TV is my year-round sport
I stopped playing soccer in elementary school. Quit baseball in middle school. Wimped out on basketball in high school.
And since my body went directly from frail and skinny to dumpy and bloated, I was never in “football” shape. Though I guess I’m kind of shaped like a football these days.
I didn’t stick with sports for two reasons — one, I suck at sports, and two, I was way better at watching TV. In fact, I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve kind of honed my body into the perfect TV watching machine.
Still, even I have my limits. TV used to be a fall sport. New shows, new seasons, new stories. Occasionally, you’d get a mid-season replacement, but mostly you finished up well before spring and could play a few pick-up games with reruns, if you were bored.
Nowadays, the new shows never stop. And I’m not talking about “reality” TV, which sucks at being a genre as much as I did at baseball, soccer, basketball and track — the summer has real, honest-to-God scripted fare.
I used to be able to rest up for the fall, get my trainer to check out my remote control hand, buy new pillows for the couch, but now I’m watching “Burn Notice” and “True Blood” and “Warehouse 13.”
My volume thumb is aching. I’m adding padding to my butt as fast as possible, but it’s never enough and BOOM — the calendar says we’re a month away from the fall season. All new shows. And I don’t know if I can handle it.
Maybe it’s time to just watch TV recreationally — it’s a younger man’s game, these days. But, Favre-like, I keep coming back.
Why didn’t I stick with basketball? I was awful, but at least nobody makes you play when it’s snowing outside.
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