Can you have an iPhone and not be an iDouche?
I have seen you, people. I have seen your hats worn purposely askew. I have seen your shirts that look like tattoos. I have seen your hair…oh sweet merciful God, have I seen your hair.
And while I like to think of myself as the kind of guy who judges based on the interior pages of a book — including the glossary and chapter subtitles – and not the book’s cover, that is a lie. When I see you wearing douche-y clothes and douche-y hair, I immediately think you’re a douche.
But what happens when the things I like become hipster d-bag accouterments? Suddenly, I am trapped.
My cell phone plan ends in a few months and the search has begun for a replacement. I was on one of those 12-year plans, so I’m currently rocking an Motorola bag phone, but I’m thinking of upgrading…to an iPhone.
Why? Because I want to check the Internets wherever I am and download applications that make my phone sound like a lightsaber.
The problem is, everytime I go to lunch, there’s a parade of creeps, each on their iPhones. I worry — will an iPhone ruin me? Will I have to buy Affliction clothes? Do I have to do a serious look and throw up a hand sign when someone takes my picture?
Do I have to start tanning?
But then I remember, I know lots of people with iPhones who aren’t douche-tastic. And if they can roll with one of those awesome phones that fits in a pocket and doesn’t require recharging between calls, then so can I.
Still, if you ever see me in a purposefully askew hat or a Flock of Seagulls haircut, do the only honorable, merciful thing and set me on fire. It’s the only way to make sure I don’t pass that douchery on to somebody else.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Yes, there are awesome things about the iPhone but I still cannot get over the fact that its Bluetooth cannot communicate with anything else other than an earpiece. Not even with another iPhone! Can you believe this?!? Maybe we, iPhone users, are blinded by the glitter and cannot see some obvious flaws. I suppose we are too superficial in some ways.
But (boy, oh, boy!) is it convenient to check directions and phone numbers for anything virtually anywhere? Or when you are shopping for something being able to compare prices in different retailers? Yes, yes, yes (sounding like Meg Ryan on “When Harry met Sally”).
Quit whining and yield to the iPhone force because it wants to be with you!!!