JOEL DAVID NewsOK.com Blogging Community

So here’s how this works.

I have worked for AT&T for 14 years. I have not really enjoyed any part of it. At all. That being said, the paycheck is nice and the benefits are good.

I had my 27th surgery Friday, April 4th, for a condition I’ve had since August of 2006. Same condition. I’ve had to file for short term disability twice. The second time, since all of my FMLA was used up, I was told I would be “let go” if I had to go out for surgery again. I’ve had surgery over four times this year and prior to last Friday’s, I’ve used my vacation time and against doctor’s wishes, gone into work despite the open, draining, and painful wounds. Since this last Friday was my second surgery in a week I filed for short term disability, which I am eligible for.

Or so I thought.

I received a certified letter in the mail advising me I was on suspension, with no reason given. I thought it was perhaps a formality. Today I receive a phone call advising me I will not be receiving short term disability benefits as I am on suspension. This means, at the moment, I have no income, because I went out for surgery for a condition I’ve had for two years.

Thanks AT&T.

Keep in mind the bills keep coming, I’ve got no savings and nothing to fall back on. That job was my financial lifeline, no matter how much I hated it, and now it’s gone because I had surgery. Sure it’s because I violated the attendance policy, but I had no choice.

Why am I writing this? Well, because maybe someone will listen. Maybe someone will realize it’s wrong to persecute someone who has a medical condition they have no control over. Maybe someone will help me out somehow. I don’t know.

It’s incredible what’s happening to me. Not incredible in a good way either. I don’t what I’m going to do. This is probably the best thing to happen to me in the long term, but right now?

I’m at a loss. Nothing a $20k loan and a job wouldn’t fix.

- Joel

I am obsessed with the life of Mickey Rooney and why it has lasted as long as it has. Whenever a celebrity death is announced I’m sure The Roon can’t be far behind, because it always happens in 3’s. With the recent passing of my friend Charlton Heston, The Roon better be careful over the next few days.

He’s been alive for 31,973 days as of this writing. That’s longer than John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Steve McQueen. I’d trade a Lennon for a Roon.

Sorry Mickey.

- Joel

I’m a huge fan of the show “CHiP’s”. I waited for years for that show to finally be on DVD. Season 1 was released on DVD last year, the week of my birthday, and season 2 will be released this year, same week. That show was like a god to me growing me up.

When I was a kid I had the Ponch and Jon action figures. We lived in L.A. and my dad would drive us by the police station where the exterior shots were filmed. I used to think I could see Ponch and Jon. I couldn’t. I was 6 with an overactive imagination.

I have a wall of autographs. On this wall are autographs from President Bill Clinton, The Flaming Lips and Bob Barker. I even have a Chuck Norris autograph my dad got for me. I have to keep it encased in bullet proof glass lest the powers of the Chuck release themselves and wreak havoc on all mankind. See……..

There are many autographs I seek but one has eluded me for some time. This is an autograph from a one Mr. Erik Estrada. He used to sell autographs on his website but for reasons known only him, he no longer does. According to his site he also returns e-mails and letters. Well, according to my experience, this is not true. What’s the deal Ponch?

I’m already in the process of getting Larry Wilcox’s autograph but the Ponch effort has stalled.

All I want is an autograph from Erik Estrada. Well, two, since my friend Jason is a big fan too.

That would be Ponchtastic.

I’m not kidding.

- Joel

“When I die, can you please make sure the news services use a picture of me that captured my dignity and class? There have been thousands of pictures taken of me so just pick the one that shows me in my best light. Preferably not one of me in a loin cloth laughing at a tiny ape.”

“Sure Mr. Heston. No problem.”

- Joel

I once spoke with Charlton Heston. He was calling into a local radio show I produced for an on air interview. I answered the phone and the exchange went as follows.

Joel : Hello?

Charlton Heston : Hello. This is Charlton Heston.

Joel : Mr. Heston I’m the producer and we’ll be going live in about two minutes.

Charlton : Alright.

Joel : Sir, I grew up watching your movies and I’m a big fan.

Charlton : Thank you. What is your name?

Joel : Joel

Charlton : Well Joel, my name is Charlton and you can consider me a friend.

Joel : Thank you sir.

Charlton : You are welcome Joel. It was good talking to you.

Joel : You too sir.

Charlton : Now what do you say we give all Americans guns so they can just shoot out their problems?

Ok. So I made that last line up. Regardless of some of his extreme political beliefs, I am a fan of his. The man starred in The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, Tombstone, Planet of the Apes, True Lies and my personal favorite Touch of Evil.

Rest in peace friend.

- Joel

I thought all the surgery was behind me. I thought I was done with all of the poking and prodding and painful wounds. God thought different. Yesterday I had surgery 27 at Mercy Hospital. Not a fun way to spend your day, trust me.

I arrived at Mercy at the scheduled time and hobbled into the main patient entrance. I approached an elderly volunteer who looked like Stan Lee. I told him I needed to be admitted. He told me I was in the wrong place and had to walk (hobble) over to outpatient surgery. Having had surgery there numerous times I thought I was in the right place. Nope. As I thanked him I realized I sounded like God. Not because I am, but rather I was standing beneath a dome in the entry way that made my voice echo all around me. It’s pretty cool. I suggest you hop in your car, go to Mercy Hospital and find the dome then say cool, God like, things. I’m not sure how Mercy security would like a bunch of people showing up to hear what it sounds like if they were God, but there’s only one way to find out.

I hobbled over to outpatient surgery with my good friend B-Mac, who I’m positive had much better things to do with his day off than be at a hospital. He remarked I had quite the “pimp limp” going on so he decided to rock the pimp limp too. We looked like a couple of Irish gangsters if by gangster you mean dork. And I do.

We walked into the surgery section and it was loud. Like restaurant loud. People of all different social backgrounds speaking at a volume as though they were the only ones in the room. It was disconcerting to hear this kind of unintelligible chatter outside of a high school cafeteria.

I checked in and they informed me my surgery time had been moved up and I was to go immediately into surgery. Good for me but bad for whomever cleared the spot I was taking. I always think about the doctors when that happens. “Well I’ve got three cases today. Gonna be a long….what? Mr. Jenkins just died? Sweet. I’m gonna get out of here sooner than I thought.”

They took me back to the pre-op area where I changed into the “Demoralizer 2000″ brand hospital gown. I just made that name up but it fits. Trust me. I was sitting in the hospital bed when in walked a member of the nursing staff.

If I may get off the subject of my getting sliced and diced again, to say something about the nurses at Mercy Hospital. They are hot. Is it because they have an education? Yes. Is it because being caring and compassionate is a vital part of their chosen career field so I assume they are that way in real life as well? Yes. Is it the scrubs? Yes. Almost every single nurse that has worked on me is hot. Some would say, “Why don’t you throw your pimp game down on one of these nurses and be super smooth?” to which I would reply, “I’m pretty self conscious around pretty women while wearing normal clothes, so to be smooth while wearing nothing but a hospital gown, purple socks, and a hair net while waiting to have my 27th surgery isn’t going to happen. Besides, I don’t have a pimp game. At all.” Aside from my not being smooth with the ladies, the next time you see a nurse take notice of the rocks they sport. Someone sealed that deal long ago with these women. To those men I say kudos. Also, these women work with doctors all day and I can’t compete with that. I’m smart, but not doctor smart. I have money, but not doctor money. Anyway. Nurses are hot. That’s all I have to say about that.

So I’m sitting in the pre-op area and Hotty McRedScrubs comes in to get my IV going. That’s not her real name, but since I don’t remember it, that’s what I’m going with. She tried to get an IV in my left hand. No good. Tried in my right. No good. They finally had to get the anaesthesiologist in to get the vein in my wrist. So today my hands are a bit swollen and sore what with all the needle prodding. I could never do heroin. Not so much because drugs are bad and no one who uses heroin is a winner, but I’m not a fan of needles. I don’t freak out when I see them, they just hurt, and, call me crazy, I’m not into pain. At all.

They finally get the IV in and the surgery nurse, Hotty McPinkScrubs wheels me into the operating room. I don’t remember her name either. Sorry. I get wheeled into the cold and bright operating room and laugh to myself thinking the operating room shares the same attributes as my ex girlfriend. I move from the bed with wheels to the operating table. Here I am laying face down and naked with a staff of five or six people attaching things to me, strapping me down, putting an oxygen mask on me, when I begin to let my mind wander. I start to think about how many people died on that exact spot. I start to think about how the medical staff has got a zillion better things to see than my nakedness sprawled out like a buffet of scarred flesh. Then I notice a white liquid going through my IV and know I’m not about to not think much of anything.

Or so I thought.

I was awake for the entire procedure. I was under conscious sedation, but usually I don’t remember a thing. I remember everything this time. It was weird. I felt the Ladocane injections which is like someone injecting you with what feels like boiling lava for a couple of seconds. I could see the reflection of myself in a glass window and the doctor slicing away. I felt the pulling of the flesh. I could feel everything. It wasn’t painful, just really weird. The staff was very professional and I remarked that this is the second weekend in a row my doctor was kicking off by working on me. It’s hard to crack jokes with an oxygen mask on your face strapped to a table while a staff comprised of doctors and hot nurses cuts you open.

When the procedure was over I was wheeled into the post op area. Once I drank my Diet Coke, ate some crackers, and Hotty McRedScrubs took my IV out I was ready to go. My friend B-Mac pulled his car up and I left.

I’m not sure when all of this will end. I’ve been dealing with the same thing for almost two years now. It’s painful. Surgery is my least favorite thing in the world. I think for someone who’s been through what I’ve been through, I’m in relatively good spirits. I’ve learned a lot through all of this. I’m a good man. I realize what matters in life and what doesn’t. I’m blessed to have a good family and good friends who care about me and how I”m doing. I know that I’ll get through this and I’ll live the life everyone should. A life where what one does isn’t as important as who one is. It’s all in how you treat people. When all is said and done no one is going to care what jokes I told or how much money I had. I want people to remember me as someone who was a good person who wanted nothing but good for those he cared for. I love a lot of people and a lot of people love me. That’s all that matters.

Also, I’ve realized nurses are hot.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Old School Rules by Dangerdoom featuring Talib Kweli - Best use of horns since I staved off a grizzly bear attack armed only with a tuba.

MOVIE - Finding Nemo - Because it’s awesome. That’s why.

BEST OKC BLOG - www.thelostogle.com - I cannot stress how much better this blog is than anything you’ve ever read by me. That’s not hard to accomplish, I know, but humor me.

- Joel

www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

One my my favorite artists of all time has tied the knot. Jay-Z married longtime girlfriend Beyonce last night. I was there. I should know.

Here’s to hoping a pre-nup was signed. I’m not saying anything bad about Beyonce but her money isn’t gonna go near as far as Jay’s. I’m just saying I hope they don’t turn into the hip-hop Paul McCartney and Hoppy, the most harmful woman to “walk” into Paul’s wife since Yoko.

Throwin’ up the nuptial roc.

- Joel

My friend Tyler and I decided what better way to get into the wonderful world of radio than by pranking a popular morning show personality. We went to Wal-Mart, bought a helium tank and about a thousand balloons and went up to the radio station.We took banners from one of the radio stations, wrapped KC Sheperd’s cubicle and filled it with both helium and air filled balloons. Why? Because Tyler and I have no life.

Here’s the aftermath.

- Joel

Reuters reported yesterday Oklahoma City born AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson as saying he just can’t seem to find skilled workers in the United States to do jobs the company has exported to India. “We’re having trouble finding the numbers that we need with the skills that are required to do these jobs,” said Randy. The corporate goal was to have 5000 jobs returned to the United States from India. To date only 1400 have been returned. That means AT&T only needs 3600 skilled people and the problem is solved. This is just the opportunity I need to advance within the company!

Some would see Randy’s comments as offensive because in a not so subtle way he’s not only stating the American workforce is subpar, but he’s also justifying sending jobs to another country over giving those jobs to people he’s laid off. I don’t see it that way because just like Randy I see opportunity where others see something abhorrent.

Since Randy is having such a tough time finding work I figure I’d help him, and you, the unskilled American worker. If you, or someone like you, needs a job, go ahead and e-mail your resume to randall.stephenson@att.com. If you don’t have a computer go ahead and mail your information to

CEO Randall Stephenson
c/o

AT&T Corporate Headquarters
32 Avenue of the Americans
New York, N.Y. 10013-2412

The company is now based in San Antonio but I’m pretty sure they forwarded their mail.

All we need is 3600 people to apply as skilled workers and we’re doing the company a great service. Tell your friends who are looking for a job.

I’m just trying to help.

- Joel

Also, I didn’t get his e-mail address from my office. I found it on Yahoo! Calm down corporate security.

Meet Randall Stephenson. He’s the CEO of the company I work for. To avoid any trouble I better not reveal what company it is. Let’s just say it contains the letters A,T,and T in the name. It was recently revealed he earned roughly $18 million dollars in 2007. Keep in mind the company has laid people off over the past year. For $18 million dollars you could employ someone who makes $40 thousand dollars a year for 450 years or 450 people for a year. You get the point.

To break it down for you, he made a bonus of over $600k, $3.85 million in performance based pay and stock options valued at $12.2 million. He also received $89,919 for personal use of the jet because I think we all know regular planes aren’t good enough what with their forcing someone to be around regular people. He also received $15,455 for home security. I’m pretty sure you can get Brinks for like $200.00 a month. Someone should tell him he’s being ripped off.

So what is my point? I have no problem with anyone making their own way in this world and I admire anyone who becomes successful. I do not however respect anyone who gained success on the backs of those who actually do work for a living rife with menial labor as opposed to one where generous amounts of ass kissing gets the job done. Any man who accepts that much money heading a company where people with families are laid off and left with nothing needs to really examine if he’s worth it. (hint - he’s not)

I understand a company is in business to make money. I understand sometimes staff needs to be let go. I understand there is a huge responsibility in running a large company, but how much is enough? At what point will these people understand when it is revealed they make more money than most working people will see in their entire lives it obliterates the notion of a work ethic. For every extra hour worked, for every extra effort given there is someone else profiting from it.

I’m not asking anyone to give any money back, or even saying this isn’t a reasonable amount of money to make as long as the employees are taken care of and the company is continuing to make money. As soon as people have to stop paying exorbitant amounts for their cell phone bills, and they get cell service that works on their $400.00 iPhone and employees are treated with the respect and dignity they deserve, people shouldn’t be making $18 million dollars.

That’s just the opinion of a working class, probably soon to be unemployed, working American. I’d rather be broke with integrity than making a fortune by taking food from children’s mouths.

RIGHT NOW

MOVIE - No Country for Old Men - Brilliant. I can’t say much more than that about it.

SONG - Piece of Me by Britney - Even though she’s gone off the deep end, she still makes catchy music. It’s crap and I know it. I should be ashamed.

- Joel