20-40-60 Etiquette: Gift of friendship is enough!
To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: My mom does this with food! But I haven’t seen her offer old gift cards.
That is awkward. Don’t take offense to it, though. I am sure she is trying to be nice. Tell her you would be happy to donate the gifts for her. Hopefully she will realize she doesn’t need to pawn them off to you.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Your friend apparently cares deeply for you and wants to show it.
You have handled it in a nice way by trying to refuse them and also by offering thanks. You could protest the gift card by telling her you’d love for her to spend that money on herself since she’s always doing nice things for others. Another idea would be to reassure her that you’re visiting her because you consider her a dear friend and not because of any gifts.
But you also don’t want to hurt her feelings if she enjoys making the effort with gifts. Smile, say “thank you” and enjoy your friendship.
HELEN’S ANSWER: You have been doing fine in the way you are handling the gift-giving. Your friend seems to need to offer you a gift as a thank-you for visiting her home. If you want it, fine, and if you do not, say no thanks.
She apparently does not need the gift cards, so you might suggest that she offer them to her favorite charity so they could go to someone who does need them.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, licensed clinical social worker and etiquette class teacher at Oklahoma Christian University: Some people’s “love language” (the way they show they care) is by giving, and more specifically, by giving gifts. In some cultures, gift-giving is a way of life. It might feel strange to you to receive gifts that you don’t need or want, but the point here is, your friend wants to give them to you.
She is showing you that she cares for you. Take the gifts and be thankful for them. Even if you don’t like the gift, appreciate that she is thinking of you. It is always fine to give the gift to someone else who might appreciate it, or to give it a charity if it isn’t something that you want to keep.
If you get the impression that your friend thinks you are hurting financially, it is always appropriate to bring up the subject and communicate with her that you are financially secure. We sometimes do not know what our friends are thinking, and we won’t find out unless we ask.
Coming up: The Wish Luncheon
Kandy Hadley, Ericka Williams and Reece Williams talk about Make-A-Wish activities on Parties Extra!
OU’s College of Medicine’s Evening of Excellence was excellent!
Joseph Ferretti, Ph.D., and Christina Nihira enjoy the cocktail party prior to the dinner. (Photos by Helen Ford Wallace).
The “Evening of Excellence” benefit dinner for The University of Oklahoma College of Medicine Research Fund was a huge success because the honorees were so special. They were Martha Ferretti and Joseph Ferretti and Terrence L. Stull. Joseph Ferretti, Ph. D., had been the OU Health Sciences Center Provost for 16 years. His wife, Martha Ferretti, T.P., M.P.H., is the chairman of the Department of Rehabilitation Sciences in the College of Allied Health.
Dr. Stull is Chairman of the Department of Pediatrics. All hold endowed chairs at the Health Sciences Center and all are held in high esteem by their colleagues and friends.
Dinner chairman was Christina Nihira and on her committee were Dr. Don Garrett, Teresa Rose, Dr. Sherri Baker and Dr. M. Dewayne Andrews. Kristen Brown was vice chairman.
Gorgeous roses and hydrangeas decorated the tables and the stage. Introducing the honorees were Gene Rainbolt and Christy Everest.
Among the past honorees at the dinner were Jim Tolbert, Christy and Jim Everest, Gene Rainbolt, Jane Harlow, Jose Freede, Carl Edwards, Polly and Larry Nichols, Bob Ellis and Gary Strebel.
Also at the event were Judy and Don Garrett, Julie and Bob Weedn, Jeary and Mike Seikel, Meg Salyer, Lea Ann and David Quirk, Ann-Shannon and Dave Hail, Rhonda Flores-Stone, Kate Stanton, Barry Feuerborn, Nanette and Nick Hathaway, Stacey Maxon, Nancy and Bob Ellis, Sherry and Gary Strebel, Martha Williams, Joan Gilmore and Vicki and Leland Gourley.
At the event were: David Quirk, LeaAnn Quirk, Ann-Shannon Hail, Dave Hail, Rhonda Flores-Stone, front; and Kate Stanton, Barry Feuerborn, Nanette Hathaway, Nick Hathaway, back.
Joan Gilmore, Rex Urice, Vicki and Leland Gourley, back, and Jose Freede, seated, enjoy the party.
Gene Rainbolt introduces the honorees.
Joseph and Martha Ferretti, Joan Gilmore and Terrence Stull pose for pictures.
Meg Salyer talks with Leland and Vicki Gourley. Leland was celebrating his birthday.
Kathy Walker is 2012 Oklahoma Mother of the Year and Carrie Leonard is 2012 Young Mother of the Year
Connell Branan, National President of American Mothers Inc., welcomes Carrie Leonard and Shelly Soliz to her home. Leonard is the 2012 Young Mother of the Year. Soliz is president of the American Mothers of Oklahoma. (Photo by David Faytinger).
Cliff Branan, Kathy Walker and Stewart Meyers talk at the party. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Connell Branan, American Mothers Inc., national president, was hostess for a party honoring Oklahoma’s 2012 Mother of the Year, Kathy Walker, and Oklahoma’s 2012 Young Mother of the Year, Carrie Leonard.
Also honored were Mothers of Achievement Connie Fox, Connie Jones and Mautra Jones.
At the party were Russ Walker, Cliff Branan, Marilyn Meade, Susan Dobson, Lela and Mark Sullivan, Miki and Jim Farris, Barbara and Ralph Thompson, Ryan Leonard, Irene Castilow, Shelly Soliz, Dorothy Hammert, Sandy and Stewart Meyers, Nancy and Tim Leonard, Polly Nichols, Carol Troy, Karen Browne, Cynda Ottaway, Katherine Buxton, Coe London, Jody and John Gooden, Stacy Kline, Pam Kanaly, Marilyn and Leonard Sullivan.
Lela Sullivan, Russ Walker and Shelly Soliz enjoy the event. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Kathy Walker and her mother, Rosemary Scalpone, were at the party. Kathy is Oklahoma Mother of the Year. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
20-40-60 Etiquette—Would you move that grocery cart…please
To ask the 20-40-60 team an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
By Callie Gordon, Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Helen Ford Wallace
QUESTION: I do the grocery shopping for my family. My concern is how best to deal with the people who clog the aisles. Most grocery stores have aisles wide enough for two shopping carts to pass as long as each person pulls his or her cart over to the side.
It is very common for people to stop to look at an item and leave the cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking anyone else from passing down that aisle. My nice guess is that they are simply not paying attention to anything other than what they’re looking for. My guess is that they are unaware that other people ALSO shop in the grocery store, and that they are so overwhelmingly important that any of the rest of us who happen to be in the store should be glad to step aside.
Well, I have managed to not say anything mean to them … yet.
What is the proper way for me to proceed?
1. Simply go around, using the next aisle, and then work my way back to the spot I wanted.
2. Say “pardon me, I would like to get to the coffee over there.”
3. Say “hard as it is to imagine, there are other people in the grocery store who want to use this aisle.”
4. Stand there and stare (glare) at them until they emerge from their reveries and get moving again.
5. Ask them to move their cart to the side.
6. Or something else.
So far, I just try to ignore it and go to another aisle and come back later and hope I don’t run into them again.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: While I see how this can be frustrating, give people the benefit of the doubt. It can be as simple as a smile and “excuse me.” We all have come in contact with tacky people. In this case, simply move out of their way.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Wow! You’ve put a lot of thought and energy into this. I think the easiest thing to do is to excuse yourself and ask them nicely to move. That should snap anyone out of their reverie. It takes less energy on my part to assume that people are concentrating as hard on getting the right ingredients at the best price instead of deliberately and thoughtlessly pushing others aside.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Navigating the grocery takes a lot of patience. Fortunately, some grocery stores have wide aisles and you can get around these people, but, probably your best response is #2. It moves them out of the way of the item you are trying to get.
The people who leave the cart in the middle of the aisle in our grocery stores are everywhere. They irritate me, too. However, I have done it before when I was not thinking. You might suggest to the grocery store personnel that they put up a sign saying, “Slow carts on the right; do not park in the middle of the aisles; and be aware of other people in the store who are also trying to shop.”
GUEST’S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, local community volunteer and newspaper writer: The weekly grocery trip is often an onus. Unfortunately, we all need to eat.
Crowded store aisles tend to inflame an already adverse situation. There are some rules of the road. Cart etiquette is akin to driving a car. Caution and care are necessities to avoid those head-on collisions. When pushing down the aisles, stay to the middle and center. When you want an item, pull to the right and park the cart.
More importantly, however, is common courtesy. Although you may think manners come naturally, not everyone takes the time to practice them, especially when they are harried. Set yourself apart and use “please,” “thank you” and “pardon me.” Nice manners and a smile speak volumes about you.
Another option is altering the time you visit the store. Perhaps going during early morning or off-peak hours will help reduce congestion.
For some enjoyment and practical information, check out Carol Redinger’s “A Book of Grocery Store Etiquette: A Guide for the Consumer Based on Over 30 years of Observations and Aggravations.” The author has worked in the grocery industry in various positions and writes a fun, informative guide about how to best navigate through your shopping experience.
Happy shopping!
Maureen Heffernan discusses the Myriad Botanical Gardens on Parties Extra!
Click here for Parties Extra!’s newest photo gallery
Maureen Heffernan talks about the Myriad Botanical Gardens on Parties Extra!
YWCA committee members start work for Capital Campaign
Sandy Pantlik, Kathy Walker, Tricia Everest were at the event in the home of Lela Sullivan. (Photo by David Faytinger).
The YWCA Capital Campaign marketing committee members met in the home of Lela Sullivan. The campaign will officially kick off in the spring and several committees will work to raise money for a new shelter for battered women and children, to re-purpose the existing shelter, renovate the McFarland Facility and establish an endowment to support the facilities.
Lots of candy and Sprinkles Cupcakes are featured at party
The table at the Nelson home was filled with candy and Sprinkles Cupcakes. (Photos by Helen Ford Wallace).
Lynda Nelson was hostess for a party to honor Candace, Charles, Charlie, 4 ½, and Harry, 1, Nelson from Beverly Hills, Calif., who were in town visiting. It was Harry’s first trip to Oklahoma City to visit grandparents, Lynda and Chuck Nelson. Candace and Charles are founders of Sprinkles Cupcakes, the world’s first cupcake bakery, in Calif. and she is one of the judges of “Cupcake Wars,” Food Network’s reality-based cupcake competition show.
The invitation with a colorful lollipop on it stated in part: “Harry has his first year ‘Licked’ and he’s here visiting from Beverly Hills.”
Candy and cookies were everywhere. Garlands of peppermint candies, ribbons and greenery decorated the front door and the stairway inside. Bowls of tasty ribbon candies, peppermints, red hots, candy- coated pretzels, jelly beans, suckers, colorful bubble gum and of course, the very excellent Sprinkles Cupcakes filled the dining room table.
Among the guests were Fanny, Bolen, Bebe MacKellar, Karen Browne, Libby and Bobby Nelson, Betsy Thorpe, Lisa Banks, Bette MacKellar, Marilyn Balyeat, Patty Cohenour, Caroline Cohenour, Martha Bradshaw, SoRelle Fitzgerald, Toni Moses, Bolen MacKellar, Kay Brown, Ruth Gorkuscha, Charlotte Nelson, Robert Nelson, Rachel Bolen, Patricia Franklin, Gayle Ann Roberts, Leslie Samara, Judy Lehmbeck, Gene Barth, Sarah Geiger, Kathy Brown, Angela Payne Reynolds, Charlotte Gibbens and Christine Browne.
The Nelson family.
Caroline Cohenour and Patty Cohenour were at the party.
Oklahoma City Heart Ball set for Feb. 25th
Barb Grimes, Terri Bailey and Nellie Kelly talk about the Heart Ball and the American Heart Association on Parties Extra!
20-40-60 Etiquette….Aw…the soup spoon!
We would love to hear from you. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.
QUESTION: There is confusion about “soup spoon etiquette.” It seems most people think the spoon always rests in the plate, especially after finishing. But others think if soup is served in a soup plate (rimmed wide, shallow bowl) that the spoon goes in it, not in the flat plate below the soup plate. What is a person to do?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: From what I was taught, you should never put it in the bowl. When you are finished, put the spoon on the plate under the bowl. Look around and see what others at the table are doing.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I was always taught to take the spoon out of the bowl and leave it on the saucer or plate underneath it, that it was wrong to keep a spoon, standing upright, in any bowl. Upon thinking about this question more, I have realized I do that most of the time; however, if the bowl is shallow and wide-rimmed, I am in the habit of leaving the spoon in the bowl, to the side, almost like I would if it were a plate.
The etiquette gurus tending to Emily Post’s famous guide these days agree, as do others. If the bowl is shallow, leave the spoon in the bowl, says emilypost.com. If the bowl is deep or the soup is in a cup, take the spoon out and place it on the saucer.
If you are still wondering, and the soup bowl comes served on top of another plate, then I think you will be fine if you take the spoon out and put it on the plate underneath when you are through with it.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Usually a bowl of soup is served on plate or saucer. When that is provided, always put your spoon on that plate. Never leave it in the bowl or the cup. That applies to when you are finished and if you stop periodically eating the soup. If there is not a plate, then, obviously your spoon goes in the soup bowl.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Kate Stanton, etiquette consultant and executive director, University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center Student Affairs: In talking with one of my favorite ladies of treasured opinion, we both believe when soup is served in a small soup bowl, you rest the spoon on the plate beneath it between bites or when finished.
When you use a soup plate, though, you put the spoon on (or in) in the soup plate. A soup plate is normally large enough that you really don’t have much room to put it on the plate beneath. In checking a few etiquette books, the thoughts on this matter are all over the board. Happy winter and happy soup!
