I would also like to apologize to Rihanna
Rihanna,
Girl, I know a lot of people are apologizing to you right now, like that guy you used to date, Chris Brown. Of course his apology is kind of vague, talking about “the incident” and “what happened.” I’ve used super new technology to embed it below, in case you’d like to watch again.
But unlike Chris, who savagely beat you in a car and then waited six months to say “sorry” as part of his community service, I’d like to make my apology very clear.
I am sorry that I don’t know who you are. Really, really sorry. I heard there was some song about an umbrella you did? But all I can think of is this song from the ’50s or ’60s they’re always playing on KOMA, and I don’t think that was you.
The fact that I only know you because Chris Brown beat you up is not cool. Then again, I though Chris Brown was a running back for the Detroit Lions, but I don’t think that skinny dude in the video could play in the NFL — even for Detroit.
So let me sincerely beg your forgiveness. I will try and figure out who you are beyond police reports posted on the Smoking Gun. And after that, I’ll get to work on the mystery of who gave Tyra Banks a damn talk show.
Sincerely,
Greg
p.s. Seriously? Who gave Tyra a talk show? Were you worried America was getting too smart?
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