OUTDOOR SPORTSMEN AREN’T ALL THAT SPORTY

Yes, they are out there and if you are married to one you know where I’m coming from.

If the weather is “right”  these fellas take off  for”Backlash Swamp”,  pulling a boat with out an outboard motor.  They have a tackle box full of feathered lures and fish hooks and are wearing caps with a fishing license taped to the brim.  Or, when deer season opens,  they gun their SUVs  in the direction of “Broken Antler Pass,” with the straps to their orange vest flapping out the rear door, a Coleman lap bouncing in the back seat and a week’s supply of beans, canned Spam and long underwear stashed in the back.

And talk about dumb luck…(no pun intended) 

When they return from a deer drive empty-handed, it’s only because:

1. The deer were down low looking for food and I was  up too high. (looking for?)

2. The deer weren’t eating, they were up too high and I was down too low. (to the ground…in the mouth?)

3.I saw a 9-point buck but he turned out to be a doe and I felt sorry for it.

4. The only deer I saw leaped over me before I could raise my gun.

5. I had one in my gunsight but I got so excited my glasses steamed over. (this has always been a problem for men) 

6. My socks  froze. 

7. The altitude made me short of breath. (the point being…)

8.I shot one but we couldn’t find him.(I rest my case)

Then when they go on a fishing trip, darned if the fish don’t do it to them too.

1. I used the wrong bait, they were only biting on bent nails and ripe olives.

2. The only ones I caught were babies. (i.e. his minnow bait)

3. Too many people were fishing in our spot.

4. It was too windy. (blew the bait off the hook?)

5. I caught my line on a floating log and spent the afternoon trying to reel it in. (the log?)

6. The water level was either too low, too high, too calm or too choppy.

7. Our bait had gone bad. (from worse?)

8. I threw my line out and forgot and let go!

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