CHRISTMAS PAST

Something about the holiday season brings out the nostalgic. We go back in time and long for the old-fashioned Christmases which were before our time but sounded so wonderful. You know the ones–chestnuts roasting on an open fire (which, Lord knows I wouldn’t eat no matter what they were roasted on,) goodies on the groaning board, frozen carolers singing in the snow and stacks of gifts resting under a freshly-cut towering Christmas tree.

Before you get too carried away, let me take you back and reiterate what an old-fashioned Christmas would really be like.

Just run down this check list and see if you really want to go there.

1.  Buy a goose instead of  a turkey, preferably a live one. Tie him to the lawn mower in the garage and fatten him on corn. Name him Snowball and instruct your teenage son to clean up after him.

2.  Spend six cold hours tromping through the woods looking for the perfect Christmas tree to chop down. Choose a 15- footer and pull it home on a sled for three miles.

3. Give your hair stylist and manicurist a shiny dime for Christmas  and watch the look of wonder on their faces.

4. Bake all the goodies for the groaning board.

5. Organize a taffy pull. Watch it stick to the carpet, the cat and Snowball who has now moved inside and become a family pet.

6. Attempt to wrap a stack of festive-looking gifts without Scotch tape.

7. Turn off the furnace and build a fire in the fireplace. Watch everyone turn blue with cold and the bathroom pipes freeze solid by Christmas morning.

8. Let Santa Claus bring the children a pair of handknit mittens, two oranges and a whistle.

HO, HO, HO!

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