Do you really need a professional counselor?
I always had been able to guide my children’s decisions with appropriate boundaries and discipline. However, when substance abuse was involved, my parenting skills were ill equipped to effect change.
It would take seven years before my personal pain and suffering reached an unbearable point in which I had no other choice but to seek outside help.
I later would learn that parents of addicted children take an average of seven years before they seek professional help, then another two years before they fully accept, and therefore adopt, the necessary change the professional has suggested.
When I entered my first counseling session, I was overwhelmed by fear and didn’t truly believe anyone could help me. However, I left my first meeting feeling good about my self.
I was so relieved to learn that my deepest fears were very likely unfounded and that addiction was not the result of my poor parenting abilities. I found that I had done nothing wrong!
My counselor’s years of experience and education helped me form a new and stronger family foundation — one that strengthened my marriage as well as my relationship with my child.
The counselor told me how to locate the best parent support groups and what to expect from each one. She also indicated what would be expected of me.
I learned to trust her and to set my priority of making the changes she suggested.
Addiction is truly a baffling disease and there is no way I had any chance of restoring my own sense of peace and serenity without professional guidance.
Oklahoma: A state of many cultures
Oklahomans honestly can say that theirs is a state of cultural diversity. This states has become home to representatives of many — if not most — of the known cultures of the world.
It’s a state of many colors, and not just in the landscape. Through education, occupational opportunities, military assignments, personal relocation, or other reasons, Oklahoma has gained residents from all the continents, according to U.S. Census Bureau statistics.
We may not be the largest state, but we certainly have diversification in our numbers.
The traditions of other cultures have produced some of Oklahoma’s best-attended events, ranging from festivals to re-enactments, from annual reunions to competitions.
The clothing, the music, the food and the games of these cultures comes to life in numerous community events during an average year.
There is history, there is progress, there is future to be explored.
You can learn more about what cultural events are planned for Oklahoma by going to wimgo.com or by looking at the material in KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/CULTURE.
You also can discover what is located within Oklahoma’s six tourism and recreation areas by going to KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/TRAVEL-TIPS.
Enjoy the journey.
Where do you start and end?
At the Edmond chapter meeting of Parents Helping Parents, we received an exceptional presentation on boundaries by Patty Gail Patten, M.S., LPC, LADC, LMFT.
I believe that every parent who attended left the meeting with a better understanding on how to adopt appropriate boundaries, which will lead to a positive change for all family members.
Patty Gail said: “The best relationship advice includes recommending behaviors that consider boundaries. The worst and most damaging relationship advice denies considering boundaries.
“When (you are) faced with a relationship problem, no relationship advice can be helpful without a determination of your personal responsibility to identify where you start and end, and where the other person starts and ends. Just as an owner of real estate may be angry to have someone trespass on land that is owned, we become angry and hurt when another person trespasses on our personal boundaries.
“If we do not know what they are, we cannot respect others’ boundaries and cannot enforce our own. This can be one reason for us to have very destructive and dysfunctional relationships.”
Depression, co-dependency, anxiety and many other conditions can improve by becoming aware of and enforcing our personal boundaries.
Patty Gail conducts workshops on boundaries and related relationship issues. I have attended one of her workshops and highly recommend it.
Her next workshop will be April 21 at her office located at 1700 W Britton Road in Oklahoma City. If you would like more information contact her at 818-1585, or on her cell at (918) 284-0733.
The new breed of the construction worker
When you think of the downtown street construction worker, does the kind of dirty wolf whistling at the ladies stereotype pop into your head?
Well that was yesterday. Today, the street construction worker will barely look at a woman … I know! Good news, bad news? Of course, good news.
They’re actually polite, respectful, and working their butts off! They barely have time to look up and whistle. The only whistling they do is to each other to get their attention for assistance.
I’m working in the middle of the Project 180 construction, right by the Civic Center, Oklahoma City Museum of Art and City Hall. I can be real patient with construction because I’ve learned it will be over with before you know it and that sometimes you have to get through a lot of ugly to get pretty. So I try to show respect back to the worker.
I’ve seen people yell at them. I hate that! Maybe that’s not the person you should be yelling at … you yeller.
One thing I kid them about is saying things like, “Are you guys almost done with this?” When clearly, they are not! They look at me like, “Are you craz?”y and I give them this look that says “I’m so kidding you, silly!”
I’ve seen them very concerned when a “downtown dummy” is going the wrong way down a one-way. It really upsets them. They want to help them. I’ve learned from the many years downtown, a downtown dummy will quickly learn they’re going the wrong way. Hey! I’ve been there.
Currently, they are replacing sewage pipes down Walker between Main and Robert S. Kerr. They dig way down deep. The deepness into the street kind of freaks me out. So I like to bend a little bit and look down the hole and go, “Whoa!”
I look at the dirt as a part of history — is that dirt from 1889?? The construction workers humor me. One time they let me look down into the sewage tunnel — you know, the kind where super heroes nemesis live? Freaky!
For spring break, the Oklahoma City Museum of Art held its art camps. The instructor for the class with ages 8-10 decided to take the kids outside and have them sketch the construction of Hudson at Couch and also the new Devon tower. Little did they know it would be AWESOMENESS!!!
They happened to be demolishing Hudson that day. The kids with their sketching pads proceeded to draw what they were seeing then — the cranes lifted up, then hammered down on the concrete breaking it apart. The kids started chanting ‘Tear it up! Tear it up!”
The construction workers were laughing. One even talked to the teacher, asking about the students. He said he was an artist himself! That was an exciting day for the kids … and me too. I totally get why little boys love those toy tractor, crane-type trucks. I would love to handle one — just once … just the little one.
In a world where business people are teamed with construction crews, it’s nice to just all get along. Respect each others’ jobs. The mess will go away, flowers and green grass will come back. The jarring of your office will stop. And while you’re looking out your office window, you’ll think, “Wonder what their next project will be?”
Here’s a video of the kids screaming “Tear it up!” It’s very short because I thought I was taking a photo. (New iPad dummy here)
Here, I’m taking a photo of their finished sketches but I actually took a two second video
This is the deep ditch being dug on Walker at Robert S. Kerr
It’s sniff and snort time for those of us with allergies
Pardon my sniff. Sorry about the snort. It may annoy you, but it isn’t the most enjoyable thing for me either.
Since I was a boy (and that’s been a while), I’ve had to deal with allergies and a sinus condition. Not that it’s ever any fun, come this time of year, it’s downright unpleasant.
Yes, I’ve been to medical experts. Yes, I’ve been tested for allergic reactions. Yes, I’ve used an inhaler. Yes, I’ve taken other prescribed medicines. And, yes, I still have sniffles.
I try not to sniff, but it’s just all but impossible. I’ve been told that it’s as much habit as need to sniff. Doesn’t feel that way on my end of the sniff, I can tell you. It helps me breathe when the sinus and allergies kick in.
I try to limit the snorts as much as possible because they can be rather embarrassing if they occur at the wrong time. As in, loud. It’s not like a laugher’s snort. You’d just have to hear it to understand.
When I read that this is expected to be an extremely bad season for allergy sufferers, I just thought about those who have severe respiratory problems during this time. It’s most uncomfortable, and it can be dangerous.
Try holding your finger on one side of your nose and using only one nostril to breathe. After you do so, maybe you’ll appreciate the breathing problems those with allergies and other such situations face. And maybe my little sniffs (and snorts) will be more acceptable.
I promise I’ll try to limit them. Just bear with me. It’s not fun for me either.
To learn more about allergies and how to cope with them, read reports on NewsOK and in KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/FLU-PNEUMONIA-ALLERGIES-OKLAHOMA.
Village street flooding goes back and continues
I live in the Village, Oklahoma. It’s a small municipality located within northwest Oklahoma City around May, Penn, Hefner, Britton. It was raining recently while I was driving down Britton east to Broadway extension. Water was lining up in the streets. I drove right through it. I had no other choice. The water drenched my car to the point where I could not see anything for a few seconds. It was kind of scary but it was only seconds. I was by the infamous drainage ditch by Village Drive, aka: The Village River to locals. It made me wonder, why is the Village prone to street flooding. I went into their history records. It’s a bit storied but not uncommon with new developments – new, as in 1950s new. Picking up in the mid-1950s, here’s a portion from the Village, OK History web page, chapter 13:
As the town (the Village) grew, drainage started to become more and more of a problem. The developers being in total control of the town government from the very outset had not been required to invest in the necessary infrastructure to handle the storm run off. The problem was only exacerbated as more and more neighborhoods continued to spring up. Before long the worsening situation garnered the attention of community leaders including Kenneth Sain who served on the Planning Commission and later as Mayor of the town. Sain initiated a campaign to begin educating his colleagues about the serious drainage problem that existed at Village Drive and Stratford. Sain’s efforts eventually led to a bond issue to address the serious drainage problem as well as other needs of the community. Much to Sain’s dismay, the proposed drainage improvements were not well received by the community and critics loudly ridiculed the plan referring to it disdainfully as “Sain’s Drain”. When the matter finally came to a vote in May of ’54 it, not surprisingly, went down to defeat. The stunning setback would delay further efforts to address this chronic drainage problem until the late ‘50’s.
In October of 1959 a group of citizens descended upon the Council to demand action by the Council to begin addressing the chronic drainage problems along Village Drive. In response to the public outcry, the Council commissioned Phillips & Stong Engineering Company to do a cost study. Their report came back in December. The Council, apparently going numb upon hearing the figures, put the proposed improvements on ice one more time.
By the mid 60’s, the drainage issue would resurface again in a big way. A petition containing the signatures of 122 residents was presented to the Council in September, 1966. Residents again demanded action. Evert Stong, now the City Engineer, was directed by the Council to provide new cost estimates. It might have seemed like déjà vu to some, but this time things were different and the Council was in a position both politically and financially to deliver the goods. Bids were sought the following spring and the first section of the channel south of Britton Road was finally completed in 1967. This initial accomplishment, however modest, set in motion a series of channel improvements which spanned a period of 22 years and culminated in 1989 with the completion of the last section of the channel between Vineyard Blvd and Hefner Road.
For many years the so-called “Village Ditch” provided a habitat for crawdads, snakes and other vermin and, most certainly, was a delight for many a young naturalists. Yet, before the improvements were made, serious flooding occurred along the banks of the ditch from time to time causing considerable
property damage and sometimes endangering lives.
FLOODS / CITY / 1977 / WATER / FLOODWATERS: Man on car during flooding on Pennsylvania Avenue just south of Hefner. (Photo entered library 05/21/1977). Staff Photo by Todd James, The Daily Oklahoman
During one notable torrential downpour in 1977, water poured across Pennsylvania Avenue from Casady School and flowed down Dublin toward Village Drive. There the stream converged with a torrent of water flowing down Stratford Drive. The ditch quickly overflowed its banks. The resulting deluge washed parked cars off Village Drive into the unimproved channel carrying them down the channel all the way to the bridge at the south end of the Whispering Hills Apartments. Police Officer Jim Wingert was on duty that day and remembers the raging torrent reaching the doorsteps of homes on Village Drive.
“A female motorist trying to cross the channel at Carlton Way was literallyswept into the channel. She somehow got out of the car and was pulled to safety by nearby onlookers. As the water receded, I remember being amazed as the subsiding waters revealed five submerged cars that had been washed up against the bridge, “ said Wingert.
Flooding continues to be a problem today in parts of The Village despite extensive improvements that have been made over the years. End//
So there you have it! For more on the Village, OK, click here.
And just today, I managed to shoot this from my car on my iPad.
Unique opportunity for parents
The Families Anonymous organization has a priceless Emeeting for parents of addicted children.
This organization is specifically tailored for parents’ who are dealing with an addicted child.
You simply read the stories and/or questions parent’s summit, then read the excellent responses they get from the more experienced members.
E-Meeting Instructions
The Emeeting is an email (LISTSERV-styled) discussion group. It is the largest and most active group in the fellowship consisting of more than 500 members. It is available to the members 24 hours a day /seven days a week.
Members of the group hail from all over the world and share their Experience, Strength and Hope by typing their message to the list. The Emeeting averages more than 2,000 email messages per month.
One Important Note: many members choose to open a separate email account to keep this separate from their private email There are many free accounts you can open for this purpose
Those looking to subscribe to the Emeeting can do so by sending a “BLANK” email (nothing in the subject line or body of the text) to: TABW-On@mail-list.com.
You will then receive a confirmation email from the server that you must “REPLY” to without
How honest are you on your resume?
The Associated Press reported Wednesday that a recent study found people who use the professional network LinkedIn are less likely to lie about big things on resumes they post there, as compared with traditional resumes.
People want to make themselves look better and the study says websites lead to greater honesty in some areas. When it comes to job responsibilities and years of experience, for instance, it’s easier to verify those points publicly online, the research group said.
But when it comes to other areas, such as personal interests, people “still found ways to make themselves look better,” said Jamie Guillory, a graduate student and lead author of the study.
As the study noted, it’s more difficult to check out someone’s claims to be involved in hobbies and interests.
Here’s another interesting point the study found: Overall, The AP reported, “lies were common no matter what resume format people used. On average, the study’s participants, all college students, lied nearly three times in their profile. About 92 percent of the participants lied at least once and the highest number of lies they told was eight. But Guillory said these were not so much ‘outright lies,’ such as making up false information, but more like exaggerations or leaving things out.”
Learn more about this study by going to http://tinyurl.com/82wvj5h and more about how to properly prepare a resume by reading Samantha Nolan’s Dear Sam column in KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/CAREERS-OKLAHOMA.
Stuck on ‘up’
Have you noticed how so many things are on the rise these days? We definitely seem to be in an increase mode.
Start with the weather. Here it is mid-March and we’re experiencing temperatures you would expect in late spring or early summer. Pushing — or passing — 80 degrees. We’ve seen little of the normal winter weather conditions, such as snow or bitter-cold temperatures.
I’m not complaining, you understand. Last year’s January-February snow created some significant problems and I’m happy we didn’t have the same this year. Could this be a start to an extremely hot summer?
So with warmer weather, many people feel like doing a little traveling. But current economic conditions may cause them to do a little thinking before setting out. The increase continues at the gas pump and it doesn’t appear to be slowing.
Many times recently I’ve had to make a trip to a pharmacy, a grocery store, or another such location, only to find on my return that the price board at the filling station has new, higher numbers than were there when I first passed by it. And if you dream that you saw a big jump at the pump, it might be more true than you think. Jumps of a dime or more overnight have not been unusual.
With higher gas prices come higher costs for many other items, such as many of our food products. The experts remind us that the costs of many items are “connected” through transportation expenses. That’s one reason alternative fuels are a hot topic.
If you’re a cable TV subscriber, you may have seen an increase in your bill recently. Someone has to pay for all those major technological breakthroughs and excellent service. Right? Paying more to hear experts say you’re paying more.
As an aside here, you might ask that if you pay less, do you hear less of such expertise? The answer is “yes,” but only because you will lose your service when it’s disconnected.
I mentioned the pharmacy. There actually have been some moves to reduce costs for some prescriptions. In some instances, there have been major moves resulting in substantial reductions in cost. Generic medicines have spurred some strong competition.
Obviously, these and many other price increases hitting at the same time put a strain on our personal finances. We realize prices do go up over time, but how much and how soon they do has a great effect on our lives.
Meanwhile, we’ll have to do some comparative shopping. And you can check out the experts in KNOWIT.NEWSOK.COM/MONEY-OKLAHOMA for information on how to reduce the effects of price increases. They just might save you a few bucks.
How do I stay strong?
I want to share with you an email I received from a mom who responded to my question of how she is able to stay strong when dealing with the constant insanity and heartbreak of an addicted daughter.
“How did I get so strong? I suppose from paying the dues that come from loving an addict. Learning the definition of insanity … Expecting different results from the same actions. Seeking help from wonderful mentors such as yourself. Reading, Googling, talking, walking the floors, crying, forgiving, and most importantly of course praying. Like I’ve never prayed before. For my child, our family and families like yours.
“It seems so clear to me now, somehow. she will have to save herself. She desperately needs to be humbled. That won’t happen if I am not strong. I haven’t abandoned her. I have put her in touch with everything she needs to fight her battle. She has to reach out and embrace it. I’m praying she, and your son both, will reach out accept the help that is available to them.”
My prayer is for all parents to find that which makes them strong.
