THOUGHTS ON SUMMER

Here’s some pointers for  staying on the cutting edge of summer while you’re lazing around the pool, lake, ocean – or wading pool, playing golf or just vegetating in the sun.

First, life in the sun is not all Bain de Soleil and thongs (shoes, that is). You think you’re ready for summer - the kids are signed up for swimming classes, you’ve found the perfect swim suit cover- up and your husband is so happy with the new putter you bought him he’s sleeping with it.

But, there are other things to worry about. Sunglasses, for instance. Did you know that the size and shape of sunglasses can determine your age? (Bet you thought it was the laugh lines.) The older the person the larger the glasses. College kids wear narrow, horizontal wrap-arounds, baby boomers are still wearing designer knockoffs and the “older male generation,” shade their eyes with large aviator glasses. Bottom line, it’s not how you view the world, but what you view it through. (read that line again, it’s so clever)

Clothes can trip you up too. Baby boomers add long-sleeve open shirts to their tops, wear baseball hats to restaurants and open-toe sandals. The “more mature” wear shirts down to their knees, sneakers, fanny pouches and nothing tucked into their waist bands.  College kids - well - they wear less of everything  – with very little underneath.

However, summer attire is not everything. A certain panche is necessary if you really want to look “cool.” (no pun intended) So, DON’T GO ANYWHERE WITH OUT A BOTTLE OF WATER. Never mind whether you drink it, just have it in hand.

Outdoor cook-outs can be a challenge too. Only the gauche fire up the charcoal and throw burgers on the grill.  Even smoked turkey is beginning to get a little ho-hum. Try marinated grouper or quail cooked over pinion wood  if you want to run with the cookout elites.  ’Course no one eats what they cook, but it makes for good conversation, and they rarely ever burn it.

Finally, don’t head for the pool without checking this list:

1. Speedos are not designed for men over the age of five.

2. Bathing caps are made to fit the heads of aliens.

3. Swimsuit skirts float on top of the water.

4. Socks with swim attire do not make the man.

5. Thong swim suits chafe.

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