Are we dead yet?
I’ve been reading over the State of the State’s Health Report and, uh, I’m kind of worried.
First of all, it’s report card-style, so it doesn’t bode well that we didn’t get a single “A”. And considering there are 30-plus categories, you’d think we’d fall bass ackwards into at least one high mark. I mean, even the dumb kids got an “A” in P.E.
Come on — we actually scored an “F” in “fruit and vegetable consumption.” Seriously? Getting an “A” in “eating greens” is easier than passing a beginner’s geology class at the Learning Annex.
Here, I’ll teach you how it’s done.
Step 1. Buy some fruits and vegetables. They come in cans sometimes or over in that section of the grocery store with the plastic bags and the scales.
Step 2. Eat it.
If we can’t master that, it’s not surprising we’re rocking a “D” in “cancer deaths” and “first-trimester prenatal care.” In fact, could the two be related? Maybe an ad campaign is in order.
“Oklahomans: Eat your vegetables, or you and your baby will die of cancer. Sincerely, everybody.”
The worst part is, aside from how we’re all going to die fat and miserable, is that Oklahoma is known to the rest of the world as an agricultural state. If we were only known for rodeos, I wouldn’t be upset for scoring an “F” in “trampled to death by horses.”
But we grow things, here! Out of the Earth and whatnot.
Apparently, we just haven’t figured out how to eat them.
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