20-40-60 Etiquette—Treat everyone the same?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION: I work in a corporate environment and on my floor are several men and women with high corporate standing as in the president and vice president of the company.There are also others around me who just started working here and I don’t know them very well.
Is it good manners to treat the company executives with more respect and courtesy and friendliness, particularly since I have been here for 10 years and know them all very well, or should I treat everyone the same?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Do what you feel comfortable doing. Do not overstep your boundaries with the higher standings you have known longer. Get to know the new ones though, just because you have been there longer doesn’t mean that you can’t make new friends at work.
Be nice to everyone. You never know who they might know.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Interesting question. My short answer would be that it’s important to treat everyone with respect, from the part-time employee who just started with the company on up to the president.
After all, each employee contributes for better or worse to the office atmosphere, and respect at all levels fosters a sense of camaraderie and collaboration that’s important to get work done. But since you know the higher-level executives better, for now, your dealings with them will automatically be more familiar and less formal. In time, you’ll probably get to know the new employees like that, too. So defer to the senior officers when you need to and include the lower-level employees when you can. Start by doing the best you can in the job you’re assigned to do and let the relationships take care of themselves.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is important that you show respect, courtesy and friendliness to everyone, regardless of position. You never know which co-worker might be your boss some day.
It is normal to have friendlier conversations with people you have known longer, so don’t worry about that, and if you are friends with them outside of the company, you just know them better than someone you just met.
Use common sense in this and make sure that you enjoy all of the people you are around.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Yvette Walker, Night News Director, The Oklahoman: You don’t mention whether you are a manager or an employee, and that may make a difference.
But you DO mention something very important. You know the company executives very well, and you don’t know the new employees. It’s important to be honest and genuine in all your dealings, and it’s natural that you might act more friendly to people you know, no matter their standing.
Saying hello to an executive you’ve known for 10 years isn’t the same as playing up to them. You don’t know the new people, however, it’s important to be pleasant and friendly (not overly so) to new employees in your company. It will help make their transition easier, and allow them to work at their highest level.
That should be a goal for anyone, employee, manager or executive.
Callie Gordon, a college junior, was an Oklahoma City 2009 debutante. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Guest is Yvette Walker, The Oklahoman’s Night News Editor.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog.
Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
E-mail us! helen.wallace@cox.net …lbrinkman@opubco.com…calliezok3@aol.com
Parties Extra! Tree planting at Oklahoma State University
Blake Parks, Brittney Melton, Ann Hargis, Burns Hargis and Steve Dobbs get into digging a hole for a new tree for the Oklahoma State University campus. (Photo provided).
ECO-OSU, along with the Tree Leadership Board faculty and staff members, launched the new Tree Campus USA Program in Stillwater at an OSU Arbor Day Celebration March 25th at Theta Pond. Ann Hargis invited students and faculty for a public presentation to support the goal to become Tree Campus USA certified.
ECO-OSU is the environmental awareness organization of the Oklahoma State Unversity campus and members host Earth Fest every spring.
Parties Extra!—Oklahoma Senior Follies set for June 11 and 12 in Oklahoma City
The Oklahoma Senior Follies is a reality!
Bobbie Burbridge Lane, Burbridge Foundation Board Chairman and lifelong civic volunteer, brought her experiences with the Spectacular Senior Follies in Dallas to Oklahoma City and the music-filled show will open June 11 and 12 at Oklahoma City University’s Kirkpatrick Auditorium.
Our Follies will star senior talents of television, radio, screen and stage and will be directed by OCU’s Director of Opera and Musical Theater, David Heredeen, Ph.D. Consultant is Mark Carroll, the Dallas Director.
Tickets go on sale April 18th. It is a project of Oklahoma City University and the Burbridge Foundation.
“As a long-time advocate for the senior population, I’ve been searching for something that would help revitalize our senior citizens. A few years ago, I was asked to sing in Dallas’ Spectacular Senior Follies and was overwhelmed by what it did for the Dallas senior community. At that moment, I knew we needed to bring something like that to Oklahoma,” Lane said.
“It is my hope, that after seeing the follies, older Oklahomans will be inspired to dust off their talents, whether they be performing, volunteering or using another wonderful skill. This will raise the quality of life for our seniors as well as bring a lot more joy into their lives,” she added.
The Oklahoma Senior Follies will raise funds and public awareness for Mobile Meals of Oklahoma County.
Tickets are $25. and can be purchased in person at the OCU ticket office or by calling 405-208-5227. Tickets can be ordered online at www.okcu.edu/ticketoffice.
Our own Bobbie Burbridge Lane during a performance of the Spectacular Senior Follies in Dallas. (Photo provided).
Parties Extra!—Coming up….Redbud Classic in Oklahoma City
Patty Anthony, Race Director for the Redbud Classic, and Lillie-Beth Brinkman, The Oklahoman’s assistant features editor, talk on Parties Extra!
20-40-60 Etiquette—Hurt feelings all around!
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION: Nine years ago we lost our 5 month old to SIDS and every year on his birthday we take our 3 children to the cemetery to let balloons go in his honor and then we go out to dinner with my husband’s family to be together.
This ritual has included my mother and father- in- law every year and sometimes my husband’s sister has joined us. The last couple of years my husband’s sister has joined us with her new husband and child who’s now 2. We have always asked my husband’s parents to join us but his mother is the one that usually invites my sister- in -law.
Although this a special celebration for our family, sometimes my husband and I feel like we just want his parents to come and not his sister and her family.
Last week my mother- in- law asked me what night we wanted to get together so she could let the sister know. I told her this year we would just like it if they (my husband’s parents) joined us. Now it’s turned into a big deal because my mother- in- law says we are excluding my sister- in -law and she doesn’t want her feelings to be hurt and she would rather not join us if the sister isn’t invited.
My husband and I just want to focus the night on celebrating our son and when my husband’s sister’s family joins us it seems the focus is forgotten.
What should we do? Our tradition has always included my in-laws and we want just them to come…. It really makes us sad that this night is about our family and it seems that my mother –in- law is choosing the sister’s feelings over her son’s feelings. Please help…..hurt..
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I have no idea. I can see both sides. I know that it is supposed to be about celebrating your son, but maybe it would be best to start a new tradition. A dinner with you and your husband, then another dinner with the rest of the family on a different night.
Another idea is ask the sister if she could leave her child with a babysitter, maybe phrase it ‘just adults.’
This is a tough situation… lots of feelings that need to be taken into account.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: First of all, I am so sorry for your loss nine years ago. What a special way to remember your son and to involve your other children in the memory. I’m also sorry that your celebration of his life is turning into more grief — the stress of trying to accommodate all your family members.
First of all, how does your husband truly feel about this? Does he mind his sister and family tagging along, including their toddler? He might be able to help diffuse this situation by talking to his mother. Perhaps your mother-in-law wants to make sure her other grandchild grows up feeling like a part of the family and knowing about the son you lost. Have you asked her why she has insisted only recently in including her other daughter? That might give you a clue how to proceed.
Maybe you could have two celebrations of your son’s life — one at the gravesite with the balloons for just your husband and your children, and then dinner out for everyone else afterwards. It’s hard to change a long-time tradition without hurt feelings, especially when it appears to mean so much to everyone affected, but if you understood where everyone was coming from, there might be ways to make everyone feel included in this part of your life as well as in the remembered life of the little one you lost.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Bless your heart! What a sweet remembrance for your son. The balloons add something that other children will remember forever. Sorry that the dinner has turned out to be not so good. Once you start a tradition, it is hard to change it. I think that the only thing you can do is 1. Politely tell your mother-in-law that you all will have your remembrance with just the immediate family from now on. 2. Continue with all the relatives. 3. Just have the small gathering at the cemetery and don’t go to dinner.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Carla Hinton, Religion Editor: The time to keep your sister-in-law and her family from participating in this tradition, without hurting their feelings, has passed.
When your mother-in-law first suggested that other members of the family be invited, that was the time to gently tell her that you wished to make it a small, more intimate affair and did not necessarily want to add others. I think if you share your wishes with your mother-in-law at this point, she may be offended and if she is not, your sister-in-law will likely be offended. If you feel strongly about it, you may give it a try. Be honest and tell your mother-in-law exactly how you feel. Tell her that you know this is awkward for everyone and you hate putting people in an uncomfortable position but you really want to keep the tradition more intimate.
Hopefully, she will understand and help relay your wishes to your sister-in-law so that her feelings aren’t too hurt. If not, you and your husband may have to commemorate your son’s birthday with just yourselves and your children. All in all, that really sounds like a wonderful family affair in and of itself.
Callie Gordon, a college junior, was an Oklahoma City 2009 debutante. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Guest is Carla Hinton, Religion Editor.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog.
Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
E-mail us! helen.wallace@cox.net …lbrinkman@opubco.com…calliezok3@aol.com
Parties Extra! —Sunshine celebrates birthday in Oklahoma City
Table decorations at Sunshine Myer’s birthday party were framed family photos. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Sunshine Myers was honored at a birthday luncheon at the Oklahoma City Golf and Country. The invitation stated that she was celebrating “29” for the 61st time.
Daughters Sherry Sullivan, Gaye Sherman and Laura Sullivan were hostesses.
Hot pink Gerber daisies, pink roses, white hydrangeas and white daisies with green stock were the flower bouquets on the table and the cake featured a chocolate and a white layer. It was decorated with fondant icing with pink flowers and green stripes. Also on the table were framed photos of the honoree. Pink napkins said, “You are our Sunshine!”
Among the guests were Louise Bennett, Marty McCharen, Lauren Wendt, Christy Wendt, Lillie-Beth and Ella Brinkman, Betsy Morgan, Charlene Barbour, Sandy Ellis, Chelle Sanger, Marjorie Polk and Lisa Blair.
Lou Ann Rice played the piano.
Gaye Sherman welcomes guests. Lou Ann Rice played the piano during lunch. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Sherry Sullivan, Laura Sullivan, Gaye Sherman, back, and Sunshine Myers, front, enjoy the party. (Photo by David Faytinger).
Oklahoma City Junior League sponsors “Kids in the Kitchen!
Rachel Bell, Ashlyn Pratt, Liza Cryder, Nazette Zuhdi, Michelle Wynn, Jamie Maddy cook with the “Kids in the Kitchen.” (Photo by David Faytinger).
Junior League members had the annual “Kids In the Kitchen” event at the Boys and Girls Club of Oklahoma City.
Chef Ryan Parrott gave cooking demonstrations about healthy snacks. The 300 children spent time at one of five cooking stations and each group spent time at a cooking station learning about ingredients, making the recipe and eating it. They also had a discussion about what made the snacks healthy.
The cooking stations were themed “Delicious Dairy,” “Great Grains,” “Very Veggie,” “Power Proteins” and “a Spoonful of Sugar.”
There were aprons, chef’s hats, measuring cups and recipes for the participating children.
Parties Extra!—2011 Mother of the Year and 2011 Young Mother of the year are introduced
Miki Farris, 2011 Oklahoma Mother of the Year; Jennifer King, 2011 Young Mother of the Year, and Shelli Soliz, 2009 Young Mother of the Year, talk on Parties Extra! They were selected by members of the Oklahoma Chapter of The American Mothers Inc.
20-40-60 Etiquette—How do we politely tell our co-worker “no”?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION: We bought a new refrigerator for our office. There are five of us who work here. Four of us chipped in money to pay for the refrigerator, and we take turns bringing paper cups and plates for when they are needed for our lunches.
One person declined to chip in. But when the refrigerator arrived, he started using the refrigerator to keep drinks cold and for lunches. He even started using the paper cups and plates.
So, my question is this, how do we politely tell him that the refrigerator is for those who paid for it and the cups and plates are for those who take turns bringing them?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: HA! Office drama? This guy sounds like a moocher, and a jerk, although, maybe he doesn’t realize he is in the wrong. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him that everyone in the office bought the items together and he still owes X for it. Don’t give him a chance to say no.
Don’t be aggressive with him or you’re really going to get some office drama!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I can’t imagine how he’s justifying that move in his mind — declining to chip in when it comes to buying the refrigerator but then using it when it comes, knowing that everybody else paid.
He’s got some gall, but then again, telling him off with all the intensity and anger that normal people would feel would be counterproductive to office harmony.
I think the only action here is to be up front, politely, and tell him that he owes money for the refrigerator, the cups and plates if he wants to use any of them. Be clear about how much he owes. Then, if he keeps using them, you either have to designate a person to keep the paper dishware under lock and key, or confront him as an entire group and ask him what his problem is. This type of dilemma leaves me pondering the nerve of some people to ignore etiquette, decency and common sense and act selfishly anyway.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Post the rules of the refrigerator and the paper cups and plates on the refrigerator door. Put names of who is responsible for what week. Politely ask the offender if he wants to be included on the list and at that time remind him that all of you chipped in to buy the refrigerator and made plans for buying paper cups and plates. Ask when what he wants to do. He will have to answer when you ask him directly and he will have to think if he intends to help provide paper cups and plates. If he doesn’t want to help, the posted rules will help remind him.
He may have unknown reasons for his behavior or he just didn’t think it through.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and she teaches Etiquette Classes at Oklahoma Christian University: You say it with a smile on your face and with a light and airy tone!
Life isn’t fair. But it is unhealthy to resent his behavior and it isn’t healthy to let folks infringe upon your boundaries either. The boundaries are clear to me in this situation, but apparently they are not clear to your male co-worker. So the boundaries just need to be set and clearly communicated.
If everyone goes to him with an angry attitude, you will damage your working relationship, you might create some anger in him, you will certainly be ganging up on him. I would have ONE PERSON approach him kindly. I would encourage you to look at him in the eye and state clearly what you want to communicate to him. I would also have something else work related to talk to him about as well. You want to ACT like this is just an every day occurrence that needs to be communicated about. If you are frustrated or angry, I would keep those in check.
You never know what his situation is. ..You don’t know if he is really strapped financially… If his wife has mental health problems and is running up the credit cards, or if he has three children he is supporting on child custody payments. He might be justifying his behavior, or he might not even be aware he is offending you.
His behavior isn’t appropriate, but if you do not say anything to him, yours isn’t either. Verbal, personal and kind communication is the best in this situation. Certainly, I wouldn’t suggest you just laying this article on his desk after it is published! That is a cop -out. The conversation will most likely be easier than you ever imagined and will open up communication to serve all your co-workers and apply some feelings of camaraderie and team building.
Callie Gordon, a college junior, was an Oklahoma City 2009 debutante. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Guest is Devonne Carter, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and she teaches Etiquette Classes at Oklahoma Christian University
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog.
Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
E-mail us! helen.wallace@cox.net …lbrinkman@opubco.com…calliezok3@aol.com
Parties Extra! New party makeup for spring!
Jennifer Gordon of Balliet’s shows new party makeup styles for spring. Kylie Lisle models the new colors for us on Parties Extra!
