I had my fifth surgery last Thursday. This is turning into a weekly event for me. Some people have appointment TV viewing or go on dates every weekend. I seem to just get knocked the eff out and get gutted like a fish. Well, a fish with a staph infection. If I have to have surgery again I’ll get a free small french fry. Thanks Val-Pak!
A local news outlet recently ran a story about a young man who was a congressional page and their connection to the recent Mark Foley scandal. Mark Foley is a Florida congressman who recently resigned after it was made public that he had been sending explicit e-mails to young men who were congressional pages. This person interviewed claimed that the page scandal was all part of an elaborate prank by pages to ‘get’ Mark Foley.
Let’s assume this story isn’t one of the most ludicrous things I’ve ever heard. If indeed what this page says is true why wouldn’t Foley have stated that? Why go to all the trouble of saying you were a gay, alcoholic, molestation victim as opposed to a prank victim? Because he got caught doing something he knew he shouldn’t have.
I know a lot of people who are happy that the congressman in question is Republican. I can’t think why that matters to anyone. One of the many problems with this country is people’s automatic defense of their own political party and the default dislike of the opposing party that seems to afford them. “Well I’m a Democrat so it’s good when Republicans screw up. HA!” and vice versa. If we could take the political affiliation of someone out of the equation when determining one’s character we might be surprised.
Turns out that what people say and what they do are often at odds with each other. People are beginning to see that Republicans are just as ‘bad’ as Democrats. Affairs with interns and explicit e-mails seem to captivate this nation. Wait a minute. Hold on. Neither of those things has to do with anything that really matters at all? One of those things I mentioned happened over six years ago and the other isn’t really as bad as one might think? You say there’s a war going on where thousands of people are dying with no end in sight and that our president lied to us about all of it yet all we care about is some salacious e-mails? Huh. I’ll be damned.
01-20-09 - Oh sweet heavenly day.
Moving on.
I have never claimed to be a manly man. I’m a passivist vegetarian who doesn’t hunt or watch action movies that much. I’m not a fan of football and don’t subjugate women. I’m a wuss and I know it so this next part should come as no surprise now that you’re armed with the knowledge of my minuscule testosterone level. How much of a man am I not? I got angry with the Glade people this last week That’s right. Glade. The people who make things smell better. And no, I’m not gay.
When I went to pick up my kajillionth prescription at Not-Target last week I saw where the Glade folks are now schilling a scented candle-oil burning device. It’s basically a small candle that creates scented oil in the holder it comes in and then the scented oil also evaporates creating sweet smelling goodness in your home. Or so I thought.
I purchased said product with the intent of sweet odoriferous emanation taking place in my home compliments of the twelve dollars I threw down for two of the latest in Glade scent technology. Scent-ology if you will. It worked for about five minutes until the wick burnt out. I tried to re-light it to no avail. I had bought two so I tried the other one. That’s when the Glade people threw the proverbial gauntlet down. Their crap oil burning device never lit again. That was twelve dollars wasted. I’m not sure what will redeem them to me. This will be interesting to see how this lame tale plays out.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - When The World Ends by Dave Matthews Band - Because I’m a sappy wuss.
MOVIE - Tombstone - Because I’m not THAT much of a sappy wuss.
CELEBRITY - I figure I can go ahead and list a celebrity for the day. Not for any good reason really. So the first Right Now Celebrity? Fiona Apple. Assuming the world is perfect, and I actually had a say in the matter, there are many reasons why I would go out with Fiona Apple. First off, she’s incredibly talented. Second, she seems to have a good sense of humor. While those two things alone make her more ‘date-worthy’ than almost anyone I’ve ever dated, there is something else. The best thing about Fiona Apple is that she knows how to channel her ‘craziness’.
I’m not one who uses what one might consider the best of discretionary measures when choosing people to date. I seem to always end up with the type of woman who feels that I am her proverbial beating post. I date women who can’t seem to channel their ‘craziness’ at anyone but me. Nothing confirmed this more for me then when I got smacked in the middle of an Albertson’s or had someone throw their anger management book at me. In retrospect I probably should have seen that coming. The book I mean.
I think that the problem is that there was nowhere for all of the ‘craziness’ my ex-girlfriend had to go. Fiona gets it all out while on stage. She could be mad at me for anything she wants as long as she vents all of that anger on stage. I’ve had women I’ve dated get mad at me for no reason at all and then take that anger fueled by fabricated situations and scream at me. If Fiona made stuff up about me she could belt it out on stage! Perhaps my pissing her off, whether intentional or not would even make her shows better! Oh man that would be cool.
Ms. Apple seems to only date super successful types though. She dated director P.T. Anderson for a long time. She also dated super illusionist David Blaine. Aside from countless reasons for our never dating, it appears the biggest problem is that I didn’t write and direct a great movie like Boogie Nights or Magnolia or that I’ve never stood on a post for a month or asked strangers what card they are thinking of.
Then again, neither P.T. Anderson or David Blaine have written for LOOK @ OKC. Fiona Apple David. That works for me.
- Joel David
Rest in peace Buck.
www.myspace.com/joeldavidd
www.chkona.com