Oklahoma City Casady School’s Leadership Circle members host wine tasting and art show
Larry and Polly Nichols, Eric Fisher, Carey Joullian were at the party. (Photos by David Faytinger).
Members of Casady School’s Leadership Circle were hosts for a wine tasting and art show in the home of Sue Ann and Harold Hamm. 200 guests were at the party.
Guests, donors to the annual fund and major supporters of the School, enjoyed a tasting of five Joullian wines hosted by Winemaker and General Manager of Joullian Vineyards, Ridge Watson.
Shelly Lewis Stanfield brought her paintings for exhibit and sale. Partial proceeds from the sale of 19 of her paintings went to the School.
Ramsey Drake, Shirley and Pete Everest came to the wine tasting and art show.
Kathy Brown, Nancy Ellis, Pam Shdeed, Hal Brown enjoyed the event.
Jane Jayroe talks about her new book on Parties Extra!
Jane Jayroe talks about her new book “Devote 40 Days.”
20-40-60 Etiquette : Gifts for adult grandchildren?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION; I would appreciate your thoughts on grandparents gift giving responsibilities to adult grandchildren on special occasions. These same grandchildren do not acknowledge their grandparent’s birthdays or other special occasions with even a call, card or e-mail. Thanks.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: WOAH! As a grandparent. isn’t it about the joy of giving and seeing your grandchildren? As for no phone call, or cards sent, that would be YOUR child’s bad. Their parents should know to teach their children to call or send a card. Something went wrong down the line of communication. It is all about being with the ones you love really and should not matter if the gifts were reciprocated!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: How sad! The grandchildren are missing one of the foundations to good etiquette — thanking someone for a gift. While a thank-you note is proper, offering any kind of thanks is a must, even if all they do is call you or e-mail you to let you know they appreciate the gift.
So while you can’t force a proper thank-you, it’s up to you how you handle it from here. You could call and ask if they received their gift; since you hadn’t heard from them, they might not have gotten it. Or you could call their parents — your children — and see if they got the gift, noting you hadn’t heard from them. The grandchildren will then have to face their parents for that etiquette breach.
Or, you could stop sending them gifts all together.
It’s up to you. I don’t think most of us give gifts with the intention of getting a thank-you note. We give gifts because we care about the person we’re giving them to. If it has become too frustrating to you to give these gifts in silence, then consider whether it’s worth your time, money or emotional well-being. Or, realize that you’re giving gifts because you love and care for your grandchildren and accept their lack of response.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It would never have occurred to me not to acknowledge my grandparents at special holidays, but, I do know that with so many people in the work force these days that those niceties (ones my age group took for granted) could fall by the way side. People get busy. I think the reader should still continue to send either e-mail or printed cards to these adult grandchildren because you never know when these gestures might be very comforting or mean something to them.
The parents of these grandchildren may not be aware, so if you decide to stop giving gifts and send only cards, you might tell them what you are doing and why.
Let us know what you decide to do. I think there are other people out there faced with this dilemma.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Kate Stanton, Executive Director, Health Sciences Center Student Affairs, The University of Oklahoma, and etiquette consultant: While all of my grandparents celebrate me from their clouds in the sky, during their days on earth we never missed a chance to celebrate those that gave my parents life. However, such was our family celebration code.
As the wiser more mature folks in your family, I would suggest forget the materialist items and go for words. Words of encouragement, advice, hints to live by, and something to hold onto after you’ve claimed your own cloud.
Just because these young adults are choosing not to recognize their grandparents – which they will regret – doesn’t excuse you from being less than. Send a card. Include a great story about their parents, a hope you have for them, and remind them of your love. With today’s overuse of e-mail, the US Post Office needs you to use a stamp as well on that scrapbook worthy card for your beloved third generation.
Callie Gordon, a college junior, was an Oklahoma City 2009 debutante. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Guest is Kate Stanton, Executive Director, Health Sciences Center Student Affairs, The University of Oklahoma, and etiquette consultant.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog.
Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
E-mail us! helen.wallace@cox.net …lbrinkman@opubco.com…calliezok3@aol.com
Oklahoma City party has pirate’s theme
Pirate’s decorations were inside and outside the Meredith home. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Pirate’s party: Samonia Meredith, Mary Ellen Meredith and Dennis Byford were hosts for their annual Pirate’s Party in the Meredith home. Costumes were encouraged and many of the guests obliged. The Rum Fellows Band of Norman played.
Yo ho ho: Doubloons were part of the decorations as well as pirate’s flags with white skull and crossbones.
Lads/lassies/old salts: Carleen and Jerry Burger, Judy and Bill Phillips, Franci Hart, Sandy and Jon Trudgeon, Ann Hanna and John Dudley, Louise Painter, Lydia Sullivan, Lee-Ann Graham, Sherry Sullivan and Blue Carter, Howard Berry jr., Lou Kerr, Allen Brown, Barbara and John Nichols, Gena Timberman, Rep. Joe Dorman, Ann Byrd, DeAnn Parham, Becky Rickert, Rev. George Back, Rev. Carol and Dr. Jim Hampton, Tom Hosman, John Knotts and Rita Lara.
Gateway: A sign at the front door warned guests “Beware of Pirates.”
Grog: Adult and children’s punch was served in separate punch bowls.
Shiver me timbers: A large selection of pirate’s hats and eye patches, for men and women, were set at the front door for guests to borrow in case they forgot theirs.
Samonia Meredith, Dennis Byford, Mary Ellen Meredith, Daniel Byford greet guests as they arrive for the party. (Photo by David Faytinger).
The Rum Fellows Band of Norman played during the event. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Lee-Ann Graham of Dallas talks with her cousin Lydia Sullivan. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Mary Ellen Meredith and Bill Phillips have fun at the Pirate’s Party. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
The pirate’s theme decorated the house. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
Eileen Price Everett honored at baby shower in Oklahoma City
Linda Klos, Mary Price, Eileen Price Everett and Jeary Seikel enjoy the party. (Photos by David Faytinger).
Eileen Price Everett was honored at a party in the home of Jane Elliott. Co-hostesses were Sody Clements, Mary Robideaux, Susan Wendelken, Cindy Biddinger, Charlotte Brown, Linda Klos and Jeary Seikel.
The table was decorated with jars holding pink candies, polka dot candles, pink carnations, baby roses and white hydrangeas. Booties, rattlers and pacifiers were hanging from the chandelier. On the menu: cranberry spiced punch, vodka tomato pasta, fruit salad and baby girl themed cut out cookies.
Eileen and husband Josh Everett will have the baby in February.
Among the guests were Linda Steinhorn, Debby Dudman, Elaine Levy, Gayle Semtner, Elizabeth Taylor, Natalie Biddinger, Marinell Guild, Betsy Hyde, Karen Ingram, Nancy Anthony, Rene Vassar and Marty Margo.
Jane Elliott, Susan Wendelken, Mary Robideaux, Sody Clements were among the hostesses.
Charlotte Brown, Dian Everett, Eileen Price Everett and Cindy Biddinger were at the shower.
Tri Delta “Art With A Heart” art show set at the Oklahoma History Center on February 25
Coming up is the Delta Delta Delta “Art With A Heart” art show. It is set for February 25 from 7 until 9 p.m. at the Oklahoma History Center.
Children receiving treatment at the Jimmy Everest Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at Children’s Hospital of Oklahoma create the art during art therapy sessions and donate it to the sale. These artists come to the party.
Tickets are $30. and are available at the door. Hors d’oeuvres and a cash bar will be available. Co-chairmen are Claudia Robertson and Kacey Luster. Web site is www.artwithaheartokc.com.
“The Print” art exhibition opens at Artspace at Untitled Gallery
Lindsay Hightower and Christine Sefolosha talk about the new exhibition at Artspace at Untitled Gallery.
20-40-60 Etiquette: Empty dish? Put something in it!
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
QUESTION: If someone brings you a dish of food in a pretty dish? What should you do? Were you taught to never return an empty dish Should I put something in it?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: A thank you card for bringing the food, along with their dish, cleaned. You would be trying WAY too hard if you did anything more than that.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: What a great idea, and a nice gesture, too. I can’t think of a nicer way to acknowledge the thoughtfulness of a friend who took the time to cook something for you, whatever the occasion. It would make me smile, too, to receive a dish back with a bouquet of flowers or cookies or something else in it.
Realistically, though, I wouldn’t expect that from anyone who received a dish from me. Often, people bring food to others who are in need due to illness or a death in the family, in crisis or as a thank-you gesture. The last thing they need to worry about is cooking or buying something in order to return the dish. Getting the plate back to the owner is effort enough, along with a thank-you note if possible. I usually try to bring food items in disposable containers so a person doesn’t have to worry about it.
HELEN’S ANSWER: It used to be an unspoken southern custom…to return the dish with something special in it. In today’s world, most people transport food in wonderful disposable dishes, so that returning the plate is not an issue. Since our reader has the pretty plate it really would be nice to put something in it when she returns it… a well- written thank you note…some cookies.
Last week Maggie Barrett in Oklahoma City put a small purple African violet on a plate she returned to me. It made my day!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Ree Drummond, author of The Pioneer Woman Cooks cookbook and the Pioneer Woman blog: Of course, I love this idea. I think it’s charming and sweet. But I also think it might be one of those things “from another time” that has fallen by the wayside because of the busy pace of our lives.
If I ever leave a dish at someone’s house, I’d never expect it to be returned with a piping hot treat inside! Folks are busy enough getting dinner on the table for their own families, let alone preparing something special just because I left a baking dish at their house.
But one option, if you’d like to adhere to this lovely old rule, is putting a little baggie of freshly baked cookies (or other snacks) in the dish, or even a sweet handwritten note about how delicious their recipe was. It’s the little things that matter.
Callie Gordon, a college junior, was an Oklahoma City 2009 debutante. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees. Guest is Ree Drummond, author of The Pioneer Woman Cookbook and The Pioneer Woman Blog.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog.
Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
Look for us!
E-mail us! helen.wallace@cox.net …lbrinkman@opubco.com…calliezok3@aol.com
20-40-60 Etiquette Extra! Polite Poker?
YOU ASK! WE ANSWER! YOU DECIDE!
EDITOR’S NOTE: In this week’s 20-40-60 etiquette extra, the men answer a bonus question about poker etiquette. In light of recent years’ popularity of the game, online, on TV and among friends, it’s fitting that 20-40-60 etiquette would address proper card-playing etiquette of the game.
It’s not the Wild West, so typically people don’t play the game with pistols by their sides like they do in the movies, but there still is a proper decorum to follow. Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen answer too!
QUESTION: Is there such a thing as poker etiquette? I was playing in a friendly family game of poker and my cousin played out of turn. Her dad strictly told her to wait her turn to bet and to totally pay attention because money was involved. I thought it was just a game.
20s: Nick Tanskersley: I can imagine that the father’s rebuff was a little harsh, but many people take poker very seriously, and that’s what makes it fun for them. I can’t stand playing a card game just “for fun”, I like the competitive nature of it, and that’s why I engage in it in the first place. There are plenty of ways to pass the time, but this is a completive game with an end goal and because of that, the rules should be followed.
There is an etiquette to almost every card game, but especially one where there is money involved. Many casinos set up very strict rules about table behavior, and going out of turn in those situations would almost surely get you a warning with an ejection waiting at the next mistake.
At a home game it may be a little more lax but the turn-based system of a poker game is essential to the overall strategy of the players. Perhaps one player is playing another’s bluff or is working for a bigger pot; if someone bets out of turn it could really derail that entire strategy as it adds extra money and factors to that round that should not be there.
It’s one thing to have fun while playing a game and it’s another to be annoying and think that rules don’t apply because it is only a game. Most games have rules for a reason, and without those rules all you really have is a bunch of people throwing cards at each other. It’s the same as when you were a kid and playing tag or some other game and someone would just start making up their own rules.
There is a universal set of rules for any game, and to break those rules means you’ll at least be admonished. If you are looking at playing a game where you are allowed to make up what you want to do as you go along, try some solitaire.
30s: Ford Sanger: Anytime a game is being played there are rules/etiquette to that game — rules that need to be followed, especially if money is involved in a poker game with family members. What makes any game fun is the strategy within the rules of the game.
40s: Scott Kinnaird: When money is involved, it’s never “just a game”. But, even if there isn’t money involved, and regardless of the game, parents should teach their children to play ethically and by the rules. If the rules happen to be “no rules,” that’s fine, too.
50s: Clay Healey: All games have rules. One of the biggest problems we have today is that folks forget rules, why they exist and when they apply. Although this is a friendly card game, the rule is to play in turn. The rule exists for a reason — it affects the next person’s bet and hence the outcome of the game.
I understand that one might think that different rules apply when the game is a friendly family game, but when money is involved, the rules must strictly apply. And maybe if one never learns to play well with family, how will one ever learn to play well with others?
Remember that poker is not just about who has the best hand. It is about reading your opponent and determining whether she is bluffing or not. This cannot be done when players bet out of turn. Her dad was correct!
60s: Ron James: I don’t have a good one on this. I don’t play, but it occurs to me that poker is not a friendly, idle game.
So, if you’re going to “play” it, then competition is your setting, follow the rules and win. Then go chat — if you’re still talking.
From the regular 20-40-60 etiquette columnists:
CALLIE’S ANSWER: YES! In poker it is a big no- no to play out of turn. This could affect the rest of the players bet, although it is just a game. Don’t take yourself too seriously!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: When I was little and my parents taught me to play poker, we learned that in the old days of the Wild West, you could get shot for playing out of turn or not playing by other poker rules. At 7 or so, that made a big impression. Even though they were joking with us and it was all in fun, I’ve always kept in mind that when I play poker, some people might be taking it way more seriously than I do.
You should be aware that when you’re playing with real money, people are serious about the game. It’s best to know the basic etiquette rules — don’t bet/play out of turn, don’t reveal your cards while the hand is still being played out and know what hands beat what as you play (even if you need a cheat sheet).
Although this is quoting the obvious cliché, even country singer Kenny Rogers alluded to gambling etiquette rules once in his song “The Gambler:” “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for counting when the dealin’s done.”
HELEN’S ANSWER: I was taught the rules of poker at an early age by parents who had heard stories of people being shot in friendly poker games, so they taught me to never touch the money or cards of anyone else at the card table and to concentrate on the game of cards. When money is involved, people tend to get possessive. So, truly, even young people can learn the rules and how to follow them correctly.
I think that the dad was correct in making her bet in turn. Many card players and game players choose not to play card games with people who do not observe the common courtesies of paying attention and/or playing and betting when they are supposed to. All games, with rules, should be followed.
Birthday party goes on
Barbara, Helen, Jane. (Photo by Bette).
Bette MacKellar and Barbara Beeler invited Jane Crain and me to La Baguette for breakfast Saturday, January 15th. It was my birthday and Jane had celebrated hers several days before. We are Capricorns. We had not celebrated together since 2006. That is when the fifth member of this group, Mex Frates, died.
Mex Frates, our favorite Capricorn, always brought her camera to this small gathering and took our picture. We have many years worth of these photos. She always told an excellent joke or two and she always had a new book to tell us about.
This year Bette told a great joke and took the picture on her iphone. Barbara told us about something she had been reading and we all brought party favors (just like Mex). There was a very bright sparkler on the birthday cake. We like to think her spirit joined us.
Next year we will go by the Memorial Garden at Junior League Headquarters to remember. There’s a brick in the courtyard with Mex’s name on it. She was the inspiration for the garden.
When she died Ruth Ann Tucker wrote this about her: “Mex was such a treasure and memories of her will live on and on.
“Several years ago I co-hosted a wedding shower and Mex was an invited guest. She was the first to RSVP, the first to arrive (on time) and the first to send a thank you note (arriving the next day). Everyone who entertains appreciates a prompt RSVP. I was so impressed I sent her a gift. Several weeks later I gave a party at my home in Denver and several prizes were given but my favorite was the MEX AWARD – given to the first person to RSVP. Other friends have picked up on this reward for their parties.
“Mex – I salute you for giving all who knew you such precious memories. You were one of a kind and a role model for all of us.”
Her obituary in The Oklahoman said this in part: “Philanthropist, humanitarian and civic leader Mex Rodman Frates died Wednesday in Oklahoma City. She was 98.
Frates had been an Oklahoma City resident for 95 years, and was responsible for the development and maintenance of many of its customs and institutions. She supported the arts, education, health programs and social institutions, giving many hours of time as a volunteer. Friends said she remained busy in the community until a few days ago.
Frates was inducted into the Oklahoma Hall of Fame in 1969. She helped establish the United Way and was the first president of the Junior League of Oklahoma City in 1933, through which she led or supported many community activities.
Oklahoma City has art museums, a ballet, an orchestra and other amenities partly because of her efforts.
And on and on. She was one of a kind. We miss her!
Mex Frates. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
The brick paver at Junior League Headquarters. (Photo by Helen Ford Wallace).
