A letter to the editor about student drug testing
David King of Edmond sent this satirical “letter to the editor” after reading about the Edmond School Board’s discussion on student drug testing. King is a life-long member of Edmond.
Dear School Board Members,
Sorry I wasn’t able to attend your meeting, but I was nursing a hangover all day and didn’t feel like getting out, so I want to thank the Oklahoman for the opportunity to write my comments regarding this ridiculous issue of Drug Testing. I am the President of the newly formed Pro-Pot-Smoking Parents Organization, or PPiS-POR as we like to call it. I wanted to say that I was really encouraged to hear about all the parents who showed up at the meeting to speak out against drug testing in the school system. Its about time that the Edmond school system gets off it’s high horse and starts patterning itself after other schools that get high…I mean have high standards. Some schools have continually rejected drug testing in their schools and have had tremendous success in their academic performance, and are graduating outstanding students. Students like… ..um… …uh… ..well…..anyway. I can only hope for the day that we finally have a great school system like theirs. Just imagine, gun-shots ringing out in the parking lot and the pinnacle……to hear the song “Cocaine” blaring through the speakers at the beginning of every football game. Oh Yeah Baby! What a glorious day that will be.
The Pro-Pot Smoking Parent Organization (PPiS-POR) realizes that since teaching was developed into a science, academic institutions have instructed teachers on the importance of the learning environment as an essential part of education process. The PPiS-POR group, however, prefers the position stated in the meeting by my fellow PPiS-POR parents that we need to stop worrying about the current drug-laden environment and worry about education, (so long as we don’t educate on the dangers of THC and lung disease).
With this “progressive” attitude we can ensure that fee and uninhibited use of hooch will continue unchallenged by school administration. In fact, we at PPiS-POR would like to be the first to sponsor weekly events like “Weed-Wednesdays” and “Fatty-Fridays”, (but only if someone else does it cause I don’t feel like getting off my couch).
It is clear, that based on the last 10 years of Edmond Athletic championships we obviously don’t need any improvement. I would be happy to have our new PPiS-POR spokesman, Michael Phelps, speak to the Athletic Director about the financial benefits of athletes who get caught high on drugs. If you think training kids to catch or kick a ball when their “straight” is difficult, just wait until your kids are seeing three or four balls. Now watching that at a game would be the Bong… I mean Bomb!!
I must admit, however, I am a tiny bit conflicted about the drug testing issue myself. Mainly because, without it, our PPiS-POR group could not show the “huge” numbers of National Merit, and AP scholars who regularly get high on drugs. (I’m confident I can find at least one)
In conclusion, I would like to encourage other potential PPiS-POR members, who also had parents that didn’t care if their kids got high, to join our organization’s cause. We have meetings semi-regularly, (or whenever we feel like getting off the couch). And some day I hope to get around to building a website for our group…. Just don’t feel like doing anything right now.
Sincerely Yours
PPiS-POR President
David King
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