20…40…60… Etiquette question #3
ETIQUETTE QUESTION #3 on Parties Extra! – This question came to us from….Twitter
YOU ASK—WE ANSWER—YOU DECIDE!
(Callie, a college sophomore, is a debutante this year and has been in many new social situations recently and Lillie-Beth is a former debutante and assistant features editor for The Oklahoman and Helen has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.)
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers give good information for every age range….Callie is 20-something; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-something.
Please email us with your questions and be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions every Wednesday on the Parties Extra! blog. Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions. Look for us!
Helen’s answer: Ask to move away from the offender on the airplane. If that is not possible, try not to breathe.
Know your crowd, particularly at parties, during the flu season! If everyone is coughing, go home. We all love our hugs, especially in Oklahoma, but we probably should refrain from too much hugging and just give your friends the biggest smile ever! Handshakes? Hard to give up!
Lillie-Beth’s answer: Both parts of this raise hard questions. Whatever you do comes with a cost. Do you risk being impolite and offending someone, or do you protect your health no matter what? I’ve heard more than one person note that they did not enjoy a movie as much as they would have because someone was coughing loudly and deeply behind them; aside from being annoying, who knows what germs the hackers were spreading?
First of all, though, it seems to me that people are more understanding of standoffishness this flu season because swine flu is new and unknown. I’ve noticed people are almost grateful if you apologetically refuse to shake hands or give hugs because you’ve been sick; if they’re sick, it would be nice if they did the same.
On the plane, in an ideal world, there would be open seats where you could request a move or a place that she could sit away from the crowd. In my opinion, that seems like a reasonable solution to ask of a flight attendant. But if not, you’re stuck there, unfortunately, and apart from not breathing the entire time, all you can do is offer regards and politely ask her to make sure she covers her mouth if she’s not doing so already or offer her something to use for that purpose. And then, quickly get off the plane looking for the nearest GermX and bathroom to wash your hands immediately.
In this day and age, we should all give each other some grace while we try to balance avoiding getting sick with offering respect and sympathy for those who are.
Callie’s answer: Why wouldn’t you move away? That lady is not coughing up flowers! I am more bothered when individuals do not cover their mouth when coughing, sneezing, or yawning. It doesn’t matter if she does not have the “H1n1″ virus; she obviously has something that you don’t want!
There is no serious need to stop hugging or shaking hands.
To the germ-a-phobs: nothing is wrong with going for the “Howie Mandel pound.” Nowadays, more people pound then high- five. Try pounding and not shaking hands. Although, I always keep hand sanitizer with me!
Don’t kiss people you don’t know. So college girls and boys, if you do not know them, don’t take the chance of getting sick! Significant others are not included, as long as they aren’t sick.
helen.wallace@cox.net
lilliebeth@rocketmail.com
calliezok3@aol.com
Parties Extra! talks holiday party manners
Helen Ford Wallace interviews Etiquette Expert Carey Sue Vega about holiday parties and party good manners.
ETIQUETTE QUESTION #2
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ETIQUETTE QUESTION #2 : From Helen’s email.
Your question:
My mother told me that is is appropriate to stand when an older person comes into the room. If I am sitting down talking to someone, it seems like that would be very rude to that person. What should I do?
My answer:
I think that rising when an older person comes in the room is a courtesy to them in small gatherings. Sometimes a younger person can offer an older woman (or man) a chair. In party settings, it is harder to jump up and down to acknowledge the older people, so I think you can use your common sense on this one!
Young people should definitely stand when being introduced to an older person!
Your thoughts?
10 tips for holiday parties
(A couple of years ago, we asked local residents for 10 holiday party tips. I found this information recently and realized it is good information for this year too….so here is a party re-run with tips for holiday parties. There are three good drink recipes too. HFW)
By Helen Ford Wallace
What kind of holiday party do you want to host this year? Elaborate? Simple? Lots of fabulous food? Dinner? Come and Go party? Come and Stay?
If you are having a party for the first time, make lists of everything: interesting mix of guests, delicious food, festive decorations, thoughtful gifts, liquor, wine, creative entertainment, holiday music, photos and everything you need to do. Then check them off.
You set the mood. If you are happy and festive, the guests will be happy and festive.
We asked several partygoers and party planners to share a few of their ideas on entertaining during the holiday season.
Invitation Designer and Calligrapher Linda Garrett:
Invitations should go out earlier than usual because there are so many events during the holidays.
And always have party favors (can be inexpensive) since you may not be at the door to tell your guest goodbye. Have a basket filled with cards that thank the guest for their friendship and for taking time to share the season with you. Put a sign on the basket saying please take one to tie on your tree.
If you don’t like people who ‘hit and run’, let your guests register for a surprise that will be given later in the evening. If you are encouraging ‘hit and run’, add ‘come and go’ to the invitation.
Bridal, Wedding and Party Consultant Judy Lehmbeck:
Keep everything for the party simple. Make sure everything you do can be done ahead of time so when guests arrive you will be able to focus on their comfort. Have all decorating done a day or two before the party. Make sure all serving pieces along with the serving utensil are out and put a sticky note in each container telling what is to go in each one.
Party Caterer Larry Brannon:
For entertaining, cook dishes that you know people would like. Many recipes are passed down generation to generation. It will make your party a little more personal. Do everything ahead of time as much as possible.
“When you set the table, use name cards with party favors using your holiday theme, Brannon said.
Local philanthropists and superb party cooks Jenny and David Kallenberger:
In planning a menu, try to include a family recipe such as ‘Grandma’s rolls’ as traditions are appreciated. Think local and seasonal as it hard to beat a homemade chocolate local pecan pie.
“For a dinner party, choose something tried and true ( not a great time to experiment). Entrees that are braised, roasted or baked are helpful when entertaining allowing attention to be turned towards guests instead of the kitchen. Make a complete shopping list. There is no reason to feel limited on choices of cuisine with places like Mediterranean Imports, Super Cao Nguyen, Gulfport, Kamp’s and Buy For Less and Crescent Market.
Trochta’s Florist Owner and Designer Jim Vallion:
Figure out where you want to have your party. Plan the menu. Order the flower centerpieces and other floral decorations. Send out festive and fun invitations so friends look forward to attending. Remember the economics of ‘how much do I want to spend on my party.’ Select the date and where to have it…home, club or restaurant. Plan a little something different with the theme…you might have all red, all gold, all silver.
“Good food is a must. You might have music and party favors and be sure to make everyone, friends, family, business associates, feels comfortable and special so they have a great time,” Vallion added.
Oklahoma City Golf and Country Club Events Director Carolyn Harl:
I like to send unusual printed invitations ( I hate e-mail invitations…they are so impersonal) . I love to create the party from either an experience I have had or have read about . I go on the Internet and see what the current ‘in thing’ is on the east and west coasts.
“I love giving party favors at the holiday season. It could be an ornament, bundle of cinnamon sticks tied with Christmas ribbon. Or it could be candy made from a secret family recipe beautifully wrapped in cellophane, ribbon and a small Christmas ornament attached to the ribbon. You might just give a Christmas handwritten note saying how important that person is to you sealed in a Christmas envelope,” Harl said.
Cookbook Author and excellent cook and party planner Ranell Brown:
Plan a party at least two months ahead. Send invitations four to five weeks ahead. It is hard to know, because sometimes if you send them too early, people forget. Remember to have a good time and enjoy your own party. If this means hiring someone to make all the arrangements, do so. The holidays are stressful enough without adding the pressures of entertaining.
Realtor and person who loves entertaining at home Kanela Huff: Be prepared. Do as much as you can ahead of time so you can enjoy your party. I try to add one new item, signature food or decoration each year. It could be Italian or Mexican food for the holidays which adds something new in decorating. Usually, I have a new color scheme or new theme each year. This year? We are working on it.
At a meeting some time ago, Junior League members asked Curtis Bramlett, Chris Fuhrman and Brian Ferguson to talk about holiday tips for food menus and drinks. Nancy Skaarer-Brown from Paper N More discussed party invitations.
Some holiday drink ideas from that seminar are listed:
“Reindeer Martini-Created by bartender Sherri Flynn of Harry’s Velvet Room in Chicago.
Shake over ice and strain to serve straight up in a martini glass, garnished with a cherry (red nose) and two cinnamon sticks making a “V” for antlers.
2 parts vodka
1 part Frangelico
1 part Malibu
Splash of cream
Mama’s Eggnog
In a bowl beat the egg yolks with the 1/2 c. sugar until thick. In another bowl beat the egg whites with 1/4 c. of sugar until thick. In a third bowl beat the cream until thick. Add the cream to the yolks, fold in the egg whites, and add the milk, bourbon, vanilla and a pinch of nutmeg, if desired. Chill in freezer before serving. Serve in punch bowl.
6 eggs, separated
1 pt. Heavy cream
3/4 c. sugar
4 pt. Milk
1/2 pt. Bourbon
1 T. vanilla
Nutmeg
Carolers Confection
Combine ingredients and top with whipped cream.
1 part Jose Cuervo Especial Tequila
5 parts Freshly brewed strong hot coffee
1 package hot cocoa mix
1/2 part coffee brandy
Responses from etiquette question
Remember this recent blog post on October 11th?
Never know what will come up next….Etiquette Question….
Your Question?/My Answer
Q: On the subject of children’s birthday parties. “ When it comes time to open the presents, there are always so many gifts that my elementary aged child just tears into them and we don’t know who gave him what. Is it ok to give a general thank you after all gifts are opened to all the kids and call it a day and go to play?
A: Some of the children at the party could have spent a lot of time figuring out exactly what your child might want and what to buy him/her. It really might cause hurt feelings if your child does not acknowledge the birthday gift. A better solution is to open the gifts one at a time and thank each child for the gift. It takes a little more time, but your child learns a lot by saying thank you and the gift-giver knows that his gift giving (and maybe package wrapping) efforts were appreciated.
A thank you note from your child is always appreciated.
There were several comments worth sharing about the subject of children’s birthday parties and thank you notes. Here they are…
Their answers:
Hilarie….
Dear Helen,
RE: Etiquette Question?
I am a certified etiquette consultant, a graduate of The Protocol School of Washington (DC), and I agree with your answer! Children can learn acknowledging and showing appreciation at an early age if given the opportunity. It might be nice for the parents to have a conversation prior to the party about how the process will work and how one behaves with all of the excitement of birthdays.
Best regards,
Hilarie H. Blaney, OKC
Carey Sue….
Helen,
You are spot-on with your answer!!!! I love it!!!
When we talk about thank-you notes in class, that is similar to the example I share with the kiddos….how long did it take to figure out what they were going to buy for your gift, they have to go out and purchase it, then wrap it. That takes quite a bit of time. How long does it take you to write a thank-you note??? Not near as much time, energy and effort as the person who gave you the gift! :-)
Carey Sue
Etiquette Expert and director for the Oklahoma City Metropolitan Chapters of The National League of Junior Cotillions and The International League of Corporate Cotillions.
Alan…from twitter
aherz @hfwallace Nice post http://tinyurl.com/ygwh4ek – You didn’t scold in the blog response as harshly as you did when asked in person.
Alan Herzberger, Digital Managing Editor
