2007 April

April 2007


I work for AT&T. It is a soulless corporation and I really don’t like that I work for a corporation but that’s a whole other issue involving my heroin habit and betting problem.

With each passing day I am closer to quitting. Here is a pretty good reason. CEO Ed Whitacre’s retirement package as reported by The Wall Street Journal is as follows.

$158,500,000.00

This includes $6,500.00 a year for “home security”, $24,000.00 a year for automobile benefits and $25,000 for his country club fees. He will also have access to the AT&T Corporate Jet for ten hours a month. His family will receive free health insurance for life, while AT&T will pay the taxes on most of the benefits. During his retirement, he will also be paid a little over $1 million for three years for work as a consultant. His earnings last year were $35,000,000.00. His net worth as reported by ABC news is $78,000,000.00.

Let’s say the average AT&T employee makes $40,000.00 a year. Eddy’s retirement package alone could employ the average AT&T employee for 3962 years. Remember that the next time you pay your AT&T bill.

I understand that a business is in business to make money and that is all. My biggest issue with the retirement package is that this company is going to be laying people off. It has laid people off. People I know. Good people who do good work but got laid off not because they did a poor job but rather the company claimed it needed to cut costs. The CEO of AT&T made $35,000,000.00 last year. Corporations need to take a little off the top next time they look at cutting costs.

Good luck Eddy! I hope you can make ends meet!

-Joel David

Fire up the Bill O’Reilly scream machine! In Austin Texas right now there is trouble brewing of the Terry Schiavo sort. Emilio Gonzales is a 17 month old baby suffering from Leigh’s disease. This rare disease attacks the central nervous system and has left the child unable to see, speak or eat and in excruciating pain. The hospital staff has decided to remove him from the ventilator because of the excruciating pain it causes the child as well as the fact it’s useless because all the ventilator does is keep something alive that shouldn’t be.

Despite the futility involved, the mother wants to keep the child on the ventilator. Emilio’s mother, Catarina Gonzales, was quoted as saying she wants her child to die “naturally, the way God intended.” Brilliant. Because we’re all brought into this world hooked up to a ventilator and in horrible pain that only gets worse with each passing moment. Yeah. That’s exactly how God wanted it. According to Texas law however, it isn’t the mother’s decision to make. It is the hospital’s decision. It’s the law. I can’t imagine someone felt it necessary to put a law into effect that allows the staff of a hospital to determine whether or not a patient lives or dies. Who would do such a thing?

George W. Bush . That’s who.

In 1999 then Governor George W. Bush signed that exact thing into law. We all know him. The man who as governor still holds the record for most death penalties being carried out under one’s term(s) as governor. The same guy who is sending our sons and daughters to war. The same guy who is pro-life. Yeah. That guy. The law he passed in 1999 states that a hospital has the authority to stop treatment if doctors deem it “inappropriate” despite a family’s wishes. There’s some family values for you. And he got voted in on his flimsy morals! Twice! Thanks America.

I personally don’t think the kid should be on a ventilator anymore than I thought Terry Schiavo should’ve been. That child is in pain for no reason. We kill dogs don’t we? “Well we don’t want a dog to suffer, but a baby? Who cares?” Let the hospital make the decision for the family in this case.

However, I feel the real issue at hand is that this woman does not have health insurance. Well, not the good kind. She has Medicaid which is like the KIA of medical coverage. If she had the ability to pay for a private nurse or medical support at home, this probably wouldn’t even be an issue. “Let the kid live, as long as it’s on her dime, but since she’s only got Medicaid let’s unplug that kid and send that woman on her way. We’ve got sick people with REAL insurance waiting.”

So what is my stance on this? While I agree the hospital is right in this situation, I still think it is up to the family. To a point. If the patient is in excruciating pain and there is no hope, unplug away. Put all superstitious (religious) beliefs aside and let that person go. If the hospital deems it necessary to unplug someone then you’d better be sure that all avenues of treatment have been explored. Once that is done, let go.

So what have we learned? Bush is a hypocrite with only the interests of large corporations in mind. We’ve also learned some people’s superstitions eliminate the need for objective thought process. That statement also applies to things such as evolution, global warming, not letting the dead die, and believing we’ve won the war. So many things to choose from.

If God truly chose him as our leader, as Bush believes, then the good lord hates us and I don’t think that’s the case.

- Joel David

Later this week George W. Bush will more than likely veto a bill that approves more money for the troops but asks for a timeline as to when it might be good to take our soldiers out of harm’s way. Thanks for giving history one more reason to award you the ‘Worst President Ever’ award.

Thanks George W. “Pro-Life” Bush.

- Joel

Please understand that what follows is in no way condoning the actions of anyone who decides, or has decided, to channel their depression and rage in violent ways. In no way am I discounting what has happened in Virginia. My thoughts and prayers are with them. - JD

Earlier this week the campus of Virginia Tech was the site of a violent and deadly attack carried out by a 23 year old student named Cho Seung-Hui. He killed 32 people and then himself in what has become the deadliest shooting incident in American history.

The victims at VT died tragically and did not deserve to die in the manner in which they did. I do feel that it is wrong for the media to act as though these are the first people in the history of anything to die tragically. Is it newsworthy? Yes. However, to date, 3,155 soldiers have died in Iraq. The news doesn’t seem to cover that at all. Who decides whose death is more tragic? The family of a dead soldier is suffering just as much as the family of a slain college student. The suffering of the bereaved is indiscernible between those who lost someone in war or in class.

Aside from the media’s exploitation of the situation, there is little being said about the shooter. Sure we know he killed 32 people and he was a vengeful soul, but what made him that way? Whenever someone does something like this, everyone seems to be searching for answers and they act as though what happened is an unsolvable mystery. They try to blame it on an album or a movie or a book. Whether it was the guys at Columbine or a serial killer or anyone else who does something like this no one ever seems to zero in on the one thing tying all of these cases together. If you look, and you don’t have to look hard, you will find these individuals were picked on and ostracized in some way shape or form. Whether it was their looks or taste in music or race or any number of other things people make fun of, something made people pick on them.

Cho was referred to by classmates as “The Question Mark Kid” because he didn’t sign his name on a sign in sheet in one of the classes. In grade school he was singled out for talking different and in return, people made fun of him and pushed him around. A lot of people are bullied in school and a lot of people have outlets but sometimes there isn’t anywhere for people like Cho to go. Sometimes people just snap, but it is rarely without cause.

I remember kids were mean to me in kindergarten and grade school. Michael Thomas and Alex Vargas were a couple of real bullies and to this day I remember things they said or did to me over twenty years ago. Thankfully I had a compassionate family and as I grew I gained more friends and had a support system in place if I ever got depressed or angry or any of the other things everyone on the planet experiences. For one reason or another Cho got the short end of the societal stick so he killed a bunch of people. Some people paint, others write, he decided to exact revenge on the society and the people he felt had done him wrong. He was wrong to do what he did but I empathize. I’m not saying what he did was right in any way but maybe if someone was nice to this guy, or took the time to listen to him without trying to commit him or convert him maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

It’s unfair to assume had certain things taken place, then other things wouldn’t have happened. I do not think he would have had much of a reason to hate as much as he did if he wasn’t hated. You can only push someone so far and for so long before something in a person snaps. The biggest lesson we can all gain from this is to take the time to be a little nicer. I’m a comedian and I know that I am as guilty of being mean as anyone else. I’m working on it. If we were all a little nicer and a little more willing to help others, we’d be happier and who knows what kind of an impact your kindness can have on others. I’m just talking about unadulterated kindness. I don’t mean kindness as an “in” to try to convert someone to your fun little God club either. Just be nice. It’s the people with ulterior motives that are most untrustworthy.

I am sorry for what happened, but not surprised. No one should be. We live in an unkind world but if everyone were just a little nicer, we can change that. All I’m asking for is niceness and who knows whose life you could be saving down the road.

- Joel David

For those of you not keeping track at home, I had my eleventh surgery this last Friday. That’s eleven times I’ve been knocked out. If each procedure takes fifteen minutes that means I’ve lost 165 minutes. That’s time I could have been spending watching Saved by the Bell or not talking to women.

Now if the adage is true that “chicks dig scars” then I have eleven surefire new reasons for chicks to dig me. That brings the total number of things women like about me to, well, eleven. What’s that? Chicks actually dig money and handsome? Damn. Oh well.

RIGHT NOW

SONG - The Power Is On by the Go! Team. I love this song and I also love long walks on the beach and wood floors. I do not however like long walks on wood floors.

MOVIE - High Fidelity - If I have to explain why this is good then I’m just wasting my time. With all the surgeries I’ve had, I’ve got to manage my time more carefully.

Holla.

- Joel David

www.myspace.com/joeldavidd

So with it being Easter and what not, I was thinking today about something.

Christians believe that the only way to heaven is through believing Christ died for your sins on the cross. That’s it. No other way. So I was just wondering what happened to all those people before Christ died on the cross? Were they just screwed? You can’t very well believe someone died on the cross that hadn’t been born yet. At what point was there a salvation ‘changeover’? “Ok everyone! Gather round. I have a bit of a policy change to go over with all of you. Especially you Jews. So now that Jesus has died for everyone’s sins we’re gonna go ahead and abandon the old way we were all getting to heaven, whatever the heck that was.”

Just something to think about this Easter.

- Joel

President Bush appointed Sam Fox on Wednesday to the appointment of ambassador to Belgium. “A new ambassador? Who cares?” Well you should. He was originally denied the post in March because he lacked congressional support. This was in part because Fox personally contributed $50,000.00 to the Swift Boat campaign that made John Kerry look like an unpatriotic loser. This was despite no one waging a campaign called ‘Why Didn’t George W. Go To Nam’.

Bush just went ahead and waited until congress took a week off and made a ‘recess appointment’. This means he gave his buddy the job by circumventing the process that denied the appointment in the first place. I mean Fox will have to face a senate hearing but not until the new congress reconvenes in January of ’09. That’s some presidential nepotism right there. Good job G-Dub. Soldiers are dying, and we still have no idea why and you go ahead and take the time to get your buddy a job. Jackass.

Now that I’ve put that out there let’s see who that makes mad. No one because it appears the American people are complacent? Oh. Ok. Good.

RIGHT NOW

SONG – God Bless The USA – Because I forgot to bring my Toby Keith CD in so I had to patriotically patronize myself in some way.

MOVIE – Wag the Dog – The blueprint for the Iraq war is in this movie.

- Joel