This morning I awoke to another glorious day in these United States. As I do every morning, after I listened to my favorite Toby Keith album, I walked over to my window and opened the blinds that overlook the golf course near my house. Every morning I see middle aged, fat, white guys playing golf. Men who should probably be paying more attention to their wives and kids, but the shortcomings of middle aged men is best left for another time. Also, so should my overall disdain with the works of Toby Keith.
As I stared at the lush green course, I noticed a creature near a large pond on the course. It was a creature I’d never seen before. Dear god. Is that? Wow. A coyote. I couldn’t believe my enormous eyes. I know I live in Oklahoma but a coyote on a golf course? Part of me hoped that it would attack one of the bloated golfers and then the golfer would have an epiphany and realize that not even golf is better than waking up next to the woman you love. That’s assuming the fat golfer loves his wife. Never mind.
I kept looking out my window periodically throughout the morning at the coyote. He was standing in the same spot like a noble beast of the land standing guard over his domain like a mangy lion. A very small lion, but a lion nonetheless. He peered over a domain made of fake hills and man made ponds. A domain that isn’t really all that conducive to wild animals.
An hour or so passed and I kept looking out the window at the coyote and he remained in the same exact spot while golfers played cautiously near it. The golfers seemed to be taken aback but un-phased. It was amazing how stoic this beast appeared. I even Googled coyotes to see if they have some sort of ability to stand in the same spot for long periods of time. Nope.
I decided to look for my binoculars to get a closer look at this creature of the wild. These are the same binoculars I use for all of my other wildlife observations which I say only as a way to make me seem more of a clever observer of the wild and not some creep with binoculars. I found them and peered into them at the coyote. What a mangy creature he was. His face was spotted and he resembled a dingo. He seemed to be smaller than I thought but he was still a bit fierce looking. I thought it odd that this coyote was able to stand on one leg as well as three of his legs weren’t even touching the ground. What a discovery I’d found. A coyote with the dexterity of a 12 year old Asian acrobat girl you see on TV. Wait. Wait. Something was wrong.
A man approached the floating coyote. Here it comes! Not only was I looking at a coyote who could stand on one leg but I was gonna see someone get mauled by this acrobatic specimen of wildlife. He moved it. He simply picked it up and move it. Turns out it wasn’t real. It is some sort of deterrent to who or whatever is deterred by fake coyotes.
And that’s what made me feel like a winner today.
Thanks a lot realistic coyote decoy makers.
- Joel David