By Lillie-Beth Brinkman and Helen Ford Wallace and Callie Gordon

QUESTION: Panhandlers at various street lights in Oklahoma City have increased. Some people feel that we should give these people money at every stop. I do not feel like I have extra cash for this, but it is hard to politely look away when they are right in front of you. Is there a universal NO that I should know about or should I just pretend that I don’t see them?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: You answered it best by simply saying “I am sorry I don’t have any extra cash.” I had a friend who would get very upset when we would drive by people who were in need of food. She decided to make a “hungry kit.” She put all sorts of food that wouldn’t go bad in her car and would pass these out whenever she could! It was no longer sad but made her happy!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: There isn’t much else you can do at the moment they ask other than decline their request by saying “no” and shaking your head or driving by without responding unless you want to.

However, so many people live with great needs, and your conscience about turning panhandlers away may be leading you in a direction to help people of some sort. Pick a respected nonprofit organization that mirrors your interests and serve there often, with your own gifts of time or money. The Oklahoma Center for Nonprofits notes that there are nearly 19,000 nonprofits working in Oklahoma, covering a diverse set of interests. By doing that, when you see people asking you for money, you’ll know that you’re already working to change lives for the better.

HELEN’S ANSWER: It is so sad to see these people on the streets asking for cash. The people who are on the corner of Memorial and May in Oklahoma City are usually regulars, and I see people contributing to them every time I drive past. If you don’t have the extra cash to give them, just say shake your head and say no or ignore them. Hopefully that is enough to discourage them or the light will change and you can go forward. It is up to you how you want to handle these people and sometimes a firm answer is better than no answer.

If someone seems threatening to you when you say no, don’t hesitate to call the police.

If there is a time that you have extra money and you want to give to help people stay off the streets, find an efficient charity. That way you know the money you give will go to the people you designate.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Matt Price, Features Editor: This can be a tough situation for people who wish to be charitable and compassionate. However, Oklahoma City actually has a law against aggressive panhandling, which includes continuing to beg or solicit from a person after the person has refused. So your best response if you don’t want to contribute is a firm “sorry, no” or, if you are in your car, just continuing to look forward. Many people don’t wish to give to panhandlers, as there are concerns about how the money will be used.

If you do want to help, but don’t wish to give cash, there are two programs in Oklahoma City designed to assist panhandlers. Homeless Alliance Executive Director Dan Straughan made two suggestions in an October 2012 story in The Oklahoman: the City Rescue Mission’s Compassion Card and the Homeless Alliance’s Real Change voucher.

Here’s more information, from the story by Leigh Anne Manwarren:

• The Homeless Alliance’s voucher program costs $1 per voucher, which pays for a person’s bus fare to the Homeless Alliance’s three multipurpose shelters. Go to www.homelessalliance.org/?page_id=37

• The City Rescue Mission’s Compassion Card program is a card with the shelter’s phone number so a volunteer can pick up a person in need, and the card is free. Go to http://cityrescue.org/learn/services-and-programs/compassion-card-project/

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I actually am going through the SAME thing but a little more. My friend who does not live near me will not return my calls, texts, snail mail or email. This has been going on since FEBURARY; I feel like a total STALKER. If one is not contributing then is it worth it? My thought is no. Harsh but who wants to feel like this with a friend. Thanks for helping me decide! Hope it works out for you!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I hate that feeling, and you’re not alone. I don’t think telling anyone about your insecurities is going to help mend a friendship that may or may not be broken. Your friend might sincerely be busy or dealing with something else that has nothing to do with you. As hard as it is not to DO any more to fix it, I think you’re going to have wait this one out, which is easier said than done. Perhaps you could try again six months or from now, after anything he’s going through has settled down, or maybe you’ll run into him again and then will be able to catch up. If you’ve made all the effort you can, at some point, you have to let it rest. Unfortunately, at this busy stage of my life, it’s hard enough to find time to meet with the friends who actually care, and those are the ones who are worth more effort.

HELEN’S ANSWER: I realize that things do come up and cause people to cancel luncheon engagements, but if he has not returned your email either, then it is time to put this friendship on hold. You might try one more time via telephone to connect with him, but the ball remains in his court to try to get the two of you together. He might be going through some trauma and might want to be alone. There are all kinds of reasons for this inattention, but let him make the next move.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Kathy Walker, local civic leader and community volunteer: How unfortunate that someone whom you call a friend has not had time to invest in your relationship together as friends. Rather than take on a mantle of hurt feelings, perhaps you could leave a voice mail for him stating that you would love to try for lunch once again and leave it at that — no need for telling him your feelings of need or reference to his busy life.

If you don’t hear from him, invest your time in developing other friendships and a busy meaningful life with new and interesting people, activities, and volunteer service to others. I’m sure you will make a great friend for someone else.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus.

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: We are sending out college graduation announcements for our son. At this time, so many people are hurting financially. We want people to rejoice and be a part, but they cannot even attend as the school gives four tickets only per graduate. I want to include a note in the announcement like: “Please celebrate with us during this important event. No gift, but good wishes, are required.”

Help me. I don’t know if this seems tacky. I need to get them out quickly.

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I understand that you want to celebrate your son! Putting a note on the announcement is fine! Just expect that some people will give gifts.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: You’re on the right track, and I think people will understand that graduation seating is limited and that you simply wanted to share your good news. Then they can decide whether they’re close enough to your family to send a gift or a card or just good wishes. Just because you sent a graduation announcement does not indicate to your friends that you’re expecting gifts. Whatever you say, I would keep it as simple on the announcement as you can.

HELEN’S ANSWER: It is always appropriate to send graduation announcements even though they might not be invited to attend the ceremonies. People like to know when their friends and family members are graduating. It is up to the individual person whether they send a gift or not and they will make that decision. If the invitation comes from a family member, they will probably send a gift. If the announcement is from an acquaintance, maybe not.

Probably it is best just to send the announcement and not include your note as they might think you are having a celebration. If you are having a party and they are coming to your home, great! Then you could add “no gifts please.”

GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, licensed clinical social worker who has taught etiquette classes at Oklahoma Christian University: It is never rude to tell folks not to send gifts. I would encourage you to leave out the word REQUIRED. For some people, due to their time, it is challenging to get a card sent out! It is always fine to simply say, “No gifts please”.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: I am invited to a cheese-and-wine party for a bride-to-be. Do I take a gift? If so what are some ideas for a gift?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Yes, you bring a gift. Usually on the invitation it states where the future bride and groom are registered. If not, call one of the hostesses and ask.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: If it’s for a shower, then yes, bring a gift for the bride. You can also bring a hostess gift like a bottle of wine. The invitation should state the theme; perhaps here, the theme is related to items for the new couple to use for entertaining. If it’s simply a party in their honor, then a gift isn’t necessarily required. Call the hostess and ask to get the best guidance.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Usually the invitation states if the party is a wedding shower and if there is gift required for the future bride. Maybe this is just a celebration to be with friends before the wedding. However, the simple solution is to call the hostess and inquire.

A bottle of wine would be something that goes along with the theme of the party or a gift certificate to a cheese shop.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Mollie Bennett, Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon Coordinator: I love wine and cheese parties. Who doesn’t love a good bottle of wine along with some great cheeses? It is always nice to take a hostess gift to any party, so in this case I would bring a bottle of wine to contribute or some grapes and berries for the host to put with the cheese and wine. As for the bride, if the invitation lists where she is registered, I would look for something that could be used with wine or cheese on her registry. If the invitation does not list her registry, I would bring stemless wineglasses. They are my favorite!

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: My husband is from another country. Manners were not something that were stressed during his upbringing. Part of that extends to the way food is eaten at the table. For example, in his country it is acceptable to pick up your soup bowl and use your silverware close to your mouth when you dine.

Going along with that includes a great deal of slurping and lip smacking. I have tried numerous times to speak to him, delicately and not so nicely about this issue. He works in a professional field and I am concerned that his colleagues are as repulsed as I am. What else can I do?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Unfortunately if this is normal in his country it is probably habitual for him. If I were you I would try to keep having chats with him, although I hate that advice because you’re not his mother. Good luck!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: It sounds like you have done what you can to help him understand this country’s accepted customs and manners. Maybe you could point out that if you were to visit another country, you’d try to learn their manners, too. A normal gesture in one culture might be obscene in another, so it’s always good to understand another point of view. If not, perhaps you can enlist someone else that he trusts to be direct with him or find a way to use humor to make the point.

This is also a good time for others to take the time to get to know someone who comes from another culture. It’s hard to undo first impressions and people don’t always take the time to understand why people act the way they do. While it’s important from a business standpoint for him to adapt, it also could be interesting if possible to use some of these habits as a way to initiate dialogue about what it’s like to grow up outside the United States.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Slurping of food is not pleasant to hear or see. You should always consider others at the table. Your husband should try to learn the manners of the country where he lives — in this case, the United States, and since you have already tried to talk about the issue, maybe it is time to bring in someone else he might listen to. Is there a relative, a minister or a friend who could remind him of how he should eat in front of others or what is expected in the professional field where he works? This may be very important in his business.

It is certainly important that his manners improve if you have children, as it is hard for children to witness impolite behavior from a parent. You don’t want them to be ashamed of eating at the table with him, either at home or at a social event.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie Blaney, etiquette and international protocol consultant: In today’s global economy, we are doing more and more business at the meal table.

In fact, these days employers are making final interviews over a meal. When you are looking for a job or trying to get a promotion, your business etiquette skills are what can make or break you. I would stress to your husband that this is important enough to businesses that companies and individuals hire people like me to coach, train and educate their young professionals as well as executives that want to “brush up” their skills.

For you, this topic becomes more challenging with his country of origin, coupled with years of habits. It is my opinion that as an employee of a U.S. company, he should learn proper business etiquette, because his employer and clients expect that of him. Secondly, reading the book “The Power of Habit” will help you understand how luckily, habits really can change.

Once more, I would tell him how important this is to you and to your enjoyment as a couple, because eating is sometimes a social or romantic event. Not to mention, if you have children, you have a responsibility as guides and educators to be role models for them. Last, but not least, maybe Mr. Slurping and Lip Smacking would have some time to contemplate the importance of manners if he were eating alone in the other room!

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: I know there are still men out there who are gentlemen. Recently, my date moved over to walk on the side of the street, while we were on a walk downtown. This same man always pulled my chair out to seat me and opened my car door. But, I also know that some men don’t give a thought as to how to act on a date. Another example of what I consider terrible behavior is the man who uses a toothpick after dinner and the man who never offers to pay for the meal, even when he asked me out.

My question: I really like men who act like gentlemen. Since I have dated only one man who had manners in several years, how do I find more?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Dump the guy who doesn’t pay for your dinner or drinks. Never is that OK or a good quality. Some men forget and might need to be called out. One of my friends told the guy “my dad told me to never date or trust a guy that doesn’t open the doors for me.” Needless to say he opened ALL doors for her after that.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: As friends have noted, decent single men may not have a lot of time to date because they’re heavily involved with their children, volunteering at schools and other places and working hard at their jobs, kind of like the neat single women I know, too. You can stay involved in activities that interest you and keep your eye out for single men who are available and have shared interests — a definite bonus. Also, take a look at your expectations about what you think a gentleman should be doing as well as the signals you’re sending to the men you want to date. Something might be lacking in your communication, verbally or nonverbally.

There are gentlemen/decent men who out there who will treat you well, but finding ones to date whose ideas match your own is another story. Don’t settle for less, but good luck!

HELEN’S ANSWER: Good manners are important and I hope that you don’t settle for someone who does not act like you think he should act. Opening car doors and pulling out chairs are good indicators of how he treats women. University events, art shows and charity events are great places to meet people. Keep an eye out at the cleaners, restaurants and church. The right man with good manners is out there.

GUESTS’ ANSWER: Christina Nihira, local community volunteer and journalist: Dating rules today are less defined and murkier than in previous decades. As you approach the dating scene, keep in mind that your expectations for “proper” dating behavior may have to be eased to meet society’s more casual attitudes.

That being said, it is possible to find kind, eligible gentlemen. It’s all about location. Try to meet men that share similar interests. That could be doing a hobby, volunteering for a nonprofit organization or attending church. And, friends are a great resource. Get them to help if you’re serious about finding a man with certain conduct.

Yes, decent men are scarce these days. Maybe even considered endangered. However, if you want to snare one of these rare species with a good heart, ultimately you have to put yourself out there.

File photo by Matt Strasen

    

Scott        Brad      Clay        Ron        Nick        Ford

QUESTION: My new neighbors recently moved in. When we met them they said they had dogs and to let them know if their barking bothered us. A year has gone by and the dogs have continued to bark loudly. It has not bothered me, but it is really starting to bug my husband. Should I say something now, or is it too late to bring the subject up?

NICK TANKERSLEY, 30s, Web Editor, NewsOK: I am able to answer this question from the perspective of someone who owns a dog that barks — a lot. Since your neighbors have said that if the dog barking becomes a nuisance you should let them know, then you should let them know. If they didn’t care whether or not their dog drove you slowly insane then they wouldn’t have been so straightforward about you talking to them. I’d wager that calmly explaining that the barking has been excessive lately won’t cause any ruffles in your relationship and will yield some sort of resolution that will be to your satisfaction.

With that in mind, it’s also important to realize that there’s not much someone can do when they have an obnoxious outside dog. Mine is a delight inside, calm and quiet. The minute she gets outside her brain melts into a frenzy of yapping. It’s reasonable that your neighbors will regulate when the dog is outside. We don’t let ours outside for extended periods late at night or early in the morning unless we are out there with them. During the day if we’re home we attempt to calm the barking down while she’s outside. We have a low percentage of success but it does work sometimes. I urge you to see if your neighbors are making an effort before going back with another complaint, if necessary. Check to see if the dog is out less often and/or for shorter durations of time. Listen for their voice to come echoing over the fence with a “will you shut up, already?” I tend to lace mine with a few more profanities because it’s a dog and doesn’t know the difference.

Outside of strapping a box to the dog’s throat that shocks them each time they bark (doesn’t sound very pleasant, does it?) minimizing their time outside may be the only option.

FORD SANGER, 30s, local businessman: Your neighbors knew this would be an issue or they would not have mentioned it when they moved next to you. I would take them up on their original offer and discuss the situation.

You also could discuss the barking at your local homeowners meeting and try and get direction from the board members on neighborhood guidelines regarding excessive noise. There is no reason for you or your husband to feel trapped in the situation, as communication can usually fix the issue.

BRAD MCNEILL, 40s, owner, A&B Paving: If dogs are constantly barking then you need to say something to the neighbors. If they bark whenever you go out in your backyard then you need to say something to the neighbors. If the dogs bark at your kids playing in the backyard then you need to say something to your neighbors.

You live in your house and shouldn’t be a prisoner in it. Be cordial and “neighborly” when you discuss things with the neighbors. Don’t be angry or you will create a problem that is far worse than a barking dog. It sounds like they are aware of the potential problem so they should understand. If the problem continues, then call the police. They can get cited for disturbing the peace and that will get their attention.

SCOTT KINNARD, 50s, chief executive officer of A La Mode Inc.: It’s obvious from their comments the neighbors knew their dogs could be annoying when they moved in. So, they won’t be surprised when they’re told the barking has become a problem. If they ask about the delayed reaction, it’s appropriate to let them know their dogs were tolerated as long as possible.

CLAY HEALEY, 50s, Owner, AIC Title Service, LLC: It is never too late to bring it up! Your neighbors went to the trouble of telling you to contact them, so by golly shoot ‘em a friendly email or initiate a friendly lawn conversation and mention that lately the dogs have been barking an awful lot; is there anything you can do? They initiated the discussion in the first place, so it seems ultimately proper to bring up the issue if you do have a problem.

RON JAMES, 60s, independent oil producer: Your husband has every right to enjoy the comfort and tranquility of the home. If your neighbors are taking that away from him by not controlling their dogs, then something has to give. He should go next door and let the neighbors know that the dogs are a real problem. Hopefully, they are like the vast majority of neighbors here in Oklahoma and they will take the necessary steps to quiet the neighborhood.

Bad dogs have bad parents. This problem is their responsibility to correct.

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

QUESTION: Not long ago, a friend from Atlanta called to say a couple with whom she was close were moving to Oklahoma City. She asked if I could I give them the royal welcome. No problem. We had them to dinner in our home a couple of months after they arrived. I called a few times to make sure they were settling in OK. I asked the wife to lunch as I know moving to a new city can be lonely.

CALLIE’S ANSWER: That is very nice of you! If you enjoy spending time with her and would like to be friends, of course extend an invitation. That being said, I feel like you have done your duty. She can contact you if she wants to.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: You’ve honored your friend and made an effort to make a new one.

It’s hard to move to a new city, and how nice that they had someone like you to welcome them. It’s too bad they didn’t reciprocate your invitation or show their appreciation.

However, this is one of those situations where you can follow up if you’d like to continue to get to know them or drop your effort altogether.

If you talk to your initial friend, you can ask out of concern or curiosity how they’re doing and if they’ve settled in OK. Then you might learn what happened to them.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Maybe the newcomer is still settling in or still unpacking boxes?

It was really kind of you to have them to your home and make them feel welcome. If you are having a large party, it would be nice to include them to meet some of your friends.

If your other friend from Atlanta comes to visit, then you can all get together. That seems to be all you can do for now. It is time for them to take the next step in your friendship.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Mary McReynolds, book author: This initial answer would be from one who tolerates no rudeness: You have gone above and beyond to welcome these ingrates. Let them find their own way as it’s clear they are NOT into you and your overtures. Wipe the dust off your welcome mat as a testimony against their shocking rudeness and lack of reciprocity. I absolve you.

This secondary answer id from one with a cool head following the initial response:

You have treated others as you would like to be treated. It is too bad this couple did not reciprocate. It is safe to assume they have moved on. Time for you to do the same.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. 

To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net

YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: We have had a young part-time worker in our office and she was just hired full-time to begin her job in the summer. She needs help with her personal hygiene, her appearance and her clothing choices. I cannot believe she was hired with these issues, but she was. Should I jump in and offer to help her? Is there a class out there that she could take to learn to be more aware of how she looks?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: I am not sure about classes she can take; you might want to Google to find out more. How close you are to her is something you need to take into account if you “jump in and help.”

If this is something that bothers you, I would bring it to someone’s attention that will not jeopardize your working relationship with her. For example: HR. If you are not satisfied with the end result, my motto is, “not your problem.”

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Before you approach her or enlist anyone else to do it, like a supervisor, make sure you want to get involved out of genuine concern and care for her well-being and career (in addition to the office’s benefit) and not to point out her flaws for other people to notice. You are right in that hygiene and how we present ourselves matter to our careers, but it is still a delicate situation. As you consider options, keep in mind that she may be defensive or embarrassed because she had no idea, so tread gently on her feelings. Can you enlist an older supervisor to talk to her privately? She might listen more readily to an authority figure who can directly point her in the right direction.

HELEN’S ANSWER: It seems to me that her supervisor is the one who needs to be seeing about the worker in question and when he/she meets with the young woman, appearance issues should be addressed. That is part of education about the job and if dress codes are important, then the supervisor can offer suggestions and let her know that people are available to help her. It sounds like the young woman needs to be told right away.

The supervisor might not see this as a problem, so maybe several co-workers can meet with the “boss” and politely offer to help.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, licensed clinical social worker who has taught etiquette classes at Oklahoma Christian University: I don’t know of any classes offered to help educate adults with hygiene or to help her be more aware of how she looks. If a young person can learn to be insightful enough to see how others see her, this will go a long way to help them in her career.

This situation could be handled in a variety of ways. The most important piece of any way it is handled is with kindness.

The best source of this information to a worker is from her supervisor. Co-workers may be helpful and make suggestions, but unless the information comes from someone that has authority over the employee, there is no way to enforce the changes that need to be made. A direct and kind conversation with this co-worker will make the most impact.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus.

YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!

By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace

QUESTION: My adult daughter is engaged to marry an old friend from high school. This will be her first marriage, but he was married briefly before. My daughter would like to have a large church wedding and reception, and I expect that some of my friends will offer to have parties and showers. The dilemma is that we live in a small town and share some friends with the groom’s family. The groom’s mother is embarrassed that some of those that my husband and I would invite to the wedding and parties already gave wedding presents to her son and his first wife, only a few years ago. How do we handle this?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: Invite the people you want to invite, and try not to stress too much about it. Take it all in stride; this is a happy time for your new son-in-law and daughter! Congratulations, and have fun!

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Your concern for you future son-in-law and his family is thoughtful and respectful and seems like it will serve as the foundation for a good relationship in the future. However, it is your daughter’s first wedding and a celebration for two people joining for a future together — not a past, except the one they share from high school.

Friends will want to rejoice with the happy couple, and most will keep in mind that it is the first marriage for your daughter. Invite the people with whom you normally would share this occasion, and let them decide whether they want to give another wedding gift. In today’s times, most people have dealt with the realities of divorce, whether they’ve gone through it or supported a family member or friend who has. Given the choice based on the invitation, they can figure out personally what works best for themselves in terms of gift-giving and celebrating the new wedding.

HELEN’S ANSWER: How wonderful it is that these two people have found each other again. Celebrations are definitely in order. I hope her wedding and reception are just perfect!

Weddings, parties and showers are optional and guests can make the decision whether to come or not, or, whether to send gifts. It would probably be better to invite these friends to the wedding and round of parties, rather than leave them out of the plans altogether. Guests could bring gifts for the couple that would focus on the one who is getting married for the first time.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Kathy Walker, local volunteer and community leader: When a couple become engaged and the wedding invitations are to be mailed to family and friends, whether the guests of the bride or groom overlap is not relevant.

The bride’s family and friends will want to send a gift, after all this is her first and — best scenario — only wedding. Also, friends of the bride and groom who had previously attended the groom’s first wedding will want to send a gift to the bride.

However, I would hope that the groom’s family is not expected to give him gifts this second time around and certainly his bride should understand. Members of the groom’s family may want to share his celebration by giving the bride something personal.

Friends of the bride’s family will want to host parties and showers. When it comes to compiling a guest list for the affairs, the bride should not be denied sharing her happiness with her friends and those of her parents. Perhaps she could celebrate with only one shower and then the couple could be honored at a dinner or brunch and she at a luncheon or tea.

After the wedding is over and the years fly by, the bride and groom will come to realize that love and understanding will become more valuable to them than all the possessions bestowed upon them for their wedding. However, they will forever remember their friends and family for supporting them when they joined their lives together.

Callie Gordon is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus.