That’s my response to those of you who think Bricktown is filled with tall red-headed Irish fellas. Sorry, but despite the best efforts of the Brewer family to make Bricktown the hub of all things Irish and their St. Patrick’s Day festivities, we just don’t get that many tall red-headed Irish guys in Bricktown.
Now I know what you’re thinking; “Steve, how can you be sure?” Or maybe you’re wondering if this stranger was simply a long-lost relative of Mick Cornett. Nope, if you saw this stranger on Monday, in Bricktown, or in the vicinity of KFOR-TV, it was Conan. I’m told he was in town doing some prep work for his new show that starts in June.
So how was Conan spending his time here?
I don’t know.
So let’s just dream up a dream itinerary for Conan’s stay in downtown Oklahoma City:
6 a.m. Monday: Arrives at Will Rogers World Airport via Southwest Airlines. Finds out the show “Airline” is filming here and he quickly attacks a flight attendant with his friend, “vomiting Kermit.” OCPD are called, Conan rushes outside to catch a cab. Too bad he had to wait an hour. This ain’t no taxi town, Conan.
7:05 a.m. – OCPD catch up with Conan. But they are disappointed and bitter when they realize that the flight attendant was not attacked by an actual celebrity. She reported she was attacked by Conan’s distant cousin, television and movie star and fellow Irish guy Denis Leary. OCPD has high standards for celebrity crime in this town – we’re talking MacCauley Culkin on a traffic stop or Jim Belushi getting intoxicated in Bricktown. Conan is unceremoniously dropped off at the drunk tank at the entrance to Bricktown.
10 a.m. – Conan is released by Detox supervisor after more than two hours of constant crying and wailing about needing his momma to come pick him up. Vomiting Kermit has made new friends and chooses to stay. Conan asks why his fellow detainees are all excited about incoming weather and the chance to play the “Gary England drinking game.”
10:10 a.m. – Conan finds week-old newspaper announcing that Oklahoma City is the nation’s third most manliest city. Conan tries to fit in; he goes to Bass Pro, buys overalls, fishing boots, plaid shirt and a Texas Aggies ballcap.
10:25 a.m. – Conan waits for an Oklahoma Spirit trolley to pick him up at the stop outside Bass Pro.
11:30 a.m. – Conan gives up waiting for the trolley. He walks over to Toby Keith’s. Conan flirts with the waitresses and tells some jokes. The waitresses laugh at him, not with him.
noon: Conan hitchhikes a ride to KFOR and does an interview. He’s hurt, disappointed and confused that he can’t do the interview with all three Ogle brothers. Linda Cavanaugh does her best to console Conan.
1 p.m. – Conan decides to check out The Underground. He has not been seen since.
10 p.m. – Wailing is heard from the entrance to The Underground at the County office building. This sort of thing is considered normal at the home of Oklahoma’s proud county government.