Having that talk — again
As the Sunday morning talking heads debated whether we’d have 80,000 U.S. troops in Afghanistan by year’s end, my husband, Perry, said it again: “I want to go.”
“Why in the world do you want to go back to that crazy reality?” I asked him. “Wasn’t hearing “duck and cover” over and over on Easter last year enough?”
Last Easter, Perry, a Navy reserve intelligence officer, was stationed at FOB Shield near Sadr City, which was repeatedly pelted with small (but deadly) bombs in recognition of the Christian holiday. Geesh.
In July, his seven-month tour in Iraq ended. I know hehad hit his stride and wanted to stay longer. I was mobilized as well, for a year, but in Williamsburg, Va., not in actual combat. Now we’re both home, but it has only been in the last couple months that our lives began to feel somewhat normal again.
So why even think about going back? His reasons are always the same.
“I want to be where the action is.”
“I want to feel relevant.”
“I wasn’t ready to leave Iraq when I did.”
It’s more complicated than that. For one, Perry’s youngest son Michael graduates from high school in June, then soon heads to college. That empty nest feeling looms.
As a civilian, Perry is a partner in a law firm that is managing better than most in this tenuous economy. But turning in time sheets at the firm is no match for real-time pursuits of “bad actors” and helping the Iraqis rebuild the Iraqi court system.
Also, coming home can seem foreign for awhile. Adjusting to our abundance again is uncomfortable. So is the realization that life back home continues without you just fine. Sure, you’re missed, but you also miss out on a lot while you’re being missed.
I don’t want him to go and tell him so. Too many times I’ve heard of warriors returning home safely only to get killed on their second or third tour back in the sandbox. Why tempt fate?
We change the channel to an old western movie and Afghanistan falls out of the conversation for the time being. My thoughts drift to paint swatches for the bedroom – a welcome bit of trivia, but trivial just the same. I know this conversation isn’t over yet. I just don’t know how it’ll turn out.
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