Usually I have a good reason for my not writing. This time it’s surgery induced apathy. Well not apathy so much as excruciating pain coupled with massive amounts of body and mind numbing narcotics. I hate to keep bringing the surgery thing up but that’s about all that’s been going on.
This series of surgeries has cost me a lot. Not financially but mentally. I am sleeping almost all of the time because of the infection and when I’m not sleeping I am in a drug fueled haze. That’s never good. Well not NEVER but you know what I mean.
I am so bored right now. How bored? Well here’s how bored.
Since I have spent the past few weeks mired in self reflection with a generous amount of regret, I will spend EVERYDAY writing about someone or something that I think is worthy about writing about. Maybe in the future someone will read this and decide to write a movie about my paltry existence. I could do that you say? Yeah but that takes effort and sitting and I am low on effort and way too incapacitated to sit for too long.
Ok. Let’s start with me since I am who is writing this. There isn’t much to say about me really. Nothing special. I’m just a regular guy with a regular job and a regular car who lives in a regular apartment. Since everyone has dreams I’ll just go ahead and share mine with you. You’re welcome.
I would like to be a successful comedy writer. Whether it’s for television or a movie I really don’t care. The holy grail would be SNL but with each passing day that seems to get further and further away. Not because it can’t happen but because I’m a wuss. I’ve submitted some of what I’ve written and was told that my writing was ‘too gentle’. That pissed me off. I mean it was a piece about puppy dogs and baby chicks, but I digress.
I have done standup but I don’t think I’m that good. I’m always second guessing myself when I’m on stage. A lot of people say it takes a lot of courage to get on stage. If I can do it, I’d have to say it takes next to no courage. I’ve been called a lot of things but courageous is definitely not one of them. I can get on stage and perform but I can’t talk to a girl. How does that work? What level of social retardation is that indicative of? That’s an SRL (Social Retardation Level) of 9 out of 10 I believe.
As far as relationships go I am an utter failure. I can get into one but it always falls apart. I say ‘always’ like it’s more than the handful that it is, but one need only shoot themselves in the foot once before they decide guns are a bad idea, right? I would like to have a girlfriend or a wife but I just don’t see that happening and I’m cool with that, mostly because I have to be. I believe that perfect relationships exist but have yet to be in one myself. In my adult life I have only met three women that I felt I had a connection with and that if not for mitigating circumstances or my own failures as a human being, I would probably be pretty happy as far as that aspect of one’s life is concerned.
Since it is inconsequential, I will go ahead and now explain what I think an ideal relationship is. I know that in the future whoever I date will probably use this against me, but it’s not like she can get mad at me now because I don’t even know her. Take that future lady!
I would like to be with someone who makes me laugh. A relationship without laughter is pointless. I’ve been with someone who must have thought laughing would have made her face break because she so rarely did so. Then again perhaps I really am not that funny. What am I talking about?! That’s the one thing I know to be true about myself! There is something very refreshing about a pretty girl laughing. I’m not talking about the polite chuckle that women seem so prone to use for fear of what I’m still not quite sure. I would like to be in a relationship where we have inside jokes or where even just a look will illicit laughter. I know that most women laugh at me by just looking at me so I’m halfway there!
I would like to be in a relationship with someone who was less critical of me than I am of myself. I’ve been with someone who criticized everything about me. Whether it was my friends, my looks, my family, my car or my dreams, pretty much everything was up for criticism as far as she was concerned. I know that it was a result of her low self esteem but being someone who thought that they might be able to boost that person’s self esteem was what kept me there. I thought I could fix someone who in all reality didn’t want to be fixed. You can only help those who want it I suppose and that was a lesson learned the hard way, but it was learned. So yeah. Someone who isn’t critical would be sweet.
I would like to be in a relationship with someone who can be trusted. I know that is a given but almost every person I’ve been with has been deceitful in some way. Whether it was about them seeing someone else or the way they really felt about me, their deceit has had a profound impact on me. It makes it real hard to trust someone I care about when the people I have put the most trust in deceive me.
I am off to now learn how to play the violin to accompany my whining.
Holla.
- Joel David