Blood Institute needs your help, your blood
You’ve most likely read or seen the plea, but unless you or anyone you know ever has needed blood, you may not understand the significance.
As someone who has been in that situation, I can tell you it’s extremely significant. It easily can be a matter of life or death.
“Someone needs blood every two seconds,” said Dr. John Armitage, president and CEO of the Oklahoma Blood Institute. “This constant need is why we are asking … residents to donate blood.”
Because there is no substitute for blood, the supply must constantly be renewed. There always is a need.
Maybe it’s because I have experience firsthand the need. Maybe it’s because I’ve known many others who have been through it. Or maybe it’s because I have worked closely with the institute and its staff for many years to see and hear about those times when a quantity of donated blood allowed someone to continue to live.
Whatever the reason, I do know, and I encourage everyone who can to consider donating. You can find information in news releases in any of the five “know it” communities about how and where you can do so. There are many opportunities through the year. Just check KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/EDMOND, KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/MIDWEST-CITY, KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/NORMAN, KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/OKLAHOMA-CITY, or KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/YUKON for local drives.
You also can find information by contacting the institute or any of its donor centers.
Although all blood types are needed, those with O-negative type blood are especially encouraged to donate. According to the American Association of Blood Banks (AABB), those with O-negative blood type make up only 9 percent of the national population. However, O-negative blood can be used in any emergency situation when a patient’s blood type has not yet been identified.
Oklahoma Blood Institute exclusively provides every drop of blood needed by patients at all hospitals in the metro-OKC area. Some 140 other medical facilities across the state also rely solely on OBI to provide life-saving blood for their patients.
Anyone, 16 years or older, can typically donate blood. Blood can be given every 56 days. To find out more or make an appointment to donate, call 877-340-8777, or visit WWW.OBI.ORG.
All 16-year-olds must weigh at least 125 and provide signed parental permission. All 17-year-olds must weigh at least 125 pounds, All 18-year-olds must weigh at least 110 pounds.
Better driving needed, report says
As a columnist who writes about traffic issues, I often get emails, phone calls, or letters from someone criticizing Oklahoma drivers — primarily those in Oklahoma City.
The most common complaint is that our drivers don’t have any regard for safety. They don’t obey the law, they run red lights, they drive too fast, they don’t yield, they never use turn signals and they are just plain rude.
The result of these actions? Oklahomans, again pointing at mostly Oklahoma Citians, are more likely to have an accident.
It’s interesting that many of those complaining moved here from another state, where drivers were more courteous and more careful, the complaining parties say.
There are times, I would have to agree with some of what I read or hear. I’ve seen examples of most everything they gripe about. And now, there’s even more ammunition for them.
My longtime colleague Don Mecoy wrote a story for The Oklahoman today that says, “The average Oklahoma City driver will be involved in an auto collision every 10 years, which ranks the metro behind 79 other U.S. cities in Allstate Insurance Co.’s annual ‘Best Drivers Report.’ ”
In his story, Don notes that Allstate, using claims data for the basis of its report, says Oklahoma City “ranks as one of the least safe driving cities.”
There’s a lot of good information in Don’s story — good from the point of things that can help us do better; bad if you’re keeping score on which cities need the most work.
So I encourage you to read it and take it to heart. We can all benefit if we do better. It might even cut down on the complaining.
HTTP://NEWSOK.COM/OKLAHOMA-CITY-DRIVERS-BETTER-BUT-STILL-NOT-GOOD-ALLSTATE-REPORT-SAYS/ARTICLE/3704721.
Teach children about financial responsibility
We always wondered why one of our classmates in grade school wasn’t buying comic books, soft drinks and candy bars like the rest of us.
We thought maybe he didn’t like to read, had a health condition we weren’t aware of, or didn’t have money (which at that time, was less than a dollar for several of each of those items mentioned above).
But the truth was that his parents taught him about making the best use of his finances. He was banking on the future. And let me tell you, he’s successful today because of that lesson.
That time of my life came to mind last week when the following news release came to me in an email. It has some very valuable information in it, so I encourage you to read it carefully, think about it, and see how you can use the suggestions for your children.
The release noted that having “the talk” with your child is more important than ever. “Teaching financial responsibility is the new ‘birds and bees,’” it said.
“There are certain life lessons that every child eventually learns with or without the guidance of their parents, but financial literacy is one talk that parents shouldn’t avoid or delay. Many of today’s youth aren’t equipped to deal with the complexities of life, including money management. For parents, having ‘the talk’ about financial responsibility with their child is a critical step in preparing kids and teens for their future.”
The release noted that studies show parents play an important role in teaching children how to handle money responsibly. In fact, a 2011 survey of high school seniors found that 87 percent said their parents were their primary resource for information about money management and personal finance issues. Interestingly, however, only 22 percent said they talked to their parents about money management frequently.
“Much like the birds and bees talk, children desperately need guidance from their parents in order to learn appropriate money management skills,” said Becky Franklin, EVP/sales manager at Arvest Bank in Oklahoma City. “Arming our kids with this type of information now will guide them well into adulthood, so start these conversations early.”
When is the best time for these youngsters to learn about money management? A Junior Achievement/Allstate Foundation survey found that 81 percent of teens say kindergarten through 12th grade, Franklin’s release said.
That same survey, she said, found that nearly 50 percent of the teens didn’t really know how to use a credit card effectively. But get this. Twenty-four percent still think they should get their first credit card when they are high school age or younger.
“This illustrates the disconnect between their desire for more education and the amount of actual financial knowledge of many teens,” Franklin’s release said.
She said a basic financial responsibility discussion should consist of these areas of focus for parents to frame their conversations:
· You need money to buy things. It seems simple, but reinforce that it is important to earn income and live within those means. This may include waiting to buy until the money is available and often involves making difficult choices about how to spend money.
· Savings is important and takes practice. The sooner they start saving, the greater progress they’ll make towards building good habits. Encourage that they put money into savings frequently and help them with setting realistic savings goals.
· Credit should only be used when necessary. Ensure they know a credit card is like a loan, interest will cost them more in the long run, and they should only use credit cards when necessary. Discuss wants versus needs in using credit for purchases.
· Protect your financial identity. It can be costly and dangerous to divulge personal and financial information online, in-person and over the phone. Providing this information too easily can expose them to identity theft and financial loss, so it should be done with care.
· Life is expensive. For older teens, make sure they know how necessities like taxes, insurance, utilities and interest on credit cards and loans are unavoidable costs they should be prepared for. These are often overlooked and less obvious than just the rent, food or car payment.
“Helping your teen gain actual experience in money management while still living in the home can be very valuable,” Franklin said. “Many banks have savings, credit and prepaid card products available specifically designed for parents and teens to use together to start building lifelong money management skills.”
She said that in order to teach children the appropriate financial lessons at the correct age, Arvest recommends that parents and educators start by using the following resources to get more information to prepare for “the talk” with your child:
1. arvestmoneyskills.com — The site contains financial education tips and lesson plans for Pre-K through college and for those with special needs.
2. whatsmyscore.org — This financial management website is geared toward teens and young adults and provides relevant information on transitioning from high school to college, including how to rent an apartment and how to buy a car.
3. mymoney.gov — A guide for any life-changing circumstance, this site provides financial information based on where you are in life – from the birth of a child to retirement. You’ll also find a list of resources and useful tools.
Bank on it. And to learn more about personal finances, check out the resources in KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/MONEY-OKLAHOMA
Take a trip to Bricktown
Observances from numerous recent trips through Bricktown:
* There’s a lot going on down there and things continuously change. It just keeps getting better, in my opinion.
* It’s easy to spot those who aren’t familiar with the area. They generally are looking up, or side-to-side … even when the traffic lights change and they are just stepping off the curb.
* If you can’t find a place to eat in Bricktown, you aren’t being observant. Just about anything you want can be found in a very short distance.
* There truly is some fine entertainment in the Bricktown district. It may be a little thin for some age groups, but there’s still something there for most people.
* It really isn’t hard to drive through the area, but you need to pay attention to what is going on around you. It could be pedestrians, it could be a horse-drawn carriage, it could be another motorist. But you have to watch out.
* There are several businesses in Bricktown to check out, in addition to the food sites. If sports, movies, live music are for you, stroll through and enjoy. Plus, there are spots where you can find items ranging from trinkets to clothing.
* There is some interesting scenery. From the canal to the artwork, from architecture to history, just look around.
But I have to tell you. I’m not the only one who would like to see a better deal on parking. When the price to park is equivalent to a menu item at a decent eatery, that’s a bit much.
Overall, it’s certainly worth the trip, and it’s only going to get better.
Learn more about Bricktown events and specialties by going to http://wimgo.com/oklahoma-city-ok/ or http://knowit.newsok.com/oklahoma-city.
Who makes it to long-term recovery?
I just finished reading the book “Lone Survivor” by Marcus Luttrell.
This book goes into great detail on what it takes to become a Navy Seal.
Of course, as I always do, I related his experiences to what it takes for an addicted child to find and maintain long-term recovery.
For example, one of Marcus’ instructors said to him: “Marcus, the body can take d*** near anything. It’s the mind that needs training. The question that guy was being asked involved mental strength. Can you handle such injustice? Can you cope with that kind of unfairness, that much of a setback, and still come back with your jaw set, still determined, swearing to God you will never quit? That’s what we are looking for.”
That statement was followed by: “He closed by telling us the real battle is won in the mind. It’s won by guys who understand their areas of weakness, who sit and think about it, plotting and planning to improve, attending to the detail. Work on your weaknesses and overcome them.”
This is what it takes to become a Navy Seal but these requirements parallel what it takes to accept long-term recovery from alcohol or other drugs.
Peace, sanity and serenity
We struggle with detaching from our addicted children, even when we know it is in our best interest as well as our child’s.
I think it’s the loss of the dreams we had for our children that we can’t let go of. After all, we work so hard to provide our children with a successful future.
We wanted to be there and witness their achievements and life success. But that’s all gone now; it will never happen and we just can’t accept it.
Every parent eventually will detach from the addicted child. The pain eventually will be too great to bear and that forces us into change. The path is always different for each parent but all will experience the same pain.
The change usually begins with anger. It has been said that anger is the result of expectations not being met. It is also the first motivator to established a parent’s personal boundaries which results in the change process.
The next step is reaching out to support groups and finding others who understand and who will support the parent through the change process.
So begins the journey to recovery for the parents and what lies ahead for each one is peace, sanity and serenity.
Traveling with Children
By Chuck Mai, AAA
Do you know the best practices for traveling with children in your car? This quiz will test your knowledge.
1. Children should begin using adult seat belts in cars:
a. When they stop feeding with a bottle
b. When they can walk
c. By first grade
d. When they’re at least 4’9” tall, so seat belts can fit properly
2. The leading cause of death among U.S. children under 14 is:
a. Chicken pox
b. Drowning
c. Pneumonia
d. Car crashes
3. The safest place to position a rear-facing child safety seat is:
a. In the front passenger seat, so the driver can attend to the baby
b. In the back passenger-side seat, so the driver can reach the baby, if necessary
c. Directly behind the driver, so the child doesn’t distract him or her
d. In the back middle seat, which is the safest spot in the car
4. What percentage of child safety seats are NOT installed correctly?
a. 5%
b. 35%
c. 50%
d. 75%
5. The first child safety seat came out in 1962. What year did Tennessee become the first state to enact regulations regarding child safety seat use?
a. 1966
b. 1983
c. 2002
d. 1978
6. TRUE or FALSE: Children do not need to use booster seats if they’re riding to school in car pools.
How did you do? For questions 1-5, if you got “D” for each answer, you’re on the road to keeping all the kids in your car safe. For question 6, the answer is FALSE. Whether they’re in carpools or not, children must meet Oklahoma’s restraint requirements, which state:
• All children under age 6 must be properly restrained in a child passenger seat;
• All children age 6 through age 12 must be properly restrained in either a child passenger seat or the vehicle’s seat belt system;
• Plus, although it is not yet a state law in Oklahoma, AAA recommends children age 4 up to 4’ 9” tall ride in booster seats and not be restrained by the car’s seat belts. Your car’s seat belts are designed for adults and can actually do more harm than good to a child in the event of a crash.
Place children from birth to 2 years of age in rear-facing child car seats. For children 2-to 4-years-old, use front-facing child seats. Check the height and weight limits on child safety and booster seats before moving your child to the next level. Safety experts recommend all children under 13 sit in the back seat and away from airbags. Learn more at www.aaafoundation.org.
In addition to the above, Oklahoma law also states that seat belts are required for the driver and all front seat passengers age 13 and older. Enforcement of this law is primary, which means officers can stop violators for just that one offense alone.
Stay cool; stay safe
I certainly don’t envy anyone who HAS TO be out in this heat. Just the opposite. I feel for them. It’s miserable out there.
It’s also very dangerous. When the heat is this extreme, it can take only a few moments for you to get in trouble.
Forecasters say we MAY see highs of “only” around 100 later this week. But until you see it, just hope for it. Right now, we’re looking at 110-plus.
You’ve most likely seen numerous stories in print, online, or on TV about the dangers of extreme heat and exposure to the sun. I’ve said before that if you have access to a computer, you can go to KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/SEVERE-WEATHER-OKLAHOMA for some vital information and good advice on beating the heat.
As one caller noted today, even his large box fan wasn’t helping all that much because it was just moving the hot air around and blasting him with it. That happens if the fan is in a non-shaded area or where there is no avenue to circulate cooler air.
Pay attention to heat advisory messages you hear on the radio or on TV. All news media are trying to get the word out about how to stay safe, stay hydrated and check on shut-ins and others who have need of assistance.
Meanwhile, the American Red Cross, American Red Cross, Central and Western Oklahoma Region, has put out a list of Cool Zones you can visit to stay cool during the heat.
If you or someone you know needs help, here are places you can go to. Print them off and keep them handy. They could be lifesavers.
In Oklahoma City: http://www.oge.com/community/CommunityPrograms/Documents/OGE%20Cool%20Zones%206%2015%202012.pdf
Outside the metro area: http://www.oge.com/community/CommunityPrograms/Documents/Cool%20Zones%20outside%20OKC%20area.pdf
For more help, call the Red Cross office at 228-9581.
Ideas for parents of addicted children (Part 3 of 3)
I ran across an email I had filed away several years ago and felt I should share it with you.
I am not sure who the author is and there were some of the 99 original suggestions that were no longer usable. Others needed updating, so I took the liberty to do that.
My suggestion is to read through this and pick out those suggestions you find helpful. Forget the rest.
* All change depends on a willingness to learn, to educate yourself and others.
* The disease uses three primary tools to hold you hostage. They are fear, pity and guilt. Listen carefully to your addicted child and be on guard and ready with a preplanned and appropriate communication response. One that leads your addicted child to recovery.
* Parents get in the way of their child’s recovery when they attempt to control. Asking if they are going to their meeting, how many job applications they submitted and other such inquiries only signal the child they aren’t capable. This hinders the opportunity for continued recovery.
* “Say what you mean, and mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.” You hear this in support groups and it is so true. Here’s another favorite of mine: “You don’t have to go to every battle you’re invited to.”
* One of the keys to attending support groups is they teach you how not to get drawn into the chaos that addiction creates. This is accomplished not by others giving you advice but by the readings, traditions and simply feeling the love and understanding in the room. You may get lots of support from family and friends but only those who have walked your walk can give you the comfort, peace and serenity you need.
Support groups have proven to be successful for the great majority of parents:
http://www.familiesanonymous.org/
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
http://www.codependents.org/
http://nar-anon.org/
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
http://www.mamasite.net/
Note: Call these organization and tell them what you are dealing with. This will tell you if the organization is possibly a good fit for you and other family members.
It is best to experience these meetings in person and you should attend at least six meetings before determining if this is the right place for you or not. If not, try another meeting — do not give up, keep trying.
* One of the keys to freeing yourself from your child’s chaos is to focus on your passion once again. For example, my wife always wanted to learn to paint, so she began taking lessons and she put her time and passion into this. It is therapeutic.
* Allowing “the disease” to live in your home rarely has proved to be a healthy decision.
* Bailing “the disease” out of jail sends a message to the disease that all is well. It is best to have an understanding with the disease (your child) that this will never be an option for the family.
* Paying for your child’s attorney if the charges are directly or indirectly involved with alcohol or other drugs.
* Warning: The disease will make you think you are in control. It’s a trick that it uses frequently and that is why the disease can last for decades!
* The disease takes great joy and is strengthened when you do not forgive. Forgiveness is the primary ingredient for healing and failure to deal with our anger and frustrations continues to make us “victims.” Forgiveness is for “you.”
* It rarely works when only one member of a family is in recovery.
* The great majority of families find it does not prove successful to “attempt” to have a relationship with an actively using child. It is unhealthy for everyone and never works in the long term.
* It is important to understand that to your addicted child nothing is more important than his next high. To make this clear, say you are on your death bed and only have two hours to live but your addicted child needs those two hours to score his next fix. Guess what? Your son will choose to find his drugs first.
* In reality, your child does not need a cell phone provided by you or another family member. If he needs to talk with you, he will find a phone. For every one call you receive, he will be calling his dealer 10-, 20-, 30-plus times. When you pay for his phone, you are actually helping him score his next hit, which he may just overdose on.
* It takes the average family seven years to come to the realization that its child has a “problem” with alcohol or other drugs. Then it takes an additional two years for the family to begin dealing with the addiction in an appropriate manner.
* When the opportunity arises, and it will, your family doctor can have a huge impact on your child (any age). However, few doctors are knowledgeable about the disease of addiction and even if they have had some training they are unlikely to feel comfortable mentioning abuse of alcohol or other drugs.
Call the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) at (301) 656-3920 (email@asam.org) and ask for membership assistance. Society members can help you locate the right doctor.
Doctors can play a key role in both formal and informal interventions. They can write letters to the courts and/or treatment programs, do drug tests etc.
If you still can’t locate the right doctor, then ask your doctor to review “The Physicians Guide to Helping Patients with Alcohol Problems.” This is a good guide, regardless of the drug involved.
* Here’s a tip from a mom: “If you know you are going to have a ‘difficult’ conversation with your child (any age), take them to a restaurant or other public place.”
* If you are going to drug test your child, it is wise to find a professional company. Professionals can provide you with accurate information and answer your questions about drug testing before going to a local drug store and buying a drug-testing kit off the shelf.
* If your child has a mental illness and addiction, you will gain great insight in reading the book, “At Wit’s End” by Jeff Jay and Jerry A. Boriskin, Ph.D.
* It has been proven that the most success in creating a relapse agreement is one that has been reviewed by a professional alcohol/drug counselor.
You might find it helpful to review this Web site: http://www.tgorski.com/. The author is an expert on relapse and has excellent resources and educational material for you and other family members.
Note: It is estimated that 50 percent will relapse during the first 90 days after treatment.
* “Drugs alter thinking; Thinking controls behaviors; Behaviors determine habits; Habits determine character; Character determines destiny.” “As a result of their addiction, our addicts are incapable of having intimate, lasting relationships. It is not that they are willfully acting badly toward us, they are being driven by the disease.” — Unknown author.
* Here is information that may be of help, review the cycle of acceptance at http://www.thwink.org/sustain/glossary/CycleOfAcceptance2.gif
* “Four Quadrant Problem Solving Aid”: It works like this, (1) draw a vertical line down the middle of a page, (2) in the center of the page draw a horizontal line across the page. In the upper left quadrant you will list all anticipated positive outcomes for taking the proposed action on the issue being considered. Now, in the lower left quadrant you will list all the anticipated outcomes for “NOT” taking the proposed action on the issue being considered. In the upper right quadrant you list all the anticipated negative outcomes in taking the action. Now, in the lower right you will list all the anticipated negative consequences for “NOT” taking the action. — “Four Quadrant Problem Solving Aid,” October 2010,Counselor magazine, by Robert Proehl, CADC
* “Don’t do for them what they can do for themselves.” A common saying from counselors.
* Tell your child you love him whenever possible but the only support you can give is the support that leads to recovery.
* Accept Christ as your Lord and Savior. You may find the “Life Recovery Bible” very helpful for your child’s recovery and that of the family.
* It is best, before confronting your child about his/her substance abuse, to first visit with your spouse and come to some common agreements then visit with a alcohol/drug counselor. If you don’t do this, then a desirable outcome is less likely.
* Where your child goes to treatment is not near as important as the willingness to change.
* Please review the “Stages of Change Model” at http://bit.ly/eVKOiS. Watch the short video at the end of article first, for an overview.
* Blogs I recommend:
http://dadonfire.net/
http://libbycataldi.com/blog
http://journeyofrecoverysearchforserenity.blogspot.com/
http://www.addictionprofiler.blogspot.com/
* Warning: when you are on various blogs written by parent(s) and you review comments made by their followers, make sure you investigate what you are reading. The majority of blogs I have read by parents, the writers appear not to be very well educated in addiction. Many do not see a counselor on a regular basis, do not attend any 12-step groups or have a sponsor. Their information is unreliable.
* Memorials:
http://sara-corbett.memory-of.com/About.aspx
http://www.joshjoseph.com/
http://www.dying2gethigh.com/
http://www.fortunecity.com/millenium/lassie/286
http://mark-bauer.virtual-memorials.com/
http://members.fortunecity.com/davidhall23/
* How to find the comfort you need to proceed, to succeed? Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-5.
Ideas for parents of addicted children (Part 2 of 3)
I ran across an email I had filed away several years ago and felt I should share it with you.
I am not sure who the author is and there were some of the 99 original suggestions that were no longer usable. Others needed updating, so I took the liberty to do that.
My suggestion is to read through this and pick out those suggestions you find helpful. Forget the rest.
* It is vital to have a supportive relapse plan.
*Your Addicted child knows how to live in his/her addiction. They will never go without food and water. There will always be shelter available. There will be medical and dental attention whenever they choose to seek help. There will always be a phone for them to call you. They do not need any help.
* The craving an addict has is not a choice, a “want,” but a very real physical “need.” It develops through changes in the network of cells that have been changed due to the damage the chemical(s) have created over the time of usage.
* A generally accepted statement, “Wherever your child gets clean is where he should stay.”
* Do your best to always remain teachable.
* Society does not understand addiction. Do not expect them to ever understand.
* “Let go, Let God.” This means that you must learn what you are powerless to change. It means to start working on yourself because you are the only person you can change and change is necessary. “He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator.” Francis Bacon
* Interventions, both formal and informal, is your opportunity to “challenge” the disease of addiction. Ask yourself, “If I was the diseased family member what would I want my family to do to help me seek recovery?” You will likely find that you have much more leverage than you think!
*It is a statistical fact that Addicts who are not “active” and stay “active” in a recovery program will eventually relapse.
* Addiction is a brain disease and in order for it to survive it must create new realities for itself. The disease convinces itself that it always has more time than it does. It is a disease that tells the individual he does not have a disease. He will believe he is always in control regardless of the consequences he has had in the past or is presently faced with.
* Research studies have confirmed that a child addicted to heroin can not use a “different” drug believing he can do it responsibly. A “different” drug includes wine, beer, alcohol, prescription meds and marijuana.
* “First our child becomes addicted and then we become addicted to our child” George R. Ross, author. To understand enabling and codependent behavior read the butterfly story at: http://www.hawaiiswim.org/business/TheButterfly/TheButterfly.html
* You must understand that addicts are just as confused due to their distorted thought processes as their family is.
* The more intelligent and/or intellectual the addict, the more difficult for him to understand addiction.
* The majority of addicts want instant recovery and only those willing to wait will maintain long term recovery.
* Never miss an opportunity to tell the addict the positives, how well they are doing in their recovery. Building pride and self-esteem is very important in the recovery process. Many addicts will make great strides in their recovery and then “sabotage” all their successes. The addict, in his addictive thinking, feels like all his success aren’t “real” and he will not make it, just like all the other times he has tried and failed in recovery. Never believe any “promise” the addict makes as it is only an “escape” plan.
* Some parents, as well as their addicted child, resent the 12 steps due to the first step of accepting one’s powerlessness but unless the addict admits (accepts) his powerlessness recovery will not be possible.
* The biggest problem for our addicted children is once they have success in recovery they begin to be depressed because they are not experiencing the joy, happiness, excitement, contentment, pleasure that they were expecting. His reality of life is far removed and depression is to be expected during this period of recovery. The addict has to wait this period out. What might be helpful to understand the phase is to understand PAWS, “Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome” at http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
* It has proven to be the most successful in the long run if you allow your child to experience the “natural consequences” of their actions. It is best not to intervene and/or create the consequences.
* Any change that is possible for your addicted child will first begin when you and other family members accept recovery. It is here that you discover how and why the addict thinks the way he does. Now you have the protection you have been lacking so not to be conned by the disease of addiction.
* Unfortunately, only an estimated 35 percent of parents follow through with what their alcohol/drug counselor recommends.
* “We will be at the most peace when we grieve the loss of hopes and dreams about the past or hoped for relationship with our addicted child. This process of grieving is necessary so that each of the family members can accept our individual powerlessness over our child’s life; only when acceptance has been accomplished can we stop enabling, stop the fear and “Let go and let God.” Parent Post
* Many parents believe that their child’s problem is due to him hanging out with the wrong crowd. We later find that it is our child who is actually “the wrong crowd.”
* It is naive to believe that sending your addicted child away to live with his Dad or any other relative/friend will “fix” him. It won’t happen.
* Please avoid entering into any type of “negotiations” with your addicted child.
* Finding your child a job sounds like a loving act on your part but it works against his recovery.
* This is very difficult to do or accept but the parent’s primary focus should be on detaching both physically and emotionally from your addicted child. It is the most loving thing you can do for both of you. This is the most important step in everyone’s recovery. See Ephesians 6:10-18
* You will likely find that a “Mastermind Group” will be priceless in helping you understand the process of change. These are individuals who know you and/or understand the disease of addiction. They are “your team” so ask for their prospective when dealing with difficult issues.
* Recovery didn’t show up late, you are just too early.
* What you need is high quality G.A.S. (Good Action Steps)
* In order to establish “understanding” in setting your boundaries there must be a solid foundation of respect and honesty with all members of the family. Failure is likely when you “surprise” others with your boundaries. It has proven to be successful when you allow all members of your “family agreement” a say in the final draft. There may be times when boundaries become flexible but there should never be an “escape” clause.
* Spirituality is key to recovery but far too many recovery attempts are sabotaged because the person has preconceived notions about God. These “notions” come from numerous sources but the key is to cleanse the mind of all such clutter and develop a one on one relationship with God void of others opinions and/or beliefs. Come to God with a willingness and a pure heart for change and you will receive recovery. It is a “personal” relationship with God, no one else is necessary!
