20-40-60 Etiquette-Should I tell them again and again?
Got an etiquette question? Email helen.wallace@cox.net!
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman and Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: Is there a special way to teach such manners as no elbows on the table, napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed? I have tried to tell my children the basic rules, and I find myself repeating them over and over, and they continue to break these particular ones. What should I do?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I have no clue. No TV for the night? No friends over for a week? This isn’t my department. Sorry.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: For starters, you can find someone else, like a friend or a teacher, to reinforce the same manners, so your children know that these rules don’t just come from you.
Also, at our house, I made up a fun game to do this, since I was tired of having similar issues over and over. We’ve been less than consistent in playing this, but it works well as a manners refresher. Here is the gist of it: We have made a written list of a handful of manners that we’re working on (napkin goes in lap, no talking with your mouth full, and no elbows on the table). We’ve designated a cup for each of us, including me, and all four are stored in the kitchen.
For every manners “violation” a person commits during dinner, that person has to put a quarter in his or her cup. At the end of the week we count the quarters, and the person with the fewest gets to keep the money from all four cups. The contest then starts over. My daughter won Round 1. Now I have to figure out a way to stop the arguing over how many quarters one owes and the “gotcha” attitude displayed when one of us is caught in the act, but it has been a fun way for us to pay attention to manners, including mine.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Strict table manners are essential in today’s world. Potential employers are very aware when they are hiring new employees. They want people who make a good impression at the table.
Other people do not want to be around those who display bad manners, and children need to be aware of this fact.
During a recent dinner sponsored by Junior Cotillion advisers Carey Sue and Ricardo Vega, Carey Sue gave instructions at the table including how to pass the salt and pepper, which fork to use and also how to appreciate the flower arrangement and to notice how nice the table looked. She stressed the importance of patience in waiting for a meal to be served and gave pointers on how to make table conversation, particularly with people the students did not know very well.
I think it is very important that parents and/or others create an environment for children to learn how to act at the dinner table and then to adhere to these manners themselves. Coach your children beginning at a young age that manners are important. And yes, sometimes, you must repeat them over and over. There will be a time when they understand and will be able to apply what you have taught them. Keep up the good work!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Bebe MacKellar, local community leader and volunteer: The most important thing in teaching manners is consistency. Although you might get sick of correcting your children, it is important that they learn the proper etiquette for dining.
I also think it is important that children are taught by example. Once children know the rules, they are quick to point out adults who break them. I would make sure that you and any other people who eat regularly with your children exhibit the proper etiquette.
You probably will have to stay on your kids for years. I know my mom still corrects us when we need it. Stick with it, and I know they will thank you someday, as there is nothing more appalling than an adult with bad table manners.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
No comments yet.
Leave a comment