20-40-60 Etiquette-White or black dress for the wedding?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: Can I wear a white dress to a wedding? How about a black dress? And if the wedding is at 8 p.m., does that mean I should wear a long formal dress?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Wearing white for a wedding isn’t as faux pas as it used to be. A white cocktail dress with the right accessories can play down the white. I wouldn’t wear white though, but that is just me. A little black dress is good for EVERYTHING! A cocktail dress is great for every event no matter the time. The length of the dress is a matter of what you are comfortable in.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: It’s the bride and groom’s day, and you don’t want to dress in anything that would detract from the focus on the bride and her gown. But restrictions about dress colors have loosened in recent years, and some even say white is OK, as well as black. If white is what you have, then try to ensure the dress’s style is far away from a bridal one, or make sure the white is used more as an accent color. I don’t see a problem with a festive black dress, either, and have seen those at weddings for years.
As for formality, the 8 p.m. time of the wedding indicates one about as formal as you will see, so dress long or short according to what’s in style or what you have. You can always ask the bride, her mom or someone close to the wedding party what guests will be wearing so you have a guideline.
HELEN’S ANSWER: The beautiful white wedding dress is still reserved for the bride. Guests should choose another color, or, if they do choose white, the outfit should also have additional colors on it or be accessorized so that it does not resemble a wedding ensemble. There was a time that I thought black was not an option for a wedding, but at almost every wedding I have attended lately, black was the color of choice and I wore black myself recently.
8 p.m. is a formal wedding time and men should wear black tie. Formal usually means a long dress, but check with the bride and her family as to what people will be wearing — long or short very dressy dresses.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Linda Miller, author of Fashion Matters Blog: Wedding etiquette rules are changing. Peggy Post, author of a dozen books on etiquette, says it’s fine for guests to wear either black or white attire as long as the outfits don’t look too bridal or funereal.
Others in the wedding business say white is the bride’s special color and female guests should not take away from the bride on her wedding day. As a recent mother of the bride, I tend to agree with the latter.
As for wearing a long gown to an 8 p.m. wedding, take your cue from the invitation. Does it say black tie optional or black tie? Most late-night weddings are more formal. Post says a long dress, dressy cocktail dress or your fanciest little black dress would be appropriate for a wedding specifying black tie optional or black tie. Wear long if you’re in the mood; if not, opt for something short and dressy.
20-40-60 Etiquette—Do I have to dress for dinner?
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QUESTION: Is there a dress code for the dinner table — at home? It seems to me that I should be able to wear what I want to when my mother calls me to the table (I am 16). But if I have on a tank top and cutoffs and generally look too casual, she will send me upstairs to change into something more appropriate. What gives?
CALLLIE’S ANSWER: I can see this being frustrating, although I don’t know what you think is appropriate and what your mom thinks is inappropriate. At my house, we are very casual, wearing what we have on or had on through the day. That said, I would say listen to your mom — there is no need to start a fight about something so small.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: More than likely, your mother is the one cooking dinner and providing a home for you to live in. It isn’t easy to plan meals and cook dinner every night for a family, and she is probably asking of you the same respect that you would show at others’ homes or at a restaurant. Meals are a production, no matter how thrown together, and they offer a good chance for family members to connect; at 16, I would imagine that you are scattered more often these days than you used to be.
Try showing up to a meal dressed like she would want you to be and with an attitude of thankfulness that you have the time together and a mom who is cooking for you. I may be reading more into this issue than she intends, but if you are sincere in thinking about it from her point of view, perhaps she’ll loosen up from time to time and think about the strict dress code from your angle. At 16, you are the child, even for not much longer, and she is the adult. You’ll have plenty of time soon enough to sit at your own table dressed how you want, but, then again, you’ll be making your own meals and spending your own money on food. Which would you prefer?
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is respectful to your family to look your best. The dinner table is a place where your family meets, hopefully for a good dinner, and usually good table settings. The cook has gone to some trouble to see that you have food. It makes sense to me to honor that.
Home is the very best place to learn manners at the table and an important one is how you look.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, etiquette and international protocol consultant: The answer is “yes,” and I applaud your mother for making the effort to teach you these things while she has the opportunity.
My siblings and I still laugh about our mother delivering her “dinner speech” when we announced we didn’t like something she was serving.
It went like this, “I am required by law to serve you healthy food, and you must eat it.” We believed her and quickly realized that she was our teacher and life coach and not our pal. It was her job to see that we became responsible adults that would raise additional responsible adults someday.
I would rid myself of all tank tops and wear at the table a decent shirt and shorts, not cutoffs, and of course, shoes.
You will be older a lot longer than you are younger and the opportunity to observe the results of her advice will be clear. Buy the book “How to Live Like a Gentleman: Lessons in Life, Manners and Style” at the new Anthropologie store.
Lastly, experience is worth more than advice, and your mom is trying to give you a lifelong gift and one that your spouse will appreciate some day!
Got an etiquette question? Email Helen Wallace hwallace@opubco.com
20-40-60 Etiquette-How about free samples?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
Email etiquette questions to HWallace@Opubco.com
QUESTION: Is it ethical to take free samples companies offer and use them for a craft project or another personal use that has nothing to do with the product? A recent post I saw on the social media site Pinterest suggested a cute, “free and easy” way to make bookmarks out of store paint-chip samples. These samples are distributed to customers who need to match colors in their homes before they buy paint.
When a reader questioned whether it was OK to take a handful or more of those samples for crafts, other readers accused her of being “negative.” I thought the initial reader’s question was valid: Is it OK to take free samples of a company’s product to use for any reason? What about taking several samples of something you have no intention of buying?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Ethical, no. Good idea, yes. Would I do it? No. What is it with people standing in line for a free pen? If they give it to you, yes by all means take it. Taking more than is offered is rude. There is always going to be someone that takes advantage of something free.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: The first thing to do in this situation is ask the store manager whether that’s a possibility, explaining exactly what you’re trying to do with the samples. Often the store doesn’t have a problem with people doing this if they ask.
But when someone posts something on a social media site such as Pinterest, good ideas tend to spread quickly, and a single post can result in many people requesting a lot of samples for a craft project. After a company finds its supply of free samples consistently depleted because of reasons that don’t lead to purchases, its managers might decide to start charging for the samples or stop offering them.
“Free” samples aren’t free for the people offering them — companies pay for them, whether small or large businesses — and I don’t think it’s right just to help yourself because you think you’re entitled to take them. The Pinterest post was reposted several thousand times. What also bothered me were the angry comments directed at people who questioned the idea of taking free samples, accusing them of being “negative.” This question was worth raising from an ethical standpoint. Good etiquette dictates that when we take an action, we consider how it might affect other people and not just ourselves.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It would never have occurred to me to get enough samples of anything for a group effort in repurposing, and I love free samples as well as anyone. It seems to me that one paint sample per person is what the business intended. Now, if the person asked if he/she could “buy” enough for a class project and the store staff said “just take them,” that is another story.
I saw the comments related to this posting and realize that there are a lot of opinions out there. But how would you feel if all of your samples that you had in place for buying paint were gone every time you looked in the basket, and you saw people walking out of the store with 40 paint-chip samples at a time? Not a good situation.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Yvette Walker, The Oklahoman’s director of presentation and custom publishing, and media ethics chair at the University of Central Oklahoma:
Most business owners know that anything put on display for the taking is just that, for the taking. There’s no way to control what the taker does with the takee’s items. However, I think the store owners hope that at least a good percentage of the takers plan to use the sample to determine whether to buy a product.
(Putting on my ethics professor hat:) Whether it is ethical depends on your values, principles and loyalties. Aristotle would apply his philosophy of the Golden Mean, and determine your ethics by the virtues you show. John Stuart Mill would say taking the paint chips could be ethical if it is a means to a just end. But universally speaking (taking off my ethics professor hat) … it’s just tacky to swipe free stuff when you have no plans to do business with the provider.
Come on, now. Is it too much to buy a $3 can of sample paint?
20-40-60 Etiquette-Should I tell them again and again?
Got an etiquette question? Email helen.wallace@cox.net!
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman and Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: Is there a special way to teach such manners as no elbows on the table, napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed? I have tried to tell my children the basic rules, and I find myself repeating them over and over, and they continue to break these particular ones. What should I do?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I have no clue. No TV for the night? No friends over for a week? This isn’t my department. Sorry.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: For starters, you can find someone else, like a friend or a teacher, to reinforce the same manners, so your children know that these rules don’t just come from you.
Also, at our house, I made up a fun game to do this, since I was tired of having similar issues over and over. We’ve been less than consistent in playing this, but it works well as a manners refresher. Here is the gist of it: We have made a written list of a handful of manners that we’re working on (napkin goes in lap, no talking with your mouth full, and no elbows on the table). We’ve designated a cup for each of us, including me, and all four are stored in the kitchen.
For every manners “violation” a person commits during dinner, that person has to put a quarter in his or her cup. At the end of the week we count the quarters, and the person with the fewest gets to keep the money from all four cups. The contest then starts over. My daughter won Round 1. Now I have to figure out a way to stop the arguing over how many quarters one owes and the “gotcha” attitude displayed when one of us is caught in the act, but it has been a fun way for us to pay attention to manners, including mine.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Strict table manners are essential in today’s world. Potential employers are very aware when they are hiring new employees. They want people who make a good impression at the table.
Other people do not want to be around those who display bad manners, and children need to be aware of this fact.
During a recent dinner sponsored by Junior Cotillion advisers Carey Sue and Ricardo Vega, Carey Sue gave instructions at the table including how to pass the salt and pepper, which fork to use and also how to appreciate the flower arrangement and to notice how nice the table looked. She stressed the importance of patience in waiting for a meal to be served and gave pointers on how to make table conversation, particularly with people the students did not know very well.
I think it is very important that parents and/or others create an environment for children to learn how to act at the dinner table and then to adhere to these manners themselves. Coach your children beginning at a young age that manners are important. And yes, sometimes, you must repeat them over and over. There will be a time when they understand and will be able to apply what you have taught them. Keep up the good work!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Bebe MacKellar, local community leader and volunteer: The most important thing in teaching manners is consistency. Although you might get sick of correcting your children, it is important that they learn the proper etiquette for dining.
I also think it is important that children are taught by example. Once children know the rules, they are quick to point out adults who break them. I would make sure that you and any other people who eat regularly with your children exhibit the proper etiquette.
You probably will have to stay on your kids for years. I know my mom still corrects us when we need it. Stick with it, and I know they will thank you someday, as there is nothing more appalling than an adult with bad table manners.
20-40-60 Etiquette: How do I carry both my plate and my drink?
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By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION: Is there a proper way to juggle your food and drink at the buffet table at a party? Recently, I had my plate full of finger foods and I had my drink in my hand, too. I set my glass down on the buffet table every time I added food. I guess I should have gotten my drink later, but at that time, I just had my hands full. Any ideas?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Leave your drink at the table if that is possible. If it is not possible, place your glass somewhere and then go through the line. That way you don’t have to juggle your drink and food. Go back and get it when you are finished with the line.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I have heard this dilemma explained recently to fifth- and sixth-graders taking cotillion classes. They are taught to hold their plates, drinks and napkins in their left hands so their right hands are free to shake hands or get food on their plates. It takes a bit of practice to juggle these items properly, and it is especially awkward for tweens who are trying to learn the basics, such as making eye contact during an introduction.
However, it’s possible: You can place the plate between two of your fingers and then anchor the drink on the edge of the plate between your thumb and forefinger to make it work.
Otherwise, leave your drink on the table when you get your food or set it down and get a new drink after you’ve gone through the buffet line.
HELEN’S ANSWER: The balancing act of holding both a drink and a plate gets a little tricky sometimes. I have seen people drop both the plate and the glass while trying to maneuver through the food line. And I have tried the method of setting the drink on the buffet table as I added food, but it definitely was awkward and I held up the line behind me while I found a place to put my glass every time I added food.
I think that it is better to fill your plate and then get a drink. If you are already holding a drink, set it at your table while you go through the buffet line. If you don’t have a place for it, put it down, and get a fresh glass later.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Ree Drummond, author of The Pioneer Woman blog, cookbooks and others and host of Food Network show: I’ll be honest, if there’s an etiquette rule regarding juggling cocktail party food and drinks, I never did learn it.
Sometimes I rest my drink on the plate, then build food around it. Sometimes I do what you did and set the drink on the table as I go.
But my favorite trick is sitting down at one of the tables and asking my husband to go load up a plate of food for me! I think this is one of those situations that’s open to many different approaches. The most important thing is to have fun…and enjoy those nibbles!
20-40-60 Etiquettte- Who goes first?
Email Etiquette questions for 20-40-60 to Helen Wallace (helen.wallace@cox.net)
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: When I am having lunch with a friend, I cannot decide who should go first into the eating area. Who should have the best view? The best seat? I always defer to the other person instead of barreling on ahead, but is there a correct way to decide who goes first?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I have never even thought about this. If this person is your friend they will tell you if they care where they sit. This is more about the company you’re with. Who cares where you sit?
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: The great part about having this etiquette dilemma is that you only have a moment or two of awkwardness and then you get to enjoy lunch with a friend. Either way, your friend probably won’t be offended and you won’t either.
Offer to let your friend go ahead of you, and then she will pick the seat. If you’re a woman eating with a man, the “ladies first” custom still applies, although let him suggest that order if it’s he’s going to. Or just let the traffic flow naturally. Usually it’s clear who should go first by where either of you are positioned. And if on a particular occasion, you need a certain seat in the restaurant for a specific reason, speak up and say why nicely.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is always courteous to let your friend go first, but sometimes that is awkward and if you are in front, then you should go on. Mostly, the person who does go first chooses where to sit. Use your best judgment and enjoy your lunch!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Linda Miller, author of NewsOK’s Fashion Matters blog: I really don’t think it’s important who gets the best view or best seat. When dining with a friend, I’m there for good conversation and good food. The view is secondary, though usually tables are situated so more than one person can look out at the lake, golf course or garden.
As far as who enters the dining area first, I think it should be whoever is closest to the hostess. That seems the easiest manner to me.
20-40-60 Etiquette: Gift of friendship is enough!
To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: My mom does this with food! But I haven’t seen her offer old gift cards.
That is awkward. Don’t take offense to it, though. I am sure she is trying to be nice. Tell her you would be happy to donate the gifts for her. Hopefully she will realize she doesn’t need to pawn them off to you.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Your friend apparently cares deeply for you and wants to show it.
You have handled it in a nice way by trying to refuse them and also by offering thanks. You could protest the gift card by telling her you’d love for her to spend that money on herself since she’s always doing nice things for others. Another idea would be to reassure her that you’re visiting her because you consider her a dear friend and not because of any gifts.
But you also don’t want to hurt her feelings if she enjoys making the effort with gifts. Smile, say “thank you” and enjoy your friendship.
HELEN’S ANSWER: You have been doing fine in the way you are handling the gift-giving. Your friend seems to need to offer you a gift as a thank-you for visiting her home. If you want it, fine, and if you do not, say no thanks.
She apparently does not need the gift cards, so you might suggest that she offer them to her favorite charity so they could go to someone who does need them.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, licensed clinical social worker and etiquette class teacher at Oklahoma Christian University: Some people’s “love language” (the way they show they care) is by giving, and more specifically, by giving gifts. In some cultures, gift-giving is a way of life. It might feel strange to you to receive gifts that you don’t need or want, but the point here is, your friend wants to give them to you.
She is showing you that she cares for you. Take the gifts and be thankful for them. Even if you don’t like the gift, appreciate that she is thinking of you. It is always fine to give the gift to someone else who might appreciate it, or to give it a charity if it isn’t something that you want to keep.
If you get the impression that your friend thinks you are hurting financially, it is always appropriate to bring up the subject and communicate with her that you are financially secure. We sometimes do not know what our friends are thinking, and we won’t find out unless we ask.
20-40-60 Etiquette—Would you move that grocery cart…please
To ask the 20-40-60 team an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: I do the grocery shopping for my family. My concern is how best to deal with the people who clog the aisles. Most grocery stores have aisles wide enough for two shopping carts to pass as long as each person pulls his or her cart over to the side.
It is very common for people to stop to look at an item and leave the cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking anyone else from passing down that aisle. My nice guess is that they are simply not paying attention to anything other than what they’re looking for. My guess is that they are unaware that other people ALSO shop in the grocery store, and that they are so overwhelmingly important that any of the rest of us who happen to be in the store should be glad to step aside.
Well, I have managed to not say anything mean to them … yet.
What is the proper way for me to proceed?
1. Simply go around, using the next aisle, and then work my way back to the spot I wanted.
2. Say “pardon me, I would like to get to the coffee over there.”
3. Say “hard as it is to imagine, there are other people in the grocery store who want to use this aisle.”
4. Stand there and stare (glare) at them until they emerge from their reveries and get moving again.
5. Ask them to move their cart to the side.
6. Or something else.
So far, I just try to ignore it and go to another aisle and come back later and hope I don’t run into them again.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: While I see how this can be frustrating, give people the benefit of the doubt. It can be as simple as a smile and “excuse me.” We all have come in contact with tacky people. In this case, simply move out of their way.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Wow! You’ve put a lot of thought and energy into this. I think the easiest thing to do is to excuse yourself and ask them nicely to move. That should snap anyone out of their reverie. It takes less energy on my part to assume that people are concentrating as hard on getting the right ingredients at the best price instead of deliberately and thoughtlessly pushing others aside.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Navigating the grocery takes a lot of patience. Fortunately, some grocery stores have wide aisles and you can get around these people, but, probably your best response is #2. It moves them out of the way of the item you are trying to get.
The people who leave the cart in the middle of the aisle in our grocery stores are everywhere. They irritate me, too. However, I have done it before when I was not thinking. You might suggest to the grocery store personnel that they put up a sign saying, “Slow carts on the right; do not park in the middle of the aisles; and be aware of other people in the store who are also trying to shop.”
GUEST’S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, local community volunteer and newspaper writer: The weekly grocery trip is often an onus. Unfortunately, we all need to eat.
Crowded store aisles tend to inflame an already adverse situation. There are some rules of the road. Cart etiquette is akin to driving a car. Caution and care are necessities to avoid those head-on collisions. When pushing down the aisles, stay to the middle and center. When you want an item, pull to the right and park the cart.
More importantly, however, is common courtesy. Although you may think manners come naturally, not everyone takes the time to practice them, especially when they are harried. Set yourself apart and use “please,” “thank you” and “pardon me.” Nice manners and a smile speak volumes about you.
Another option is altering the time you visit the store. Perhaps going during early morning or off-peak hours will help reduce congestion.
For some enjoyment and practical information, check out Carol Redinger’s “A Book of Grocery Store Etiquette: A Guide for the Consumer Based on Over 30 years of Observations and Aggravations.” The author has worked in the grocery industry in various positions and writes a fun, informative guide about how to best navigate through your shopping experience.
Happy shopping!
20-40-60 Etiquette….Aw…the soup spoon!
We would love to hear from you. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
QUESTION: There is confusion about “soup spoon etiquette.” It seems most people think the spoon always rests in the plate, especially after finishing. But others think if soup is served in a soup plate (rimmed wide, shallow bowl) that the spoon goes in it, not in the flat plate below the soup plate. What is a person to do?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: From what I was taught, you should never put it in the bowl. When you are finished, put the spoon on the plate under the bowl. Look around and see what others at the table are doing.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I was always taught to take the spoon out of the bowl and leave it on the saucer or plate underneath it, that it was wrong to keep a spoon, standing upright, in any bowl. Upon thinking about this question more, I have realized I do that most of the time; however, if the bowl is shallow and wide-rimmed, I am in the habit of leaving the spoon in the bowl, to the side, almost like I would if it were a plate.
The etiquette gurus tending to Emily Post’s famous guide these days agree, as do others. If the bowl is shallow, leave the spoon in the bowl, says emilypost.com. If the bowl is deep or the soup is in a cup, take the spoon out and place it on the saucer.
If you are still wondering, and the soup bowl comes served on top of another plate, then I think you will be fine if you take the spoon out and put it on the plate underneath when you are through with it.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Usually a bowl of soup is served on plate or saucer. When that is provided, always put your spoon on that plate. Never leave it in the bowl or the cup. That applies to when you are finished and if you stop periodically eating the soup. If there is not a plate, then, obviously your spoon goes in the soup bowl.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Kate Stanton, etiquette consultant and executive director, University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Student Affairs: In talking with one of my favorite ladies of treasured opinion, we both believe when soup is served in a small soup bowl, you rest the spoon on the plate beneath it between bites or when finished.
When you use a soup plate, though, you put the spoon on (or in) in the soup plate. A soup plate is normally large enough that you really don’t have much room to put it on the plate beneath. In checking a few etiquette books, the thoughts on this matter are all over the board. Happy winter and happy soup!
20-40-60 Etiquette- How do you hold a wine glass? Cup?
Any other etiquette questions out there? Email me at helen.wallace@cox.net
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: Is there a proper way to hold your wine glass? How about your coffee cup? I have seen people hold both of these drinking vessels in various ways, but I thought a wine glass should be held by the stem and a coffee cup by the handle?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Champagne and white wine are usually served chilled; holding it by the stem will make sure that your body heat does not change the temperature. A red wine is just the same: Hold it by the stem. This can give you a chance to see the color and clarity. Coffee, yes, hold it by the handle. But really, it is coffee. Who cares? Drink up!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I’ve seen people hold glasses in so many different ways that I had to look up the information in order to answer the question. After doing so, I now need to pour myself a glass of wine. Websites including fine wine sites as well as The Wall Street Journal and Real Simple Magazine note that wine glasses should be held by the stem, whether the wine is red or white, to keep your hand from warming it up, for white, or to keep the glass from getting cloudy with fingerprints. If there’s no stem, which to many wine drinkers is a faux pas, then drinkers should hold the glass in the middle, so hands don’t cover the liquid.
To me, holding a wine glass incorrectly doesn’t rank high on a list of etiquette breaches. I’d rather enjoy wine and company with friends however any of us hold our glasses and save our indignation for behavior that’s actually rude, selfish or hurtful to others.
As for coffee, I love the idea of drinking it but don’t like the taste, so I’ll leave mug handle-holding etiquette to other experts on this page. Cheers!
HELEN’S ANSWER: Wine glasses should be held by the stem and coffee cups are held with the index finger and thumb on the handle. Never is the index finger supposed to curl through the handle. Marilyn Torbett from Oklahoma City reminded me that we had etiquette classes at the sorority house and that we learned to hold a cup by holding with the thumb and index finger. She said, “Do NOT stick your finger through the handle. Among other Tri Delta manner tips during that time period (1960s and 1970s) were: ‘Do not be seen on campus with hair rolled up and do not walk with a cigarette in your hand.’”
GUEST’S ANSWER: Kathy Walker, local volunteer and community leader: This question has required some research. I have always known that one should always hold a white wine or champagne glass by the stem as to not warm the cool white or sparkling wine. However, apparently it is also only correct to hold a red wine as well by the stem so not to obscure the color and texture from one’s sight. In addition, thumbprints on the glass cause the wine to look cloudy and obscure a clear view of the wine.
The glass should be held much like a pencil at the base of the stem while one looks at the color of the wine. Swirling the wine for smelling the fragrance comes next and it is done with the same simulated grip of the pencil. After the swirling, taste the wine leaving it on the palate for a few seconds, swallow the wine, and then wait to analyze the wine. If one is holding a wine glass constructed without a stem, it should only be held with the thumb and index finger.
Coffee cups are a different matter. The saucer and cup are placed to the right of the place setting. The handle is held like a pencil with the index finger at the handle and the thumb resting on top with the third finger securing below the two when the cup is brought to the mouth and then returned to the saucer. If seated in a chair away from the table, the saucer remains in the lap resting on the four fingers of one hand and secured by the thumb while the cup is raised to the mouth with the other hand as mentioned above. If you are not drinking from the cup, lower it to the saucer.
However, what could be better than a warm coffee mug held with both hands on a cold winter morning?
