JOEL DAVID NewsOK.com Blogging Community

Aside from having numerous surgeries, finding out my grandma only has a couple of weeks to live and getting suspended without pay from my job because I was sick, I found out I have MRSA again. For those of you not familiar with MRSA, click here. It’s a super bad staph infection. A staph infection, if it reaches my blood, lungs or heart, will kill me within a matter of months. Yeah. I’d say that’s bad.

I took a picture of a car I made out of Zyvox, pills that treat MRSA, because the cost of those pills is more than most used cars. The cost for Zyvox? $97.00 per pill. That comes to $5,820.00 for pills. While I’ve been suspended from my job, I guess they, thankfully, have not suspended my benefits. This is only a one month supply, and I’m supposed to get a refill in a month. If there is no resolution with my job between then and now, I’m not sure what I’ll do.

I am not into playing the victim. I don’t like asking for help. I’m not that guy. However, I think all I’m going through right now is enough for me to make an exception in casting myself as the role of victim in the movie of my life for the last couple of weeks. If anyone out there wants to tell my story, send this link around. People need to know that corporations are treating people like me in a way I not only don’t deserve but in a way that is harming me physically and mentally. I’ve had 27 surgeries, have MRSA, again, and am spending a good amount of time wondering how to pay for bills. I’m not sure how people do it.

Once this is all said and done I’m going to do all I can to help those in need. People who have medical problems they have no control over and make sure these people aren’t hung out to dry by multi-billion dollar corporations. I never thought I’d be in the position I am, yet here I am.

Thanks for reading.

- Joel

I decided to start a series called “Joel’s Concert Adventures” which is just a flashy way to say I had to write about something other than my pending financial destruction at the hands of AT&T all because I’m sick.

Let’s start with the first concert I went to in my life. Wait. That’s no good because the first concert I went to was Carmen at the Myriad. Carmen is a Christian music singer. I remember the concert was free but the entire second half of the show was him pleading with the capacity crowd for money as the venue cost so much and they didn’t charge admission. I remember thinking at the time what a sham that was. Book a venue, perform, then beg for money from people who came to see a show you put on for free. Carmen was like a street performer and the Myriad was his empty guitar case/change receptacle. That concert was ok but not one I count. Or one I paid for.

The first concert I paid to go to was Cake at the Diamond Ballroom. The Cake show was like many endeavors in my life where I’m excited, I try to get a group of people to go, and then only one person shows aside from me. This time it was my friend Travis.

Travis and I made our way into the Diamond. I had never been there, and haven’t been back since, but I have a feeling the hillbilly sheik decor hasn’t changed. The walls were adorned with neon beer signs and pictures of country music greats. I thought it a strange venue for Cake to be playing, but since they were one of my favorite bands, it didn’t matter.

The crowd wasn’t made up of the type of people I expected to see at a Cake show. There were a lot of industrial goth looking fools walking around displaying their disdain for everything by way of mascara and fishnet stockings on their arms. The kind of people who think it hip to wear knee high combat boots and kilts in an attempt to show diversity in a room full of other people dressed exactly the same way. People who are apparently unaware they can shop places other than Hot Topic. People who probably didn’t listen to Cake.

We were about 150 feet from the stage for the entire show, which was good once Cake hit the stage, but a bad spot to be in for the first two bands. The opening band was like a Phish knock off. They played horrible hippy music which enraged the crowd more than I thought possible. Turns out the crowd wasn’t just enraged over being ear pummeled by hippy music, they were amped to see the band that followed Captain Hippy and the Stink Tones. That wasn’t their name but since I can’t remember it, I picked a name that fit. The crowd was so angry they began throwing loose change and beer caps at the hippy band. They were awful but not awful enough to assault them with change. That’s a waste of change. And beer bottle caps.

Captain Hippy cut the set short and the crowd was ecstatic. Then it happened. The band everyone had been waiting for took the stage. Not Cake, but Silver Death Stab or some such industrial nonsensical name. They came out and sounded like Nine Inch Nail’s and Live’s untalented bastard child. The lead singer sang most of his set through a megaphone into the microphone which made him sound like he was singing into a vase. The crowd loved it. They started a mosh pit at the front of the stage. At a Cake show.

The band played for what seemed like eleven hours. A good portion of the crowd left after the industrial debacle. Travis and I pushed our way a little closer to the stage. I looked next to me and there was a seven ft. tall guy who had two round patches of hair where one’s horns might be if one were the devil. I’m not sure the look he was going for but if it was to look exactly like Barf from Spaceballs, he accomplished it with flying colors. I was intimidated by Barf because I thought for sure he’d be one of the mosh industrial types guys. Weird haircut, dark clothes. He looked down at me as people dressed like Marilyn Manson made their way past us to leave and said, “Man I’m so glad they’re leaving. That last band sucked” Wow. Something about judging books and covers crossed my mind.

Travis, Barf and I waited for about ten minutes as the crowd thinned and then Cake took the stage. The remaining crowd was really happy to see them. They got halfway through their second song when some dope towards the front decided he was going to continue moshing. Every concert has that guy. He’s usually sweaty, shirtless, hasn’t had a haircut in years and is running in a circle with his head down trying to get a mosh pit going. At a Cake show no less. As oft is the case, if you run into people long enough, someone is going to shove back and that’s exactly what happened. Johnny Mosh Pit got clocked by some dude in the crowd. This caused a chain reaction and a mosh pit/malay broke out. Cake finished their song and the lead singer said, “We consider ourselves an “easy listening” band so cut out this mosh pit sh-t you f—–g idiot.” That made Johnny Mosh Pit sulk away and out the door to thunderous applause .

The rest of the show was great after that. They played songs from Motorcade of Generosity and Fashion Nugget, which had just come out. They played for a little over an hour then finished their set. They didn’t play their big hit “The Distance” and Barf was pissed. “Man I paid twelve bucks to see them and they didn’t even play my favorite song!” I remarked that’s the same amount of money the CD cost and he could listen to the song thousands of times for the same price. This did not please Barf. Thankfully Cake took the stage for an encore and belted out an incredible version of Barf’s favorite song.

During their encore some dumb girl decided to crowd surf. Having had my fill of concert shenanigans I was not going to further her crowd surfing quest. She slowly made her way towards me way across a sea of upward reaching hands attached to people more willing than I to participate in moron hoisting. I looked up at Barf to see if he would catch her. He nodded so I thought he had it. As she made her way closer I took a step back so Barf and Travis could hold her up. Turns out Travis wasn’t paying attention and Barf had taken a step back too. This poor girl fell to the ground landing with a sound I can only describe as comically bone cracking. She was so drunk, she stood up, looked at Barf and said, “I want to go again!” Barf then picked this woman up and tossed her a good twenty feet back into the middle of the crowd, where she once again met with concrete. I was concerned until I saw her pop back up and jump up and down to the music. How she didn’t have bones shoved out of her skin is beyond me.

Once the show was over Travis and I made our way outside. I wanted autographs. I had brought covers to both of their albums they’d released at the time. There was a group of about thirty people hanging out near the tour bus. A security guy came outside and said there would be no autographs and told us to leave. Ever determined to get celebrities to mark on paper, I hung out.

At one point one of the members of the horrible industrial band came up to the tour bus door and knocked. The lead singer from Cake opened the door. Not Trent Reznor said, “Hey man. What’d you think of the smoke?” “Uh. Oh yeah. It was good. F—ing great man.” “Well cool. Did you have the money or..?” “Oh yeah. Yeah. Hang on.” He didn’t even invite not Trent onto the bus. I have to say that is my first recollection of seeing a drug deal. Rock n’ roll y’all.

I ended up getting the trumpet player, the bass player and the lead singer’s autograph. It was a great show and probably the best St. Patrick’s day of my life.

Chuck Klosterman I am not.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Guns & Roses by Jay-Z and Lenny Kravitz - This song samples Cake’s Arco Arena. You can check it out here if you want.

MOVIE - Sunshine - This movie was a solid piece of science fiction good times. I’m not sure why it didn’t do better in theaters.

- Joel

The official reason I’m currently not receiving any compensation whatsoever, despite my being qualified for it is this….

The Company has suspended you for poor attendance and for not reporting to work as scheduled, all of which occurred while you were on a decision making leave for poor attendance.

Yes. Poor attendance due to the fact I’ve been sick. It’s all part of my plan. The plan? Contract a disease, have 27 painful surgeries, disfiguring scarring, risk losing my job, get suspended from that job so I’ve got no money, all to get out of work. Brilliant.

The gross picture? This is the incision made two weeks ago on my neck. This is comparatively small to the other three on my body right now. I have pretty severe scarring, as is evident by the three scars near this wound.This was taken today. It’s about an inch wide.

All part of the plan.

- Joel

So here’s how this works.

I have worked for AT&T for 14 years. I have not really enjoyed any part of it. At all. That being said, the paycheck is nice and the benefits are good.

I had my 27th surgery Friday, April 4th, for a condition I’ve had since August of 2006. Same condition. I’ve had to file for short term disability twice. The second time, since all of my FMLA was used up, I was told I would be “let go” if I had to go out for surgery again. I’ve had surgery over four times this year and prior to last Friday’s, I’ve used my vacation time and against doctor’s wishes, gone into work despite the open, draining, and painful wounds. Since this last Friday was my second surgery in a week I filed for short term disability, which I am eligible for.

Or so I thought.

I received a certified letter in the mail advising me I was on suspension, with no reason given. I thought it was perhaps a formality. Today I receive a phone call advising me I will not be receiving short term disability benefits as I am on suspension. This means, at the moment, I have no income, because I went out for surgery for a condition I’ve had for two years.

Thanks AT&T.

Keep in mind the bills keep coming, I’ve got no savings and nothing to fall back on. That job was my financial lifeline, no matter how much I hated it, and now it’s gone because I had surgery. Sure it’s because I violated the attendance policy, but I had no choice.

Why am I writing this? Well, because maybe someone will listen. Maybe someone will realize it’s wrong to persecute someone who has a medical condition they have no control over. Maybe someone will help me out somehow. I don’t know.

It’s incredible what’s happening to me. Not incredible in a good way either. I don’t what I’m going to do. This is probably the best thing to happen to me in the long term, but right now?

I’m at a loss. Nothing a $20k loan and a job wouldn’t fix.

- Joel

I am obsessed with the life of Mickey Rooney and why it has lasted as long as it has. Whenever a celebrity death is announced I’m sure The Roon can’t be far behind, because it always happens in 3’s. With the recent passing of my friend Charlton Heston, The Roon better be careful over the next few days.

He’s been alive for 31,973 days as of this writing. That’s longer than John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Steve McQueen. I’d trade a Lennon for a Roon.

Sorry Mickey.

- Joel

I’m a huge fan of the show “CHiP’s”. I waited for years for that show to finally be on DVD. Season 1 was released on DVD last year, the week of my birthday, and season 2 will be released this year, same week. That show was like a god to me growing me up.

When I was a kid I had the Ponch and Jon action figures. We lived in L.A. and my dad would drive us by the police station where the exterior shots were filmed. I used to think I could see Ponch and Jon. I couldn’t. I was 6 with an overactive imagination.

I have a wall of autographs. On this wall are autographs from President Bill Clinton, The Flaming Lips and Bob Barker. I even have a Chuck Norris autograph my dad got for me. I have to keep it encased in bullet proof glass lest the powers of the Chuck release themselves and wreak havoc on all mankind. See……..

There are many autographs I seek but one has eluded me for some time. This is an autograph from a one Mr. Erik Estrada. He used to sell autographs on his website but for reasons known only him, he no longer does. According to his site he also returns e-mails and letters. Well, according to my experience, this is not true. What’s the deal Ponch?

I’m already in the process of getting Larry Wilcox’s autograph but the Ponch effort has stalled.

All I want is an autograph from Erik Estrada. Well, two, since my friend Jason is a big fan too.

That would be Ponchtastic.

I’m not kidding.

- Joel

“When I die, can you please make sure the news services use a picture of me that captured my dignity and class? There have been thousands of pictures taken of me so just pick the one that shows me in my best light. Preferably not one of me in a loin cloth laughing at a tiny ape.”

“Sure Mr. Heston. No problem.”

- Joel

I once spoke with Charlton Heston. He was calling into a local radio show I produced for an on air interview. I answered the phone and the exchange went as follows.

Joel : Hello?

Charlton Heston : Hello. This is Charlton Heston.

Joel : Mr. Heston I’m the producer and we’ll be going live in about two minutes.

Charlton : Alright.

Joel : Sir, I grew up watching your movies and I’m a big fan.

Charlton : Thank you. What is your name?

Joel : Joel

Charlton : Well Joel, my name is Charlton and you can consider me a friend.

Joel : Thank you sir.

Charlton : You are welcome Joel. It was good talking to you.

Joel : You too sir.

Charlton : Now what do you say we give all Americans guns so they can just shoot out their problems?

Ok. So I made that last line up. Regardless of some of his extreme political beliefs, I am a fan of his. The man starred in The Ten Commandments, Ben-Hur, Tombstone, Planet of the Apes, True Lies and my personal favorite Touch of Evil.

Rest in peace friend.

- Joel

I thought all the surgery was behind me. I thought I was done with all of the poking and prodding and painful wounds. God thought different. Yesterday I had surgery 27 at Mercy Hospital. Not a fun way to spend your day, trust me.

I arrived at Mercy at the scheduled time and hobbled into the main patient entrance. I approached an elderly volunteer who looked like Stan Lee. I told him I needed to be admitted. He told me I was in the wrong place and had to walk (hobble) over to outpatient surgery. Having had surgery there numerous times I thought I was in the right place. Nope. As I thanked him I realized I sounded like God. Not because I am, but rather I was standing beneath a dome in the entry way that made my voice echo all around me. It’s pretty cool. I suggest you hop in your car, go to Mercy Hospital and find the dome then say cool, God like, things. I’m not sure how Mercy security would like a bunch of people showing up to hear what it sounds like if they were God, but there’s only one way to find out.

I hobbled over to outpatient surgery with my good friend B-Mac, who I’m positive had much better things to do with his day off than be at a hospital. He remarked I had quite the “pimp limp” going on so he decided to rock the pimp limp too. We looked like a couple of Irish gangsters if by gangster you mean dork. And I do.

We walked into the surgery section and it was loud. Like restaurant loud. People of all different social backgrounds speaking at a volume as though they were the only ones in the room. It was disconcerting to hear this kind of unintelligible chatter outside of a high school cafeteria.

I checked in and they informed me my surgery time had been moved up and I was to go immediately into surgery. Good for me but bad for whomever cleared the spot I was taking. I always think about the doctors when that happens. “Well I’ve got three cases today. Gonna be a long….what? Mr. Jenkins just died? Sweet. I’m gonna get out of here sooner than I thought.”

They took me back to the pre-op area where I changed into the “Demoralizer 2000″ brand hospital gown. I just made that name up but it fits. Trust me. I was sitting in the hospital bed when in walked a member of the nursing staff.

If I may get off the subject of my getting sliced and diced again, to say something about the nurses at Mercy Hospital. They are hot. Is it because they have an education? Yes. Is it because being caring and compassionate is a vital part of their chosen career field so I assume they are that way in real life as well? Yes. Is it the scrubs? Yes. Almost every single nurse that has worked on me is hot. Some would say, “Why don’t you throw your pimp game down on one of these nurses and be super smooth?” to which I would reply, “I’m pretty self conscious around pretty women while wearing normal clothes, so to be smooth while wearing nothing but a hospital gown, purple socks, and a hair net while waiting to have my 27th surgery isn’t going to happen. Besides, I don’t have a pimp game. At all.” Aside from my not being smooth with the ladies, the next time you see a nurse take notice of the rocks they sport. Someone sealed that deal long ago with these women. To those men I say kudos. Also, these women work with doctors all day and I can’t compete with that. I’m smart, but not doctor smart. I have money, but not doctor money. Anyway. Nurses are hot. That’s all I have to say about that.

So I’m sitting in the pre-op area and Hotty McRedScrubs comes in to get my IV going. That’s not her real name, but since I don’t remember it, that’s what I’m going with. She tried to get an IV in my left hand. No good. Tried in my right. No good. They finally had to get the anaesthesiologist in to get the vein in my wrist. So today my hands are a bit swollen and sore what with all the needle prodding. I could never do heroin. Not so much because drugs are bad and no one who uses heroin is a winner, but I’m not a fan of needles. I don’t freak out when I see them, they just hurt, and, call me crazy, I’m not into pain. At all.

They finally get the IV in and the surgery nurse, Hotty McPinkScrubs wheels me into the operating room. I don’t remember her name either. Sorry. I get wheeled into the cold and bright operating room and laugh to myself thinking the operating room shares the same attributes as my ex girlfriend. I move from the bed with wheels to the operating table. Here I am laying face down and naked with a staff of five or six people attaching things to me, strapping me down, putting an oxygen mask on me, when I begin to let my mind wander. I start to think about how many people died on that exact spot. I start to think about how the medical staff has got a zillion better things to see than my nakedness sprawled out like a buffet of scarred flesh. Then I notice a white liquid going through my IV and know I’m not about to not think much of anything.

Or so I thought.

I was awake for the entire procedure. I was under conscious sedation, but usually I don’t remember a thing. I remember everything this time. It was weird. I felt the Ladocane injections which is like someone injecting you with what feels like boiling lava for a couple of seconds. I could see the reflection of myself in a glass window and the doctor slicing away. I felt the pulling of the flesh. I could feel everything. It wasn’t painful, just really weird. The staff was very professional and I remarked that this is the second weekend in a row my doctor was kicking off by working on me. It’s hard to crack jokes with an oxygen mask on your face strapped to a table while a staff comprised of doctors and hot nurses cuts you open.

When the procedure was over I was wheeled into the post op area. Once I drank my Diet Coke, ate some crackers, and Hotty McRedScrubs took my IV out I was ready to go. My friend B-Mac pulled his car up and I left.

I’m not sure when all of this will end. I’ve been dealing with the same thing for almost two years now. It’s painful. Surgery is my least favorite thing in the world. I think for someone who’s been through what I’ve been through, I’m in relatively good spirits. I’ve learned a lot through all of this. I’m a good man. I realize what matters in life and what doesn’t. I’m blessed to have a good family and good friends who care about me and how I”m doing. I know that I’ll get through this and I’ll live the life everyone should. A life where what one does isn’t as important as who one is. It’s all in how you treat people. When all is said and done no one is going to care what jokes I told or how much money I had. I want people to remember me as someone who was a good person who wanted nothing but good for those he cared for. I love a lot of people and a lot of people love me. That’s all that matters.

Also, I’ve realized nurses are hot.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - Old School Rules by Dangerdoom featuring Talib Kweli - Best use of horns since I staved off a grizzly bear attack armed only with a tuba.

MOVIE - Finding Nemo - Because it’s awesome. That’s why.

BEST OKC BLOG - www.thelostogle.com - I cannot stress how much better this blog is than anything you’ve ever read by me. That’s not hard to accomplish, I know, but humor me.

- Joel

www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

One my my favorite artists of all time has tied the knot. Jay-Z married longtime girlfriend Beyonce last night. I was there. I should know.

Here’s to hoping a pre-nup was signed. I’m not saying anything bad about Beyonce but her money isn’t gonna go near as far as Jay’s. I’m just saying I hope they don’t turn into the hip-hop Paul McCartney and Hoppy, the most harmful woman to “walk” into Paul’s wife since Yoko.

Throwin’ up the nuptial roc.

- Joel