Tailgate Blog: Introducing the Bar Monkey
Welcome to our first installment of the OSU Tailgate Blog!
Today, I wanted to see who would already be tailgating at 9 a.m. for a 6 p.m. kickoff. After driving around the stadium a couple times to find the most-populated area, I decided on a grass lot on Duck St. near Hall of Fame.
That’s when I met Dan and Matt Hensley, Kevin Noel and Brian Pfenniger.
They already had their tent set up, a brand new flat screen TV in the 46-50-inch range ready to go and a Pistol Pete head for good measure. They’ve been regulars at their spot near the entrance of the lot for about four years, and expected their group to grow to about 20 people by the afternoon.
What’s on the menu?
Lots of cheese. Cheesy bratwurst. Chili cheese fries.
Burgers.
Triple stuff oreos. Yes, they apparently they make these now. Layer of white cream and a layer of chocolate cream. Initiate sugar coma.
Then they told me I had to meet Mike Wilson and Shane Caldwell, who have used their OSU engineering degrees to build perhaps the greatest tailgate invention I’ve ever seen.
Let me introduce you to the Bar Monkey.
The contraption, inside a trailer, features 32 drink varieties, including alcohol, soda and other mixers. Which means it can make 806 possible drink combinations.
By computer.
Simply tap all the ingredients you want to mix. Or, you can sort by popularity, incredients, strength of drink (which is hilariously marked by a crossbones logo) or other various search options. Then you select the size of your cup, if it has ice, etc., so the correct measurements for the ingredients can be calculated.
Then you tap “Do it!” and all drink ingredients magically travel through plastic tubes connected to the bottles, into a faucet and into your cup. And presto! You have your perfect, customized drink to enjoy while grilling, watching football and mingling with friends.
Let’s just say my mind was blown.
What’s on the fans’ minds? Five questions gathered at today’s tailgates.
How will the defensive line perform?
The Cowboys have two new starters at defensive tackle and very little experience at the position, but the group should still be able to exploit a ULL offensive line that is just as inexperienced—and less talented.
How will the new linebackers perform?
We all seem to have the same questions, don’t we? Attempting to replace Orie Lemon begins now, and it’s not going to be an easy task. Shaun Lewis is already a proven player despite being just a sophomore, and Caleb Lavey got some experience a year ago. But junior college transfer Alex Elkins, who didn’t even play football until college, will play a key role on this defense.
Which freshmen will play?
Mike Gundy said that between six and eight freshmen will play this season, and there’s a good chance this game will be lopsided enough for those first-year to get experience right away. We should see wide receiver/returner Josh Stewart and defensive tackle James Castleman early on in the game.
Does OSU have two Heisman candidates?
Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III has already grabbed a ton of Heisman buzz after his masterful performance in Baylor’s 50-48 upset win against TCU last night. Blackmon and Weeden were already part of the preseason Heisman conversation, and a big game by either of them tonight certainly wouldn’t hurt their cause.
What jerseys will the Cowboys wear?
Your guess is as good as mine at this point. To be honest, though, I think they will go traditional tonight. Why waste one of the “cooler” combinations on Louisiana-Lafayette, other than it’s the season opener? I’m going to predict an orange top, white pants and white helmet. But maybe that’s just what the Cowboys want us to think, and they’ll come out in all gray. I think they’ll save that for Arizona, though.
Thanks to everyone that invited me into their tailgate parties today. Do you think you have the best tailgate around? I’ll be looking for places to go Thursday, and all season. Email me at gmizell@opubco.com or reply to this post to tell me why yours should be featured on a future Tailgate Blog.
And be sure to check out NewsOK’s Tailgating University!
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