It’s been awhile since I’ve written. My grandma passed away. I know that’s not the most uplifting thing to read so I figured I’d just hit you with it now.

I’m not one who is fond of death. I know no one really is but I just tend to shut down when it happens. My grandpa. My dad. My grandma. I either get really upset (grandpa-grandma) or shut down (dad). I’m not sure what that says about how I feel about my dad, so we’ll just leave it alone.

Whenever someone asks me how old my grandma was and I tell them she was 94 they kind of react as though it’s expected. She didn’t die from old age. She died because someone didn’t take care of her the way she deserved. That’s a fact her doctors can attest to. She was of sound mind for someone who was 94 but just because one is old doesn’t mean they were ready. First step of grief? Denial. I know.

I was thinking about all she’d seen in her 94 years. She had a damn good run. I get it. It doesn’t take away from the pain my mom feels. I lost my last grandparent but she lost a mom. That’s got to be one of the hardest things in the world to go through.

So what does my grandmother’s death mean to you? Not much, mostly because you didn’t know her, and that’s ok. We all go through it and I’m dealing with it as best I know how.

So tomorrow I’m off to CA. It’s been years since I’ve been back. It’ll be interesting to see how this goes. I really wanted to go back but not under these circumstances.

So yeah. That’s what I’ve been up to. I really don’t want to talk about it much anymore right now. I just thought I’d let anyone who reads this know what’s going on.

- Joel

Posted: 05 Jun, 2008 |
Categories: I AM JOEL'S BLOG By: joeldavid.