Having recently gone back and read some of what I written I realized it is a testament to the fact that drugs are bad. Keep in mind I’m not doing any illegal drugs. I’m just taking pills prescribed by my doctor for pain. Pain pills if you will. The downside to ingesting opiates as a way to sit for any length of time is that my writing suffers. Well, ‘suffers’ in this case is subjective because in order for something to suffer, something had to be well or good to begin with, and I think it’s pretty evident that my writing is far from both of those things. Meandering is a good way to describe my writing style. Meandering depression with a healthy dose of self loathing. Yeah. That’s just about the best way to describe it.
I have been off of work for quite some time now as I am pretty ill. The upside is that I’m not at work. The downside is a series of painful surgeries and my potential back-of-my-leg modeling career has been shattered. Why god?! Why?! People ask what I do all day since I’m on disability so without further adieu, I present to you A Day in the Life of Joel: Disability Edition.
I woke up at around eight a.m. and hobbled to the shower for the first of three daily wound cleansings that have become part of my routine. After putting the tarp over the field (that’s what I call it when I cover my wound) I took a pain pill and laid on the couch for a couple of hours watching mind numbing daytime TV. I really miss Katie Couric. Why couldn’t Anne Curry have gotten Katie’s job? She is much smarter than Meredith Viera, not to mention way more attractive than Meredith. What was I talking about? How meandering this thing is? I wasn’t? Oh yeah. What I spent today doing.
After I watched the Price is Right, and offered up profanity laced verbal criticism of contestants too stupid to know how games like Plinko or Hole-In-One (Or Two!) work, I made some breakfast. As I’m a vegetarian my breakfast consists of a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of V-8. That’s not the best combination of foods, in case you were wondering. It’s like peanutty-ketchup weirdness in your mouth.
After that taste treat I crashed on the couch until about noon. That’s when my roommate woke up and as he works from home and his computer is in the dining room, I just headed upstairs so as not to bother him with my crap television watching. I’m pretty sure it would be hard to accomplish any type of quality work while having to hear Maury Povich screaming, “You are NOT the father!” followed by the sound of some hunk of white trash crying like a weeny because she just can’t seem to figure out which of the twenty guys she was with over a two night period might most likely have fathered her sure-to-be-in-prison-in-the-future child.
I checked my e-mail, took another pill and watched House M.D. I started watching that show today, and I know that I’m pretty pop culturally inept, but I really enjoy that show. I know it’s been on for a couple of years but back off! I like it because it doesn’t seem to have the soap opera angle that other medical shows have. Then again I’ve only made it partially through the first disc of the first season. I would have finished it but the disc is jacked up so I’ll have to hobble into Blockbuster and deliver a staph infected beat down to the guy who works there. I’m not gonna do that. Thems is the drugs talking!
After a few hours of that I slept for awhile and now here I am, writing this excuse for why you’ve wasted five minutes of your life.
Nothing special at all. Wait! That’s not true. I finished my latest round of antibiotics two days ago and like clockwork there is another growth. That’s just delightful. I think that my illness is going to put my surgeons’s kid through college. Just remember me, kid who won’t read this. When you’re drinking it up at the Sigma Chi house it was my illness that helped get you there. Well my illness and the dedication of your father, but for the sake of the paragraph, let’s assume I’m owed some thanks.
I know that this isn’t cancer or AIDS or anything as serious as that, but from what I understand I could die from this. If it reaches my blood I’m done for. If it reaches my lungs, I’m done for. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen. I can’t die yet. I have way too much to do.
Like finish watching House.
RIGHT NOW
SONG - In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel - This is a song that makes me want to slow dance with my wife at sunset. Keep in mind I don’t have a wife and am not the best dancer. However, it’s not the first time a song has made me want to do something impossible. It’s like how whenever I listen to Jay-Z’s ‘Dirt of Your Shoulder’, I wish I was black.
MOVIE - Lucky Number Slevin - I was impressed with this movie because I don’t expect much out of Josh Hartnett. As I’m sure that his entire career revolves around impressing some guy he’ll never meet, I’m sure that will come as a comfort to him.
- Joel David
myspace.com/joeldavidd