This past weekend I managed to make a stranger’s day without that having been my intention. This actually just came about as a result of my letting a woman scream at me. I mean sure, I’ve made women scream in the past but mostly from them just having to see me! ZING!
I woke up this past Sunday with the intention of going and getting pancakes. About every three months I acquire an unexpected but voracious appetite for ‘cakes of pan’. I can’t explain it. What usually happens is that I go to IHOP, get the pancakes and then look down at the unfinished syrupy remains that lay on the plate before me like a weird, doughy, road kill type of concoction, and make a mental note that pancakes are really kind of overrated and that waffles are more my thing. I convince myself that the quarterly trip to the ol’ IHOP will be unnecessary in the future. However, despite my best efforts I end up there about once every three months.
This last Sunday was one of those times.
I called my friend Aaron and told him I was going to go to IHOP to get, well, you know. He met me at the Moore location at around 11:00am. Now I get that people need to eat breakfast but it being the Bible Belt and all I didn’t anticipate that the place would be as crowded as it was on a Sunday morning. Turns out there was a forty minute wait to be seated. At IHOP? I’ve eaten there and it’s not worth a forty minute wait. It’s barely worth being there for forty minutes. The place was so crowded on a Sunday morning I thought that maybe there was an empty church somewhere that had moved their congregation to IHOP or maybe they were giving free pancakes to sinners but neither of these semi-hilarious scenarios I just made up was true. Motivated by equal parts impatience and pancake envy, Aaron and I trekked to the IHOP in Norman because surely there would be less IHOP heathens there.
Nope.
The one in Norman was just as crowded. The parking lot was over flowing with the cars of what I assume were pancake eating, church missing, sinners. Sure, I was there too but I already know I’m a sinner. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I determined that I would make one pass through the parking lot and if nothing opened up then I would leave so I slowly made my way through the parking lot when a woman in an SUV, heading the opposite direction as me, was trying to leave the parking lot. A spot was opening up to my right so I got my car in position to where I could pull into that spot easily and allow the person occupying it to leave. As this happened another car pulled in behind me so I was blocked in from the front and the back because the woman in the SUV in front of me had just stopped. She was now blocking in the guy trying to leave the spot I wanted. She would not move. This lasted a few seconds until I motioned for her to go around me on the left side of my car. She did nothing. So I had to back up, making the person behind me move and then the first guy, whose spot I wanted, was able to back up and leave the spot.
Here is where I made someone’s day. This woman in the SUV pulled along side me, stopped her car, rolled her window down and yelled, “Merry Christmas!” in that angry, soccer mom type of way. I didn’t flip this person off or curse or yell or anything. I made a bit of a parking lot faux pa, sure, but to cause that to make someone take the time to stop their car, roll their window down and scream a Christmas greeting is overreacting a bit. This was entirely unprovoked Christmas rage. I would have laughed a lot less had she cursed but because she didn’t I’m having a hard time writing this because I’m still laughing.
I know I made her day because people like that need to validate their life by fighting battles that don’t exist. People who are so bitter with the decisions they’ve made or the people they’ve married or given birth to that they have to scream Christmas greetings at strangers to make it seem as though what they do matters. Sure, I laughed, but it just made her look stupid, as most things like that tend to do for people. She probably went home and complained to her husband about the horrible young guy up to the IHOP who wouldn’t move his car and since that upped her dander she did all she knew how to do, but being someone who probably doesn’t use profanity, decided the best way to sling all that middle aged rage at someone was to scream a Christmas greeting. I made her day by giving her something to complain about. Now that I think about, maybe it was her who made my day. Yeah. That’s it because I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.
For those of you ‘concerned’ I eventually got my pancakes and, much to my not surprise, I realized I’m more of a waffle guy. I’ll go back in March just to make sure though.
Moving on.
I drive downtown everyday and pass the mural along E.K. Gaylord depicting ‘great’ moments in Oklahoma history, sans the Indians getting slaughtered and their land getting taken by hillbillies, but I digress. There is something in this ‘magnificent’ mural that is disconcerting. In a part of the mural depicting a scene from the movie Oklahoma! that involved a horse drawn surrey, there are two of the most deranged looking stallions pulling this surrey that I have ever witnessed. They are the most methed-out looking stallions I have ever seen and I have seen three in my lifetime. Well, one in person and two painted ones and the two painted ones scare me more. So keep an eye out for those.
Merry Christmas!!! ARRGGH!
RIGHT NOW
SONG - Joy to The World - This is not only a good Christmas song but also a friendly reminder that we could all stand to spread a little more joy in this world and not so much hate. I’m kind of a hippie sometimes.
MOVIE - Little Miss Sunshine - This is one of the funniest and heartfelt movies I have ever seen. It came out today on DVD so go get it. This is also the nickname I have just given the woman who screams holiday greetings at people.
THING I DON’T GET - At Christmas time each year buildings downtown have enormous crosses in their windows to mark the holiday season. To quote Bill Hicks “Do you think when Jesus comes back he’s going to want to see a cross?” I’m pretty sure that applies to his birthday too. I mean if on your birthday every year people adorned your home with the one thing that would eventually be the cause of your demise, you wouldn’t be too happy. “Happy birthday Jim! We decorated the place with giant styrofoam tumors and an iron lung! Happy Birthday!”
- Joel David
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www.myspace.com/joeldavidd