A London woman has finally outdone my mother in the “What were they drinking” baby naming category.
In the case of my mother, she was drinking Mylanta — by the case loads. Apparently I gave her horrible heartburn, resulting in her buying the antacid in bulk and carrying a bottle of the thick substance in her purse so she could take a swig at her leisure.
When she couldn’t think of a middle name to go with Ja’Rena, my mother pulled out her bottle of Mylanta — which had quickly become her best friend — and decided to pay homage to her new pal.
Ja’Rena Mylantia was born. Yes, my mother named me after heartburn medicine, an act I’ve pondered for 25 years now.
But my complaining days have come to an end thanks to Maria, a London resident who gave her daughter Autumn 25 middle names — that’s one name for each year I’ve been ticked about my middle name. Autumn is named after 25 of her mother’s favorite boxers.
The baby’s full name is Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown.
I guess being named after an antacid is not so bad after all.
Ja’Rena Mylantia Lunsford