Pain in the… Brain
I’m writing from the Cade Cancer Center at OU Physicians in Oklahoma City. I’m starting my umpteenth chemo treatment, so I must write fast, before “chemo brain” sets in.
I awoke early this morning because I had scheduled breakfast with my writer friend Molly Griffis. I try to eat a good breakfast on chemo days, because who knows how long it will be before I feel like eating again.
Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave, I started feeling nauseous. This is not uncommon, of course, for someone doing chemo, but nausea usually only lasts two or three days after chemo and I was two weeks out.
I proceeded to do two or three dry heaves. If I’d wanted, I could’ve puked right then. My stomach was churning like an Amish girl making butter.
But here’s the rub. The nausea was all in my head.
They call it anticipatory nausea or anticipatory symptoms. Like the phantom pain I sometimes feel from my missing right arm, my brain was anticipating the chemo I was about to receive that day. And as if punishing me for some past misdeed–perhaps a college frat party gone amok or those John Grisham books I read in my thirties–it was telling my body to be nauseous even though there was no real reason for it yet.
Fortunately, even though the nausea was just a bad joke my brain was playing on me, I could take an actual nausea pill and make it go away. That’s right, real medicine works for fake symptoms. Wish that worked for phantom pain in my missing right arm, but it doesn’t.
For me, anticipatory nausea always begins in the 24 hour period before chemo. Our brains are that scheduled, that capable of looking forward to what’s coming our way. It’s pretty amazing, really.
The trouble is, this week my brain started anticipating the chemo a day early. So I had two days of fake nausea, rather than one. It wasn’t fair.
I guess my brain was lodging some other grievance. Perhaps it was that year I watched Survivor or American Idol. Maybe it my brief stint as a deacon. Or maybe it was when I took my daughter to see Barney, the Musical.
I’m not sure. Perhaps my brain just thinks it’s funny.
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Comments
Oh my………..a deacon AND Barney, the musical………that explains so much about you which has up until this point been so mysterious and intriguing. It all makes sense now. By the way, I’m curious what you are reading these days.
If my brain is going to excercise a grievance against me for watching Survivor and American Idol, someday I’m going to be in BIG trouble.
Thanks for the blog postings Jim. I hope this session of chemo isn’t too hard on you.
Hi Jim,
My sister Lyn and my mom mentioned to me they saw something about you on a OKC TV station. I live in Broken Arrow. I have read a few of your articles just recently and have enjoyed them.
I don’t know if you remember me or not, I was a graduate in 1981 from good ol’ Sooner High School. ‘Booze is great, sex is fun, we’re the class of ‘81.’ Go Spartans… and all that fun jazz. Ha
I hope you feel better when you get back from chemo, keep up the good work writing your articles Jim.
Rick Neal