On Memorial Day
My friend Jana called me a couple of weeks ago. I could tell by the time of day, I think it was around noon on a weekend, that something was up.
“Jim,” she said. “Patti died this morning. I thought you’d want to know.”
I did. Even though I didn’t know Jana’s friend Patti all that well, it mattered to me that she had passed on.
Patti Roach, who was eighty years old at the time of her death, was a schoolteacher who lived in San Angelo, Texas. Well, to call her just a “schoolteacher” is really a gross understatement. In actuality, Patti was an educational saint, one who taught in the public education system for nearly forty years and taught high school English for more than three decades.
Longevity aside, Patti was a beloved teacher, one that made a deep impact on thousands of students during her tenure. Many of those students, one of whom was my friend Jana, kept up with Patti for years after graduation. That’s how much they loved her. And that’s one of the reason Patti was given the Texas Excellence Award for Outstanding High School Teachers in 1988 by an association of former students and the University of Texas.
So how did I, a lifelong resident of Oklahoma, get to know this high school English teacher from Texas? Through Jana. Through writing. And through cancer.
You see, Jana had read my cancer memoir, I Survived Cancer But Never Won the Tour de France, and had passed a copy on to her friend Patti, who had been struggling with the disease for many years.
I often think my cancer journey has been something of a torturous road. But compared to Patti’s, my journey has been a short walk through the park. I can’t set forth all the details of her journey here, for I don’t know them well enough. But suffice it to say that Patti suffered through several primary cancers, many recurrences, and practically every cancer treatment known to man. She had been a “cancer survivor” for something like twenty years, battling the disease over and over and seemingly defeating it, only to have to battle it once more.
After Jana gave her a copy of my book, Patti, an avid reader, poured over it fairly quickly. Somehow it managed to hit home. I guess some of the topics I wrote about seemed almost autobiographical to Patti. She gave Jana a favorable review of the book over the phone, then proceeded to order something like a dozen copies to hand out to family and friends. Following that, she ordered several copies of my poetry books and apparently liked them too, especially the poems that dealt with health issues.
Patti took the time to write me several hand-written notes, along with some very encouraging emails. We also had a few phone calls, back and forth. Through those conversations, it was clear that Patti had only one altruistic purpose in mind: she wanted to let me know that she believed in me as a writer. And in so doing, she helped me to believe in myself.
When Jana told me that Patti had passed, I told her it hurt for three reasons. First of all, because Patti was in the hall of fame of cancer survivors. She gave people like me hope, for if Patti was still making it after all of her challenges, then maybe, just maybe, I could make it too.
The second reason I hurt was because Jana was hurting. She was close to Patti, and I could hear the pain in her voice as we spoke. Because we were friends, Jana’s pain was my pain too. That’s the way it is with friends.
And finally, I hurt because I had lost something precious. I had lost the support of someone who believed in me. There are only a handful of people like that in most of our lives. People like Patti who take the time to let us know that we have a place in this world and, in so doing, help us believe in ourselves.
Rest in peace.
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Comments
Hello Jim,
I am an Okie, now living in Az. On May 22nd, I passed my 1st anniversary of having my right kidney removed due to a Renal Cell Carcinoma. I am doing very well.
When I read about folks like you and Ms. Patti, you both give us folks hope that have been told those terrible words “you have cancer”.
Yesterday was my sister’s first anniversary of having a 4.4 lb tumor removed from her liver. After another surgery and then being told that another surgery is not possible, she started chemo about three weeks ago. Today, her hair is falling out.
You might like reading about her Okie background and all of her ups and downs in the fight for her life against cancer.
My son made a web page for his aunt. For lack of a better name, see: Brendascancerfund.com
Brenda was diagnosed by the doctors at UCLA as having a follicular dendritic cell sarcoma, a rare form of a rare cancer.
You will get a kick out of her personality and how she is so determined to beat that sarcoma.
Good luck to you – from an fellow Okie, now in Az.
Randy
Jim, I believe in you. What you’ve overcome astounds me.I’m so happy you saw Maddye graduate, and now you can look forward to many more memories with your family. Keep us all posted about the new potential treatment. Peace-Jenny
My husband, son and I attended Patti’s memorial service a few weekends ago in my home town, San Angelo. The memorial captured the spirit of Patti – powerful, spiritual, and true, but also low-key, funny, and in the moment. I think this is why she connected to Jim and his writing so well.
Patti’s daughter Tudi and her husband Rick Karn are in show business (Rick is best known as Tim Allen’s sidekick Al on Home Improvement), so she was no stranger to Broadway and Hollywood. Tudi and Rick are amazingly talented(the memory of Tudi’s rendition of Amazing Grace at the service will always leave me with chills). The other big stars to Patti were writers. And Jim was a big star to her.
I encouraged her more than once to call Jim and visit with him about their shared experiences, especially when they both faced the unthinkable and unknowable at the same time and shared the same attitude: humorous humility. Patti used to tell me, “He writes what I’m thinking about; it’s the strangest thing.”
I will always be grateful to Jim for connecting and sharing with Patti through his stories and poems these past few years. It was rewarding to introduce these two like minds, as it has been two of the greatest gifts of my life to be friends with both.
Thankfully, friendship and ideas can be shared through a book ad infinitum, just like relationships don’t end when bodies give out.
Jana Moring