How about the barking dogs? 20-40-60 answers
Parties Extra!…20-40-60 Question…received by e-mail from an Oklahoman and NewsOk reader.
YOU ASK…WE ANSWER…YOU DECIDE
Question: Our neighbor of 10 years recently got two feisty dogs. His dogs bark every time we go in our fenced backyard or when he walks them real early in the morning, sometimes as early as 5:30 a.m. I have complained to them. The answer is: “Sorry.” How do I write a polite letter to complain?
Callie’s Answer: Dogs that bark are usually bored, maybe as a gift, you could give the dogs some bones or chew toys to keep the dogs from barking. This way you don’t have to actually say something, AGAIN.
If this doesn’t work, google “dog barking” there is a system that you can buy (it is kind of expensive) but it is a high- pitched noise that only dogs can hear. This will teach the dogs not to bark, and there is no awkwardness between your neighbor.
The device goes as far as 300 feet away! GOOD LUCK!
Lillie-Beth’s Answer: That sounds awful! I don’t have a dog and don’t know how you keep a dog from barking.
I think I’d approach a letter with the idea of “how can we solve this problem together or work out a solution that works for both of us?” Make it clear you like them as neighbors and even the dogs, if that’s how you feel, but tell them just as clearly that you’re having serious trouble coping with the dogs’ barking.
Spell out why, in case they can’t see it from your point of view. Also, are there certain times of the day when you really can’t stand it? If so, maybe you can suggest to them they bring the dogs inside at those times. The less confrontational at first, the better, especially if you find a good compromise.
Here’s one idea I would NOT suggest (at least not right away), although it’s interesting: the New York Times recently reported on a long-time surgical procedure involving cutting dogs vocal cords, called “debarking.” Apparently it is an option for dog owners faced with the choice of getting rid of their dogs or keeping them quiet, such as in an apartment building, although many are now debating the ethics of debarking.
In your case, even if that suggestion solved your problem with the dogs, it would probably create new tension with the neighbors.
And on a light-hearted note, here’s what my 5-year-old said when I asked him what he would tell someone in your situation: “Plug your ears.”
Good luck!
Helen’s Answer: If you have talked to your neighbor about the noise and tactfully expressed your complaint and told him that you are willing to work with him to find the solution that will satisfy both of you and the problem is still going on, then mail a request in writing:
Dear Neighbor,
You may not realize that your dogs are barking every time we go outside into our yard and they are always barking in the morning when they go outside.
Maybe they are bored, scared or lonely. All of us in the neighborhood would appreciate your attention to this.
Another Dog Lover
Wait 10 days and if the situation does not improve, write another letter. Do not make threats, but point out that harboring a barking dog can be against the law in many cities and towns. You might enclose the City ordinance.
Jeanne Hoffman Smith, MSSW ACSW, and dog lover and owner ‘s, Answer:
Dear ???,
I’m writing about a neighborhood problem that I hope we can discuss and resolve. Your 2 new puppies obviously haven’t been trained yet not to bark incessantly, and I don’t want to “hound” you by calling all of the time when they are disruptively barking in the neighborhood.
Dogs, like children need schooling, and my veterinarians tell me that there are several excellent trainers and classes here in the city. Also, the “Dog Whisperer” is a great TV program, on every week night at 6 p.m.
I’d like to walk with you some morning and talk about solutions. Also, I have a book that I want to share with you, called, “Don’t Shoot the Dog”.
I will call you about this next week to make a plan.
Your neighbor and friend,
Jeanne
(Callie Gordon, a college sophomore, is a 2009 debutante and has been in many new social situations recently. Lillie-Beth Brinkman is a former debutante and currently the assistant features editor for The Oklahoman. Helen Wallace has written a social column for The Oklahoman for many years and has been on various local Ball committees.
This group does not always agree (via age differences), but they ALL see the need for proper behavior.)
Ask a specific etiquette question and you will get three answers…Then you decide for yourself how you would handle the situation. The answers have information for every age range….Callie is 20-ish; Lillie-Beth is 40-something, and Helen is 60-plus.
Please email us with your questions and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and daily blogs. We will try to answer your etiquette questions weekly on the Parties Extra! blog. Sometimes we will ask other people for their opinions.
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helen.wallace@cox.net…lbrinkman@opubco.com… calliezok3@aol.com
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