‘Real Cougar’ on the prowl to redefine stereotype
Linda Franklin, author of "Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am"
Cathy Velte
Cathy Velte is not your average 54-year-old. The Oklahoma City woman is a successful medical researcher. Financially secure, she’s single, beautiful and confident. She’s a speed junkie who races cars professionally. And she’s proud to be a cougar.
But wait. Most people think of a cougar as a lonely, desperate woman over 40 who is on the prowl for a younger man. That hardly describes Velte.
That’s because Velte is one of thousands of women on a crusade to redefine the term cougar as applied to women.
“It is an attitude; it’s just a confident attitude,” Velte said. “It’s where you are in your life. … Most of us are very well-established in our careers and know what we want. Sexually, we’re mature, and we don’t play games. It makes us attractive to younger men.”
But Velte doesn’t pursue younger men. They pursue her. That’s the biggest distinction she sees between the popular notion of cougar and Velte’s definition of a “real cougar.”
Velte remembers a time when she was at a racetrack, and a young man approached her.
“You look fabulous,” he said. “I would love to take you out. Can I have your phone number?”
The two chatted for a moment, and the man told Velte he was 22.
“I have a 24-year-old son,” she said, laughing.
“I don’t care,” the young man said.
“I do,” Velte said.
“It was very flattering to me, but I just have the confidence that I think attracts younger men,” she said. “For what I do, motor sports, you have to have that. That’s a ‘man’s world.’ They don’t think we can drive. They think we’re dangerous. But, boy, do they have a surprise coming.”
‘Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am’
Linda Franklin wrote the book on being a “real cougar.” Literally. In “Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am,” Franklin knocks the stereotypical description of a cougar on its ear.
“Why is it that any time a woman breaks free from the conventional box society has placed her in, she inherits a degrading label?” Franklin writes in the book.
It irked her that when an older man dates a younger women, it’s like a badge of honor, but when a woman dates a younger man, she’s viewed as a predatory animal. She decided to put a positive spin on the cougar image and women over 40 in general.
Being a “real cougar,” Franklin said, is not about finding a hot, younger man to date. It’s about being the best a woman can be.
“The very first thing is to stop listening to what other people are saying,” Franklin said. “If you listen to the party line, you’re going to believe all the hype, that at this age, your sexuality goes away, your importance goes away. It just starts to diminish, and at 50, you just pack it in, put on your sneakers and your sweat suit and go play with your grandkids.”
Many women have put their own interests and true selves on the back burner for so long, they don’t even remember who they really are, Franklin said. Rediscovering yourself is important in becoming the best you can be.
“It’s not about the stilettos,” she said. Being a real cougar isn’t about dressing in short skirts, skimpy tops and vamping around singles bars on the prowl.
“Of course you want to look sexy; of course you want to look well put together; you want to look terrific — but for your age. And the women who go out of their way to try to look like they’re 25 in order to get a guy or for anything else, they’re laughed at. They’re not taken seriously.”
Franklin has started an online community for Real Cougar women to relate to each other. At www.therealcougarwomanclub.com, women can join for free, set up their own profile, participate in forums and discussions, ask questions and learn about being the best real cougar they can be.
Franklin also blogs about being a real cougar woman at www.therealcougarwoman.com.
Cougar components
Five components of being a “Real Cougar,” from “Don’t Ever Call Me Ma’am”:
She knows how to keep her body healthy.
She knows how to keep her beauty radiant.
She knows how to keep her financial affairs in order.
She knows how to keep her relationships nurtured.
She knows how to keep her spirit fulfilled.
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The new definition is the same as the old definition: “Creepy as fuck.”