Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher go for the highbrow in “Vegas.”
Rating: 34
Someone needs to burn this flowchart: Two mismatched and obnoxious people meet cute/drunk, are forced by a cranky judge to cohabitate, and then miraculous things happen in which they reveal unforeseen personality depths and fall in love. “What Happens in Vegas” is what happens when deeply cynical people get too familiar with that flowchart and make dull romantic comedies.
Jack Fuller (Ashton Kutcher) is a man-child who gets fired by his father (Treat Williams) and skulks off to Las Vegas with his best friend and attorney, Hater (Rob Corddry). Yes, Hater. There are a lot of zany names such as that in Dana Fox’s script, not limited to Judge Whopper, Dave the Bear, Richard Banger and Dr. Twitchell.
While in Vegas, Jack meets Joy (Cameron Diaz), who just endured an embarrassing breakup and is prowling casinos with her gal pal, Tipper (Lake Bell). After a night of commiserating and heavy boozing, Jack and Joy wake up together with wedding rings. Then a casino windfall means there’s a fortune at stake for the unhappily married couple. That’s when Judge Whopper (Dennis Miller) sentences these twits to six months of marriage counseling to teach them a lesson, and if either Jack or Joy fails to live a faithful and committed married life, they forfeit the cash.
The middle third of “What Happens in Vegas” is a series of dirty tricks that plays like a less venal version of “The Break-Up.” But then comes the inevitable softening, and their true feelings rise to the surface, and the sky opens up and celestial choirs sing.
Diaz and Kutcher lack the chemistry to make “Vegas” even a minor jackpot. They are just cashing checks in a frustratingly lame comedy full of unfunny jokes and stock-in-trade plot twists. The only big laugh comes courtesy of a bonus clip during the closing credits, making “What Happens in Vegas” hardly worth the trip.