Comments on: Caregivers Need Care Too http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/ Life is Real - Writing the final chapters Sat, 25 Feb 2012 06:32:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5 By: charlotte lankard http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/comment-page-1/#comment-14 charlotte lankard Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:03:42 +0000 http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/#comment-14 Linda…thanks for your thoughts. As I read them I am aware that not only do other family members who are not the primary caregiver need to be thoughtful in assisting, but the caregivers themselves need to KNOW what you said – that their feelings of resentment in no way reflects on the love they feel for their family member….the feelings simply serve as a red flag to them that they are exhausted and need help themselves. I know many caregivers who are tired and resentful, who then feel guilty about how they “feel”.

]]> By: Linda http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/comment-page-1/#comment-13 Linda Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:49:58 +0000 http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/#comment-13 I agree that family members need to be vigilant in watching for signs that the primary family caregiver is not getting so frustrated with others that she/he moves into a resentment state and then will not ask for help. This state is out of shear burnout and truly does not reflect how the caregiver feels about less involved family members most of the time.

]]> By: charlotte lankard http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/comment-page-1/#comment-7 charlotte lankard Sat, 21 Feb 2009 19:03:27 +0000 http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/#comment-7 Cheryl, caregiving, even when you love someone, has its challenges. You speak of the mean words from your parents, and even though you know they are ill, those words still hurt. Perhaps it will help you to understand that behind angry words is always fear. They may be ill, they are also afraid. You might try asking in a caring voice next time they dump on you, “What are you scared of?”

At the same time, when someone is abusing you with words, it is your job to step back – and maybe out. I don’t know what your parents resources are, but I would strongly enoourage you to find a therapist and/or support group where you will find people who understand, have been there and who can help you look at ways to care for yourself.

It may be time to bring in other help to lighten your load. While your parents will surely protest loud and long and angrily, it is healthy and right for you to say something like, “I feel sad that you feel as you do, but it is not okay for you to use hurtful, hateful words, and I will be using other people to care for you because I don’t want to be angry with you and resent you.”

What we sometimes overlook is that we teach people how to treat us. While you can’t change your parents, take a look at what changes you can make to take better care for yourself. Hang in there. Charlotte

]]> By: Cheryl Leonard http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/comment-page-1/#comment-4 Cheryl Leonard Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:05:17 +0000 http://blog.newsok.com/lifeisreal-charlotte/2009/02/08/caregivers-need-care-too/#comment-4 Thank you for this article. You have described me perfectly. As a caregiver, I go at a hectic pace and it isn’t until I feel like I could explode, or break down in tears that I realize I need a break. One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the mean words from a parent. I tell myself they are ill, but when you must deal with it over and over it is hard to swallow. How does a person know when doing the right thing is to help out or to step back and let them live their life as they choose?

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