The Jim Chastain Preservation Society
One of the more difficult (and panic-inducing) aspects of dealing with terminal illness, at least for me, is the desire to preserve the stories from my life. The clock is ticking, as they say, so I know that if I don’t write down this story or that from my past those stories will essentially die with me.
We preserve the memories and stories in our lives in various ways. Photography. Videos. Scrap-booking. Word of mouth. And some do it through writing.
This desire, to tell and preserve stories, has been a driving force in my life for many years. When I was a kid, I used to pretend my life was a movie and the whole world was watching. That may sound self-centered, but as I recall it was just a kid’s game of make believe. To keep the “movie” from being too boring, I had to crank up the action. That is, I tried to incorporate as much conflict, adventure and humor into my daily routine as possible. (No wonder I’ve had such a crazy life.)
Perhaps it’s not surprising, then, that I became infatuated with books and movies as I grew older, for the power of story in the great novels and films is hard to deny. I read dozens of books each year as a kid, and I watched hundreds of movies. I’ve probably read The Chronicles of Narnia seven or eight times. I recall how thrilled I was when HBO was hooked up to my bedroom in high school. In college I took a job at a video store, and my nickname became “Mr. Movie.” Later, I began reviewing films for several newspapers, and I even wrote a couple of screenplays. Several true life stories from my childhood made their way into those scripts and are thus preserved forever, at least if anyone ever buys them and turns them into a film.
The desire to tell and preserve stories also played a big part in my interest in poetry, for poetry is a great vehicle for storytelling. Poems can be purely fictional, but they can also be entirely true. But perhaps most often, they are a blend of fiction and nonfiction, using both to reach a larger underlying truth.
When writing poems, I love to insert a memory or two from my life, for in so doing I know those memories will last a bit longer than I will. And during poetry readings, I enjoy telling the stories behind the poems whenever I can, i.e., how a series of seemingly random events led to the creation of something brand new.
The desire to tell and preserve stories was also the driving force behind my cancer memoir, I Survived Cancer But Never Won the Tour de France. Some absolutely crazy things happened to me during my initial five-year battle with cancer, and I wanted to share them. These were stories that went beyond the standard “here’s what happened when Jim had cancer.” They were hilarious, outrageous, and sad, all rolled up together. I wanted to preserve those stories and thereby show what living with cancer is really like. And in telling those stories, I was also able to insert numerous other memories from my life along the way.
Of course now that I’m “dying,” this desire to tell and preserve the stories from my life is stronger than ever. Not all of them, of course, for I’m surely not that interesting. But I’d love for the best ones to survive. Besides, I want my kids to remember me. I want my friends and family to recall the good ole days and the person I once was. And like so many others, I want the world to remember, at least for a little while, that I was here.
And so, after my grim diagnosis, I completed a list of 500 of the strongest memories from my life. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do with that list, but I’m going to try to preserve as many of those stories as I can, through various means.
I’m working diligently on a new memoir, I Survived an Amputation But Never Became the Bionic Man. Like my first book, it will combine essays and poetry in an attempt to capture some truly crazy moments from the handicapped portion of my life. If I finish it, I’ll be able to cross those memories off the list.
I’m also working on a new poetry book, which I hope to have finished by the end of the summer. I’m going through all my poems, and those that preserve memories will be given special attention. Plus, I’m writing new poems all the time.
I hope to capture other stories from my past on video or simply by sharing them with others through email or a phone call. (I’ve already posted some on facebook and my website, under the label “16 random facts about Jim”.)
But beyond all those hopes and dreams, I am fortunate to have this Life is Real series, which has enabled me to capture and preserve so many stories, thoughts and memories from my life and to reconnect with dozens of people I have known. So many have written me notes about a certain event from our past, some escapade we shared, some trouble we found ourselves in, some laughs we shared. Some of those memories even I had forgotten, but now they are preserved once more.
Perhaps someday someone will turn these essays into a book. Perhaps not. But either way, I’d like to think that at least some of the stories I’ve shared have been preserved, at least for awhile, through laughter, tears, new discoveries, rekindled memories, and the reminder to live now while you can.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Jim- I believe that you are making a legacy, for your family and those who read your words. That is an excellent gift of yourself to us. I believe that this must be the hardest to let us in on the day to day. On the other hand, it helps us and educates us. You also stretch us in our daily experience. For all of the above, I thank you from the depths of my heart.
You have sparked some thoughts with me lately. I know that I am not just my chosen profession, but that is how most will remember me. I have family, birth and extended but no children. How will they know me and what can I leave for them?
I know the “chemo brain experience”. I am not sure if it is the cause or something else, but sometimes my life is a blur. I feel that I have lost chunks of brain and forgotten to pick them up!
Thanks for letting us be a part of the Jim Chastain Preservation Society….maybe you are spurring us to take the journey to start our own.
My best for your day, Laura Geyer