We got mail! 20-40-60
Callie, Lillie-Beth and I received several comments, an e-mail letter and a postal letter about 20-40-60, including several about the barking dog question, and another about twitter. Here they are, unsigned, with links to the particular posts.
On the twitter question…20-40-60 column posted on Parties Extra! on February 10, 2010
“Your twitter problem made me decide to respond to you. When my son removed himself from Facebook a couple of years ago because he felt it was too public, I decided to stop debating whether to join and made a firm decision not to do so. I really don’t see the point of public communication. Emails are scary enough, and take a huge amount of time.
As for twitter, nothing about that seems even remotely attractive. I have 24 hour answering on my home and work phone. Anyone who knows me can leave me a message on one or both, and I will get back to them. If I am not at home or the office, I’m either driving to or walking somewhere where using a cell phone is bad manners at the very least so mine stays off or in my car.
I will say that, as a family lawyer, I do love being able to view the information that my clients’ former friends and relatives choose to make public and have found it VERY useful on many occasions. It’s kind all of the instant information I receive when I see a tattoo… Or, the information I receive when I’m with someone who believes that texting or answering a cell phone is more important than whatever we were doing. (I don’t mean people who are on call for work or need to be able take a call because of an emergency situation, but I believe that is what vibrate is for).”
On the 60’s category….20-40-60 comment posted on “We Got Mail” on February 9, 2010
“I read all your comments and was amused by (and agree with) your answer to your former journalism student who suggested you might be challenging the 60’s category. Since we have children the same age, I say we are 60 forever. Isn’t that the name of a song, “Forever 60″? Hah! Or, as they say these days… LOL.”
Two responses on the barking dog issues: 20-40-60 column posted on February 17,2010
1. “That was a good question and great responses! It is sad, but I think most people have been put in the situation of trying to address a barking dog. Good work! :) You would like to think the neighbor/owner would be respectful enough to address it themselves but people never stop amazing me! LOL! “
2. “After reading your article in The Oklahoman Feb. 18th paper, I have the answer:
My next-door neighbor has three dogs who used to be annoying and barked all day, especially when we were in the yard.
Ask your neighbor the dogs’ names.
Ask if it’s all right for you to give them a dog gone.
At Homeland, I buy a box of “Always” large dog bones (cheapest and the dogs like them). I buy dog treats — a 5-ounze bag in Dollar General for $1.
In the morning, Roxie, Caddie and Zeke bark when they come out to let me know they are looking for me. I take three bones — three treats for each. They get their treats first, then one bone. You talk to the dogs and say their name. Tell them how good they are, and no more barking.
Whenever I see my neighbor, I ask him if they like their bone. He said, “don’t quit!”
The cost of bones and dog treats is infinitesimal. It’s very important to get along with our neighbors.
Hope you like my solution. “
Oklahoma City Panhellenic members schedule a tea and a luncheon
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Marca Floyd and Kevyn Colburn talk about the Greater Oklahoma City Panhellenic events.
Kiwanis Club of Oklahoma members have party
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Heather and Philip Busey, Derick Deweber and Sunny Cearley were at the Kiwanis Club party. (Photo provided)
Margaret and Art Hoge entertained members of the Kiwanis Club of Oklahoma City. It was a party which had been called off during the snowy weather and re-scheduled last week.
Are manners passe? 20-40-60 answers
YOU ASK…WE ANSWER…YOU DECIDE
QUESTION: Are manners passè ?
(A dear friend of many years who understands the importance of proper manners and etiquette gave me a quote from the “Li Chi,” or “Chinese Book of Rites,” compiled in the first century B.C. that warns the “ruin of states, the destruction of families and the perishing of individuals” is always preceded by their abandonment of the rules of propriety.)
Callie’s answer: Manners will never be passè!
If you think they are, then you are passè! “Please” and “thank you” are a must in showing appreciation and a type of kindness!
Kindness and manners, I hope, will never be passè.
Lillie-Beth’s answer: I want to scream “NO, MANNERS ARE NOT PASSÈ!” but that would be rude, especially when typed in uppercase. Who determines whether that’s rude? Society? What do we mean by society? Is there such a thing as manners police? Not unless you’re talking about young brothers and sisters who are quick to point out siblings chewing with their mouths open.
Whew! So many unanswered questions, especially in today’s world, when it seems that rules of etiquette are often left to individuals’ feelings about a particular subject.
In the grand scheme of things, I like to think that having good manners (or at least attempting them) shows your respect for another human being, stranger or friend. Being courteous is a sign that you think of others’ beyond yourself.
Manners are kind of like the “The AP Style Book” that journalists use for consistency in writing. You don’t notice when everything’s in place because you’re just enjoying the writing; but inconsistent grammar, spelling and punctuation distracts readers and detracts from the writing.
So it goes in the world of etiquette: for right or wrong, people’s lack of decorum in social situations either reveals a true character that may be flawed, overshadows any good character traits or makes people question whether they have any good traits at all. But if you have good manners, even if they go unnoticed, people simply can enjoy your company without a negative distraction.
Helen’s answer: No! Manners are in! The good news about manners and etiquette is that they are for people who wish to improve themselves and make a difference in the world. We all have a responsibility to be civil and treat each other well. We don’t have to do everything just right, but, it is a good idea to be thoughtful and to have common sense. We can choose civility over rudeness.
Manners have to do with consideration for others. Nowhere are manners more on display than at the table. We have all witnessed people in restaurants with their arms and elbows on the table, talking with their mouths full, blowing their noses and grooming themselves. It seems like they are thinking only of themselves and not how annoying they are to the people around them.
But, manners are not only about the table. We need to remember to use basic and simple words such as please, thank you, and excuse me. Some people may not understand the relevance in etiquette training. They may think the notions of protocol and civility are quaint and out-dated concepts. Some people believe manners are only for the elite, the privileged, or the country club set.
Yvette Walker’s answer: Official rules of etiquette may be passé but politeness and common courtesy are not. I like the often-used but unattributed quote, “Etiquette tells one which fork to use. Manners tells one what to do when your neighbor doesn’t.” Is it a manners crime if you do not place your fork and knife parallel on your plate when you are finished eating to signal to the waiter that you are done? Does it matter if a woman sits on the right or the left? (Emily Post says “a lady on the left is not a lady.”)
However, it is common courtesy to tip correctly. It is polite for a gentleman to offer his arm to a lady when navigating a steep hill or sidewalk. I always offer a knife or a pair of scissors with the sharp end pointing towards me. That is how my mother told me to do it and I honor my mother by doing this. Plus, it is safer to handle sharp items this way.
Other courtesies that I agree with and expect from others include offering a seat to an older or disabled person, introducing an older person before a younger person and sending regrets if you are not able attend a party once you have agreed to come. These niceties simply make life easier.
(Callie Gordon, a college sophomore, was a 2009 debutante and has been in many new social situations recently. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Yvette Walker is OPUBCO’s Director of Presentation, Features and Custom Publishing.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog. Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
helen.wallace@cox.net…lbrinkman@opubco.com… calliezok3@aol.com
Autumn Daves and Lindsay Hightower talk about Artspace at Untitled Gallery
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Barbara and Judge Ralph Thompson host Franco-American fellows
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Cathy Webster, Jennifer Robinson, Cyndy Shaw, Ginny Hartson, Desa Dawson were at the party in the home of Barbara and Judge Ralph Thompson. (Photo by David Faytinger).
Barbara and Judge Ralph Thompson were hosts for the 2010 Eleanor Kirkpatrick Franco-American Fellows reception. The fellows are Pearl Dang and Tiffany Nguyen, Classen School of Advanced Studies; Hayden Nunley, Westmoore High School; Anna Stephenson, Oklahoma School of Science and Mathematics.
The four students will attend school, work on a research project and stay with host families in France from March 6-20. The program is a reciprocal one between the Academie d’Amiens in France and L’Alliance Francaise in Oklahoma City.
Premiere Cotillion Winter Ball features dinner and dancing
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Ricardo Vega, Mitchell Draelos, Blakely Rae Elliott, Alyssa Knox, Griffin Hullender and Carey Sue Vega were at the National League of Junior Cotillions, Premiere Cotillion, Winter Ball white tie event. (Photo by David Faytinger).
Carey Sue and Ricardo Vega were hosts for the Cotillion Winter Ball at Gaillardia Golf and Country Club. Students at the white tie event had a formal six course dinner and danced the dances they learned in class: the Fox Trot, Cha Cha, Waltz, Swing and Merengue. They are associated with the National League of Junior Cotillions.
Jill Justice played the harp during dinner. Centerpieces were white roses and lilies.
There were 75 students in the class, including 10 seniors. Five of the seniors have been with the group for five plus years: They are: Will Hooten, Casady, 8 years; Sky Roberts, Casady, 6 years; Sam Louthan, Deer Creek, 6 years; Megan Wilson, Bishop McGuinness, 5 years, and Andrew Roberts, Casady, 5 years.
Hostess shares Italian recipes with her friends
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Amanda Oblander, July Stanley, Dahlia Vance, Tracy Hibbs, Susan Keeton, Annie Chermack, Mary Gilliland, Kay Bluethman check out the dinner wines. (Photo provided).
Kay Bluethman held a one -day Italian cooking class for her friends. She took a class in Rome, Italy, two years ago, and her friends aked her to share her lessons with them.
Her teacher was featured on the Food Network.
Bluethman chose Sage Corn Bruschetta with Prosciutto, Chicken Pesto Bruschetta, Scaloppini di Pollo, and Limoncello Berries on Gelato to teach the class and then they ate the results for dinner. Italian wine was served.
Between the main course and dessert, the group watched “Julie and Julia.”
French Heels Club members in Oklahoma City plan to reorganize the former club
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Tamara Hermen, Carleen Burger, Brooke Cohn, Sherry Sullivan, Millonn Lilly get set to re-organize the French Heels Club.(Photo by David Faytinger).
Carleen Burger had a reception at Kyle’s 1025 Restaurant to organize a committee to revive the French Heels Club, a single women’s social group that was active for years in Oklahoma City.
The group talked about alumni and prospective members and planned an April meeting. New members will be selected by invitation and will be women out of college or 21 years old.
On the committee are: Carleen Burger (contact person for former members of the club), Sherry Sullivan, Brooke Cohn, Millonn Lilly, Tamara Hermen.
What shall we name the baby? 20-40-60 answers
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Parties Extra!….20-40-60 Question….From a dedicated NewsOk reader.
YOU ASK…WE ANSWER…YOU DECIDE
Question: Our baby is due in the summer months. We have been thinking about names for the baby. What is the protocol for the first born, second born and so on? Should we name the baby with a family name? Or should we just name our baby the best name that we can think of that goes with our last name? Thanks for all your thoughts! Keep up the good work!
Callie’s Answer: Not my department, but that is a tough decision.
Family names are always respectful, and very genuine. Also, choosing a name that will also be passed down from generations is exciting. It is what you and your spouse want to choose for the baby. Choosing a family name might be easier knowing that it already goes with your last name, or have your chosen name and give the family name as the middle name.
Bottom line: it is your decision and your baby.
Lillie-Beth’s Answer: In my opinion, naming a baby is up to the parents. Period. They’re the ones who have to set the tone for the baby’s life that they created (it starts with the name), and they’re the only ones who have to be OK with what the baby is named, at least until the baby is old enough to weigh in.
It’s fun to search the family tree for family names that span generations, and if there are some that stick, then go for it. Family names connect children to their roots, and parents shouldn’t overlook that significance. They’re a good way to honor or remember someone special, too, and using those names is a tradition that dates way back.
However, in the end, it’s up to Mom and Dad to name a child how they see fit. I don’t know of any etiquette requirement in this century for a child to have a family name. The child will grow into the name, and whatever the name is, perhaps someday, their descendants will look up the family tree and use that name for their little one, too.
Helen’s Answer: Your baby will carry his/her name with for the rest of his/her life, so you want to pick the best name possible. Family history certainly plays a role, as do the parents’ aspirations for their child. Some prefer names that can be shortened easily, or turned into nicknames. Others prefer a refined, traditional name.
Personally, I love family names! There are some great ones and there are some terrible ones. I don’t think my grandmother’s name, Ada Pearl, would fit any of my children, but the old-fashioned names have made a comeback. It is really personal choice on this one, and it is a great idea not to tell the name too soon, as it seems like EVERYONE has an opinion about what YOU should name your child.
On further thought: Here’s what I think my children should name any future granddaughters — “Helen.”
(Callie Gordon, a college sophomore, was a 2009 debutante and has been in many new social situations recently. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.)
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog. Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
helen.wallace@cox.net…lbrinkman@opubco.com… calliezok3@aol.com
