There are many things I haven’t done in my life that I expect to illicit a surprised reaction from people. These include not having been on a date in over five years, not being able to find a hat to fit my head and my not having been to Toby Keith’s bar. Despite those mentioned previously there is one thing I haven’t done in my life that gets the most dramatic reaction from people when they find out. A reaction that would make one think I’d just told them I’d never eaten cheese or seen the sun. A reaction that makes people stare at me with a sense of confused wonderment as though I’ve just revealed I’m not from this time at all but rather I’ve jettisoned forward from a time and place beyond comprehension. The revelation? I’ve never seen Goonies.
I mentioned this facet of my personality to my friend Jason Black today and you would have thought I’d told him I had everything to do with 9-11. He’s not the first to respond to this news in such a manner. He was the first person today, but as luck would have it, not the last.
As I’m having surgery 23 tomorrow, I decided to stop by Blockbuster to get a couple of DVD’s. In order to remedy the social disorder one’s not having seen Goonies gives someone, I decided to rent it. I took it to the counter and the guy behind the counter remarked, “Goonies. Good movie.” he then quoted a line and I said, “Actually I haven’t seen it.” at which point he, the girl behind the counter with him and another girl nowhere near this exchange ALL started laughing at me at the same time. One of the girls said, “You’ve never seen Goonies?!” I said, “No. But I’m renting it to avoid this reaction.” She went on to explain she wasn’t laughing at me but never explained what she was laughing at. I took my movie and left having been the social leper because of my Goonies-less past.
This changes tomorrow! I’ll be watching Goonies tomorrow and banishing the taunts from strangers and friends alike because of my not having seen this apparently cinematic benchmark of entertainment. I don’t care if it’s the worst movie ever made, I’ll no longer be known as the guy whose never seen Goonies. Now to get a hold of a copy of Gremlins. No. I’ve never seen Gremlins. I’ve also never seen Ghostbusters. Cripes.
Here we go again.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Dory Previn by Camera Obscura - The lead singers voice is pleasantly haunting. It’s a stark contrast to the jeers from the Blockbuster staff.
MOVIE - I’m not even gonna put one here until I see Goonies.
Barack the vote.
- Joel