I’ll Care About Health Care When I Get Cancer

If you’re like me, then you’re a devastatingly handsome 6′2 white man with a weakness for gyros and The Kinks. (If these things are true, congratulations on leading an awesome life.)

But another way you might be like me is that the current health care debate has you bored out of your skull. And that is because you, like me, are not dying of anything at this particular moment.

I’m sure if I had cancer or AIDS or a burning desire to teach interpretive dance to Hell’s Angels, I would care about universal health care. Those people care because they need it. But we’re young and invincible — we’ll never need a doctor or surgery or a flu vaccine.

And so we can’t be blamed for ignorance and apathy — well, we CAN be blamed, we just don’t care enough to do anything about it — because that’s for somebody else to worry about.

So, you know, let’s let old people decide. I mean, surely they’ll be as invested in keeping us healthy as they are in getting hip replacements and being kept alive by increasingly expensive machines.

Or let’s leave it up to rich people. Certainly they care more about making sure we can get health coverage despite a pre-existing condition than they do about saving a few bucks on their taxes. I mean, there’s no question, right?

And don’t forget the religious nutbags! We shouldn’t worry that they’ll try to collapse the whole thing because it doesn’t outlaw abortion — which the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled is legal — because they care so much more about helping the poor.

Everybody cares about poor people. It’s why their lives are so great.

No, if you’re like me, you’re just going to sit back and enjoy “More to Love,” the fat-friendly “Bachelor” rip-off with a big pint of ice cream and a bucket of corndogs.

Because we’re young and invincible. I’m sure everybody else is looking out for us. Right?



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