YOU ASK…WE ANSWER…YOU DECIDE!

QUESTION: “I am having a party for my daughter and her friends. It is in our home. Some of the guests are old enough to have alcohol and others are not yet of age. I am in a quandary of what I should do, so, what would you suggest???  Should we serve drinks to everyone?

Thank you for your help.”

Callie’s answer: There is a new law that if you are serving alcohol to minors, you could be sent to jail. It is called the Social Host Law, if they are in high school, NO WAY —don’t serve alcohol to them.

If they are in college, you do not want to be held responsible. Your daughter, I’m sure, will help you navigate the situation, you both should sit down and talk about this.

It is SUCH a tough situation, but the law is the law.

Lillie-Beth’s answer: No, don’t serve alcoholic drinks to everyone. I believe that makes you liable for the actions of underage drinkers in your home; it’s dangerous as well for the minor who drinks there, then drives home.

I’d like to know what kind of party it is: Can you move it to the day, when alcohol isn’t expected? Can you develop it around a certain theme or activity that takes the focus off of alcohol and puts it on something else? That way you have an activity for everyone to enjoy, drinkers and nondrinkers alike. Why is alcohol expected?

You can also hire a bartender or two to mix the drinks and serve them for the evening (usually they don’t add much cost to the party) and let them check IDs so you don’t have to police your own guests.

It’s your party, and it’s your home, so you have every right to decide who gets served. I’m trying to think of how I would handle it when my kids are that old, and I can understand why there would be a dilemma in regulating who can have wine and who needs a soda. Make it clear from the beginning that if you’re not 21, you can’t drink. And hopefully your daughter and her friends will respect that rule.

Helen’s answer: Under-age drinking is against the law and as party hosts, you should not contribute to someone else’s downfall. You would hate it if he was arrested leaving your house where you served alcohol. Actually, you could be liable for a fine and jail term too.

It is still not safe for underage children to drink at home with their friends even if you supervise them and take their car keys away. It sends the message that the adults in the home are above the law. Whatever rules you have with your own children about home drinking is your business but giving alcohol to other people’s children should not be acceptable.

Sometimes, it is hard to tell if a guest is 21 years old, particularly if you don’t know the crowd very well. So, that makes the case for knowing your children’s friends and their parents. Do not hesitate to set and enforce those rules for drinking in your home.

Kathy Walker’s answer:( Former Nichols Hills Mayor and now President of Planet Nichols Hills) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_drinking_age Oh 20-40-60….This is a difficult and open-ended question for someone who parented 4 children (now 28, 29, 35, and 36) though decisions and choices as aforementioned.

The fact that the United States National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 states that people must be 21 years of age for purchasing and publicly possessing alcoholic beverages was a guideline for our family.  Although the law does not state that minors cannot drink alcohol in their own homes and on private property, it does leave that issue up to the States.  Oklahoma’s law does not prohibit minors from drinking alcohol in their own homes under supervision of a parent or on private property, or for religious reasons such as Holy Communion.  However, many municipalities have invoked Social Host Ordinances concerning the serving of alcohol to minors to hold parents and hosts criminally accountable for serving alcohol to minors.

For us, it has not been appropriate to serve alcohol to others who are under 21.  Whether it is a dinner party, a graduation party, or a birthday party, there are many ways to create wonderful events without serving alcohol.  Focus on the food with a theme and engage the young people in the preparation of the dinner. One year we rented a grill that could be used for making crepes and make it an interactive event.

However, if a large party is to be given for adults and young adults alike, sometimes a disclaimer that alcoholic beverages will not be served to those who are under 21 could be appropriate. We have actually made such disclaimers before holding this type of an event.

We have periodically gone to France with our children and when in that country, which has no minimum age for consumption and an 18 plus age for purchasing, we allowed them to drink a little wine at dinner.  But when we returned to our home in Oklahoma, we did not allow them to do so.  I think that it is the spirit of the law and the health of our young people that is more important than any party could ever be.

Callie Gordon, a college sophomore,  was a 2009 debutante and has been in many new social situations recently. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former  debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Kathy Walker is former Nichols Hills Mayor and now President of Planet Nichols Hills

This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.

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