Don’t Take My Grief Away From Me
After my sister Karyn died in a car accident in April of 1992, I found myself in a dark place like none other I had ever known. Hardly an hour passed when my little sister wasn’t on my mind. I was down and depressed. I teared up every day, sometimes sobbing for long stretches of time. I had motivation problems. Sleep was no longer a guarantee.
This lasted weeks upon weeks, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
At some point I recalled that a fellow named Doug Manning had spoken at our church about this issue. Manning used to be a pastor, but now he held himself out as a “grief specialist.” In fact, over the years, he had become a nationally recognized expert in this strange field.
I recalled that Manning had spoken on the subject of grief one Sunday, long before Karyn died. I’d forgotten a good chunk of what he’d said I’m afraid, as I had no grieving experience affecting me at the time. But I did recall this: Doug Manning was real; he was compassionate; he was funny (and that means a lot to me); and he had written a book on the subject of grieving. Being a big believer in the power of books, I hoped Manning might be able to help me out of my funk.
That is how I came to purchase and then read Don’t Take My Grief Away From Me in the summer of 1992. And boy am I glad I did.
Some books speak to us because the author seems to be reading our souls. Others tell a great story that thrills us to no end. Others are beautifully written by someone with a unique voice. Others remind us of some person, place, or event we hold near to our hearts.
Other books come at the exact right time, hitting upon an important subject just when we needed it most. That was what happened when I read Don’t Take My Grief Away From Me. The book was speaking my language, addressing issues that had been sloshing around in my mind and driving me crazy. I didn’t know what was “normal” when one was grieving. I knew nothing about the stages of grief. I wasn’t prepared for the cruel things people would say in an attempt to help. And I certainly didn’t know about how others would expect me to “get over it” way before I was ready.
Manning’s book addresses these issues and many others, based upon his many years of assisting grieving families. It is a short read, approximately 125 pages, but it is packed with valuable insights and information.
Over the years I have sent copies of the book to various people who were dealing with grief. You never know if they read the book and found it as helpful as I did. But that’s not the point, of course.
Whenever tragedy strikes someone close to us, we often feel powerless and are unsure about how we could possibly help. A book is a great gift in these situations. Instead of saying, “please let me know if there’s anything I can do,” you simply hand them the book and say “I’ve been thinking about you.”
You can obtain a copy of Don’t Take My Grief Away From Me and other books by Doug Manning at www.insightbooks.com .
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Comments
Annie Lamott used to write a column for Salon.com’s “Mothers who Think” segment – in 1997 she published an installment called Diving into the Wreckage. I read it at a time when I knew my mother was dying and I have come back to it many times over the years. I thought I’d share it in case others want to read it too. http://www.salon.com/aug97/mothers/lamott970814.html
“Hey, Jim, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey, hey.”
Just one way to say your words to describe words and books are such a delight to read that this former English teacher/journalist comes alive. I have two of your books to keep my mind working and appreciating you forever and always. If I were the queen of the world, since I care about the feminine and the masculine in language still, I would make your poetry mandatory reading in American literature in all of Oklahoma. Ain’t power a trip? Love ya!
My little sister Jessica sent me your story today. I grew up across the street and played with Karyn daily. You terrorized us by chased us around the house trying to pop our toes. You taught me a few lessons….don’t take off my shoes if Jimmy is home! I am proud of you and who you have become. You have touched my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this is so true. You see on April 30 this yr. I lost my husband Leon and to this day I still feel empty inside and cry alot. Leon meant the world to me, and still does. No one knows just how much it hurts to go from day to day without him. What really hurt me was when his brother called the police on me to get the flag from his Dad’s military funeral.Well it was given to my husband by his Nephew Stephen, who was going into the Military and didn’t know where to put it. An he knew that his Uncle would love the flag and keep it safe, and not lose it.So to have the police called on me to get the flag back. Well he didn’t get it because the policeman told me that possetion was 9/10 of the law. So if he really want’s it he would have to take me to court for it. Because I can’t let go of anything of Leon’s right now. I find myself sleeping with his leather jacket. I still have my Hubby’s urn with me as I can’t put him in the ground right now. I know people have told me that I need to do this soon. Well it won’t be right now that’s for sure. Thank You; Cheryl
thanks so much for the info on Manning’s book. I need to add it to my library.
I may not comment everyday, but know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily.