IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT COUNT IN A WEDDING-MINTS, NUTS AND THE MOTHER-OF-THE-BRIDE
Hello, glad you stopped by. Since June and July are traditionally the months for weddings, here is a tongue-in-cheek account of one of my daughter’s weddings. Just funning you, but it could have happened this way.
Nothing is more leftover the day after a wedding than the mother-of-the bride. It’s easy to throw away the stale nuts, freeze the leftover cake and take the out-of-town guests to the airport. But what do you do with the bride’s mother?
It was difficult for me to accept that I wouldn’t be needed on the honeymoon since I had been organizing everybody and everything since the day after my daughter’s engagement was announced.
By the first afternoon I had the minister, organist, vocalist and size of the boutonnieres nailed down. I then reserved the church, the club, florist, baby’s breath, mints and corsage pints. The only thing I failed to get an estimate on was the rice for the net bags.
I began keeping a card file in a shoe box for the guest list. I carried it under my arm everywhere I went. If I ran into anyone in the grocery store or parking lot who spoke to me, I quickly flipped the top off my 6 1/2 AA box and made a note of the name. That way we scored extra points for the bride’s side, managing to produce a list longer than the groom’s.
Things really began to get tricky when I had to come up with an estimated number of people who might come, should come, probably wouldn’t come, or, on second thought, might come after all, to the wedding reception.
Desperate, I worked out a foolproof number. I divided the number of invitations mailed by half; to each hundred I added the bride’s age and rounded it off to the nearest twenty-five. From this I subtracted the total. Worked like a charm.
I bought a stunning mother-of-the-bride dress embellished with plumes, seed pearls and a built-in bra, and a simple little white bridal gown for my daughter. I then sent over a sealed envelope to the groom’s mother with my dress color enclosed and instructions for her to choose a becoming shade of beige. (I might add here that it is important to stay in control. If you let your guard down for a minute, the groom’s mother will be walking down the aisle in a red dress and her sister’s twins wil be upstaging the bride.)
The bridal parties almost proved to be my undoing. I became haggard and preoccupied trying to remember who all our friends were so I’d have enough guest names to attend all the parties. I had to include the car pool mothers since first grade and throw in my dentist’s receptionist before I came up with a respectable number. Some of them were less than, respectable that is, but you do the best you can with what you have.
At this point I began to get so uptight I went to one luncheon and forgot and left the bride home. It only happened the one time. It wasn’t the kind of mistake you care to make twice. Bridal hysteria is deafening.
Painstakingly I block-printed all the wedding information for the newspaper. When it appeared in print the shower hostesses were listed as bridesmaids and the groom’s father as an out-of-town guest.
About this time I began to get hung up on little things, like, how long the ribbon should be on the bouquets, what color pens to use for the guest book and whether or not to weary tummy control panty hose.
By the time I got all this resolved, I began to zone out. I’d find myself in the grocery store standing before the produce counter for an hour, unable to decide on a head of lettuce. Customers complained, so the manager finally picked one up and dropped it in my basket. I was so grateful I wept. I sent him an invitation too.
Deciding on the quantity of servings for the reception is a mind boggler. The burning question is – are they punch or champagne drinkers? About a fourth of the guests skip the receiving line and head straight for the finger sandwiches and punch, then whine when they have to wait for the wedding cake to be cut. The other three-fourths stand around hacking a 50 lb. block of cheese to death while guzzling champagne. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the first group doesn’t catch on to what the other three-fourths are drinking. Usually this slow group is from the groom’s side of the family.
When the wedding day finally arrived, it did not go exactly as planned, or even wildly imagined.
The florist called at noon and asked if we wanted to use candles in the candelabras because she was running short, the organist called at 5:30 p.m. and said she had broken her toe but not to worry she would fake the footwork. Then the custodian reported there was a leak in the roof and asked what color drip buckets should he use.
An hour before the wedding the bride took the rollers out of her hair and ONE SIDE DIDN’T CURL!
But, the wedding was lovely and every minute of it was documented thanks to a very expensive photographer, who, by the way, was a piece of work. This man took a picture of everyone he could get to stand upright. He even got a group picture of the minister, florist, organist and custodian.
The only thing he missed was the bride’s father scribbling on his cuff. The man was frantically dividing the wedding costs by the number of minutes the ceremony lasted. As if that mattered.
Dan Dedonne, Christy Counts, Don Bobzien and Steve Bentley play in the Central Oklahoma Humane Society benefit tourney.
The Central Oklahoma Humane Society Golf Tournament was played at Quail Creek Golf and Country Club. More than a hundred golf enthusists and animal lovers participated. Lunch was served both days of play and an awards dinner was held at the conclusion of the tournament.
Christy Counts is Executive Director, Don Bobzien is a board member and Steve Bentley is board president. Don Ledonne was one of many volunteers who played in the golf tournament.
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Such a complicated formula for estimating attendance. And we think algebra doesn’t apply to real life! Who knew a wedding was a competition? (Obviously I’m male.) Now in the group picture of the minister, florist, organist and custodian below the column, which is which?