The Worldwide Conspiracy to Keep Me Fat
We can, as a people, blame a lot of our problems on secretive groups who control the world around us as easily as changing the channels on their TV.
Which is to say, secretive groups have had a lot more trouble over the years, because now you’ve got your DVR and your surround sound and maybe a satellite dish and is that DVD player also a CD player? Is it hooked up to the Internet for Netflix streaming?
Do you see what I mean? It’s really hard to change the channel these days.
But that doesn’t mean conspiracies don’t exist. Look at Scientology or the people who program TLC — twists upon twists, people.
The most recent conspiracy has been perpetrated right under my nose! It involves my wife, my parents, the CEOs of multi-national chocolate producers and, locally, Fat Daddy Sweets! Or, if it’s not a conspiracy, it’s at least a coincidence that, in the last two weeks, every different kind of delicious chocolate has found its way into my house.
I’ve got toffee, nut clusters, mini candy bars, truffles, chocolates filled with creme, boxed chocolates, M&Ms, a Toblerone bar and a Baker’s Edge pan that was immediately used to make a batch of brownies.
Dec. 31 – I say I want to lose weight in 2010.
Jan. 1 – Everybody on Earth gives me chocolate.
I’m onto you and your delicious and malicious plans, planet-wide conspiracy, and I have just one thing to ask:
Can I get more of those graham crackers dipped in dark chocolate? Greg the Hutt will eat many more of those, thank you.
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