by President George W. Bush and confirmed by the Senate, the Nashville-based country singer is scheduled to be sworn in today, Nov. 17, as one of the 14 regular members of the National Council on the Arts. Council members advise the NEA chairman, and their portfolio includes reviewing and making recommendations on applications for grants from the $145-million-a-year federal agency.
“My appointment to the council of the National Endowment of the Arts is a great opportunity for me to be involved in searching out the best in art in our American culture & to lend a hand to help develop talented artists & artistic programs that would otherwise go unnoticed,” adds Greenwood.
Yes, I’m an elitist. You knew that. I guess this will keep all of us latte-sipping Volvo pilots in our place for the next four to eight.
It’s All My Fault
No matter what your inclination might be, vote one week from today.
